Please hightail it over to the National Autism Association for life saving information about wandering and prevention. 14 children have drowned since June. FOURTEEN.  You'll never hear the stories linked in the news because that would draw attention to the epidemic.

By Cathy Jameson

I’ve written about wandering over the years, but I will never forget the very first time that it happened. 

That day, when my husband and I realized that our non-verbal son had left the house, we immediately took off to find him.  My husband went running down the street while I went running up the street.  Nestled in a neighborhood with lots of trees and quiet backyards, we knew that Ronan could be anywhere.  After he slipped out of the house undetected, Ronan managed to cross the street.  He continued to walk away from our house and ended up in a neighbor’s backyard.  Calling for him, even though we knew Ronan couldn’t respond, we needed to find him quickly. 

Beyond that neighbor’s backyard was a lake. 

My husband heard Ronan first.  Bolting through the neighbor’s yard, he ran as fast as he could.  Even though only a few minutes had passed since we discovered that Ronan had left the house, Ronan was in the lake.  At the time, he did not know how to swim and was desperately gripping the cold and slippery piling of the neighbor’s dock.  With teeth chattering, and hair and clothing soaking wet, we were lucky to find Ronan when we did.

That day still haunts my memory.  

It was late January.  Despite the sunshine and clear skies, the temperature was below freezing.  Almost fully submerged by the time we got to him, his clothing was beginning to weigh him down.  I thank God that Ronan was wearing a bright yellow GAP fleece jacket that day – not that the fleece would keep him warm while he was under water.

That bright color clothing helped us locate him in the water. 

After getting Ronan out, we breathed a sigh of relief.  But only for a moment.  Having read that children with autism are prone to wander – and that they sometimes seek bodies of water like Ronan just had, I was terrified.  I knew we needed help and quickly to make sure this didn’t become a habit for my son.  

But first, I cried. 

Actually, I sobbed.  Once Ronan was changed and had warmed up, I crouched down in the corner of my kitchen sobbing.  I stayed there, sinking lower and lower until I was on the floor, hugging my knees.  For a long time, I couldn’t move. 

Fear paralyzed me.  

Not wanting a repeat of what just happened, we immediately looked to see what other families were doing to prevent wandering.  We installed door chimes and posted visual aids for Ronan and his siblings (stop signs) on every door that led outside.  We came up with a plan of telling each other when we were going outside and when we needed to lock the door behind us.  Those strategies helped.  Those, and knowing that we were not alone in trying to solve the potentially life-threatening situation that wandering brings, helped us a great deal. 

Parent testimonials and other parents’ advice had given us confidence to keep our child safe. 

That first wandering happened around 2006.  Ronan is still prone to wander even now in 2024, but his desire to leave the house has greatly reduced.  We still have safety protocols in place to assist us at a moment’s notice.  We do that because of one very important fact. 

It takes only a moment to leave the house undetected. 

That story of finding Ronan in the lake above was part of a testimonial I wrote several years ago.  The day I wrote it was also the day I cleaned out a hutch that we used to have.  It had beautiful woodwork and hinged doors that, when opened, reveal several compartments.  It used to house some of our electronics, but I'd been using it for storage for other things.  In it was a box of my kids' artwork that I'd saved, some medical EOBs that I need to sort through, and an extra copy of Ronan's medical records.  As I sorted through the medical records, I saw some wandering information that I had collected because for years, Ronan would go through phases of wandering. 

That day, I also found something else. 

Stuffed behind the papers was a small bright yellow fleece jacket.  It was the only article of clothing in the hutch.  It's also the only article of clothing that instantly takes my breath away.  That fleece jacket was the jacket Ronan was wearing the day we almost lost him in the lake on that freezing cold day so many years ago!  

Why save it?  

Why hold onto it?  

Why not throw it out or at least give it away?  

Why keep something that instantly reminds me of one of the worst days of my life?  The only answer I have is, I don't know.  I don't know why I saved something like that.  It's not like it brings back happy memories.  Hardly!  I remember that day so clearly – the intense emotions, the terrible worry, and the awful, awful fear.  I remember the relief and the thanks-be-to-God moment that followed once we got Ronan safely home, but it truly was the worst day of my life.  

I can only think that I saved it to remind me not that we didn’t lose Ronan that day but that we were able to save him.

Not every wandering story has a good ending, and even the ones that do have good endings are never easy to write about.  It’s been a long time since I’ve written about this topic, and it would be so much easier to write about something hopeful and happy that Ronan's done lately.  Until parents like me never have to worry about their children leaving their homes undetected, through the tears, through the pain, and through the awful, awful reminders of just how fatal wandering can be, I will continue to write about it. 

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.

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