Rabbit! Rabbit! (It's December 1st!)

By Cathy Jameson

Every few weeks I remember that I have another email address.  When I remember that, I’ll remember that I have not checked it in quite some time.  I prepare myself for an onslaught of spam messages when I finally use the right password to log in.  I use that email for store or restaurant rewards and for memberships I needed at one time but don’t use too much any longer.  One message I know I will have every single time I check that email address is from a photo service.  I’ll have at least 5 – 10 messages actually.  Free prints!  Free shipping!  Do you want to see your memories from 10 years ago? 

Some days I do; but other days I ignore those emails and those memories. 

When the kids were younger, I printed pictures.  We’d frame some, send some to extended family, and keep some to give to the kids when they were older.  Most images were taken from a digital camera, which I can look at any time I want to, but there’s something about holding a printed photo.  While cleaning out Ronan’s room over our Thanksgiving break, I found a few photos on his bookshelf.  Most were of the siblings, but one was of me and my husband.  It’s one of my favorite photos of us, taken at our favorite Mexican restaurant the day before my husband’s birthday and right before he left on a long trip.  The photos we’ve printed are the really good photos of really good memories.  This photo service, though, has some that are not great memories.  Instead of wanting to go in and delete them, I ignore them.  I do that because I know that if I start looking at one set of photos from all those years ago, I’ll want to look at all of them.  I have to be in the right mindset to do that, and this week, with as many things as we had going on, I didn’t need the distraction nor the emotional rabbit hole I knew I would end up falling into had I looked.

This week, several family members made the long trip to come see us.  Our house was full, loud, and fun!  The kids watched movies, they played the piano and their guitars, and sang together.  We talked, feasted, danced, and we laughed.  Ronan tolerated most of it, and I loved pretty much every second of it. 

When memories were shared this week, it was the very good memories. 

When family members were brought up, they were the family members we miss the most. 

When the cameras came out, we captured the very best side of us – the side that smiles the biggest with expressions that exude the most amount of joy. 

Other holidays and family gatherings have not had us smiling.  But this one was really one of the best ones.  It was so good that I almost forgot about the other side of life – the one that comes with struggles and with frowns.  We’ve inadvertently captured those on film and unknowingly scroll through them long after a frustrating event is over.  We didn’t have to deal with that this week, thankfully.  Even if we did, I think I could’ve put some of the sadder emotions on hold. 

With as many family members as we had with us for the last ten days, someone was always ready to help – either me or Ronan.  I wanted to be hostess with the mostest and got to do that.  I love when I can provide everything for our guests.  It can be a lot of work to provide for everyone, but it’s hard for me to accept help sometimes, even from the nicest people.  To be gracious is a gift.  And to have as many hands as we had wanting to help me was a blessing.  I’ll hope for more of those blessings next month when another holiday comes around.  It’s my absolute favorite one of the entire year.

Even though Ronan doesn’t show us that he understands what these holidays mean, like past holidays, he was aware that something big is going on.  He showed a little bit of interest, especially when new and amazing foods show up on the table but would soon go back to his normal activity.  That meant he was back in his room, listening to his music, watching his movies, and tolerating the loud, the happy, and the fun from a distance.  The longer he tolerated that and us, the longer we could enjoy ourselves.  Our guests understood and gave Ronan the space and time he needed.  He was thankful for that.  We were thankful, too.  We’ll hope for that again when we celebrate the most special day of the year. 

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.

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