"God, faith, family. It's part of who we are."

By Cathy Jameson

Once a month, my husband and I have been able to meet up for the evening Mass while one of the siblings keeps an eye on Ronan.  We turn that time into a date night, sometimes afterward actually going on a date.  We go to church and then stop in a favorite restaurant on the way home.  The last few times we’ve been able to meet up for Mass, we have called the kids on the way home and asked them to join us for dinner.  Even though that time had been reserved for just us, I love having the family altogether on our date. 

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Last week, we juggled a few events while our older kids came home from college.  When we know we’ll be busy all day long on Saturday and through most of the day on Sunday, we plan as much ahead as possible.  That includes deciding when we’ll go to church.  Church comes first, it always has, even when we have a lot of things to get to. 

Knowing we’d be here, there, and everywhere, we discussed who would go to which Mass and where.  Some could go Saturday night, others wanted to go Sunday morning.  Some could go to our local church while others could go to the one day the road.  We ended up splitting up, as usual – some went Sunday morning while others of us went to the very late 7pm Sunday evening Mass. 

We have the luxury of going to 3 different churches, 4 actually, but we know Ronan doesn’t like to go to the 4^th church.  The one we chose has 3 different areas where we could keep Ronan as comfortable and quiet as possible.  He’s not usually loud in church, but he will stand up mid-way through the readings and want to leave.  At this church’s evening Mass, we see a few other families with special needs adult children.  We fit right in, so it’s a nice option when Ronan has the energy to join us.

Here, Ronan is used to sitting in the very, very back in the cry room.  It isn’t a big room, the pews are really close together, and when the air conditioner is off, it sometimes smells like mashed Cheerios and dirty carpet.  Most of the time, it’s just one other family who takes up residence in there with us.  Nodding or smiling that they recognize that Ronan is much older than their baby or toddler, we find a spot on one of the cramped pews and sit together.  Last Sunday night, we were surprised to see a large family with typical teenagers and young adults taking up 2 of the 3 pews.  At first, I didn’t know if these kids were truly typical, but by the end of Mass, they proved that they were the teens I try to avoid in quiet spaces.  They took out their phones, they talked to each other, they poked each other during the Consecration, and they tried to make each other laugh at other solemn part of the Mass. 

Two other families ended up joining us when their toddlers got too chatty in the main part of the church.  Those two other families had every right to be in the cry room, but man, did they add to the distractions!  Ronan picked up on just how loud and busy these two other children were.  I was so surprised because he doesn’t usually take note or stare at strangers like he was doing.  Our youngest daughter was with us, and she did an amazing job keeping Ronan focused by pointing to where we were in the missalette. 

By the end of Mass, I was more than a little frustrated – not at Ronan!  I was frustrated at these seemingly typical adults who did their very best to not participate in the most sacred hour of the week.  One hour.  They wouldn’t focus.  One hour.  They didn’t sing.  One hour.  They didn’t respond to the prayers or the readings.  One hour.  They couldn’t sit still.  One hour.  They almost ruined things for me.  But I wouldn’t let them because each time they fooled around, or knowingly distracted each other, Ronan remained focused.  He remained seated without wiggling.  He stayed next to us without trying to leave like he usually wants to.  Ronan went, attended to, and even participated in the Mass.  It has been a long time that he has been able to do that.  And he did it better than those teens, young adults and their parents.  Can I please get an amen! 

After receiving communion, we opted to stay in the narthex and not return to the cry room.  It was just too overwhelming and distracting.  Ronan indicated that he was ready to go at that point, too, so we said our after-communion reflections and tip toed out.  As usual, we stopped in our favorite restaurant for dinner, gobbled up some chips and salsa, and enjoyed some fun, family conversation at the table.

This weekend will be as busy as last weekend was for us.  We have a sporting event, haircuts scheduled, projects and homework to finish, a birthday party to get to, and time to spend with one of the kids who’s coming home from college again—we Jamesons will be hopping!  We’ll plan ahead on who’s going where and to which Mass first.  God, faith, family…it’s part of who we are, and I’m so glad that Ronan could be part of that faith bit for one hour with us last weekend.

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.

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