By Cathy Jameson

I hadn’t expected to be at the pharmacy last week, but there was one minor complication after my shoulder surgery last Friday. I had an allergic reaction to something used during the procedure. The shoulder pain itself has been only at a very low 2 out of 10 on my worst day. Prior to getting it fixed, it had been at eleventy billion pretty much for the last 10 months. I’m incredibly grateful for relief, but I won’t get full relief until this allergic reaction subsides. That’s why I found myself at the pharmacy waiting for a topical steroid. It’s a compounding pharmacy, ready to serve all of their patients’ unique needs. 

Seeing that word compound reminded me of something my husband said earlier in the week.

We’d invited friends, who are like family, to celebrate Ronan’s little sister. She just graduated from high school and also had just celebrated a birthday. As exciting as those moments are, we had to put those family celebrations on hold. The kids understand and don’t usually mind the delayed celebrations, especially the ones where they get to invite everybody they know. We normally wouldn’t rent out our neighborhood pool for an after-hours party that would last well past when the sun goes down, but that’s exactly what I did on Tuesday. Izzy got to invite her closest friends, her grade school friends, her high school friends, and her teammates. She willingly and happily also left room on the guest list for the local families who’ve watched her grow up. These are salt of the earth people.  They are the hardest working, the incredibly positive, most devout friends and also some of the nicest people we know.  

A few were missing, but our hearts were full seeing everyone there. 

Once everybody had arrived, we turned down the music, we got the kids out of the pool, and we gathered everyone to sing happy birthday. Right before singing, much to the chagrin of Izzy, my husband gave a little speech. It wasn’t prepared, but it was perfect. He thanked everybody for joining us to celebrate our daughter and as he looked from person to person and added that these are the people he hopes always to stay connected to. 

“Should we ever have one, you’re the people we want to join us at a compound…”

As parents of a medically complex child with special needs, we have had to depend on people like those in attendance.  With things that pop up unexpectedly, these are the people I immediately reach out to.  They have brought my children to church when we couldn’t. These are the families who’ve offered to take my children to wherever they need to be. These are the families who pray for us when my own prayers are on a very stale and very tired repeat.

From the youngest in attendance to the oldest, these are our people.

After the compound comment, which got a few laughs but also some head nods, the music got cranking, the pizzas got eaten, and the kids splashed around until the lifeguards let us know our time was up. It was one of the greatest evenings we’ve had in a very long time. We’ll hope for more, especially now that the summer is in full swing and schedules are a lot more relaxed. I always look forward to seeing this group of kids.  I always cherish the time I get with these other moms, and I absolutely enjoy the back-and-forth banter from the dads when we get together.  I’ll look forward to the next meet up when yes, we will talk about that compound. 

One day, we may need one.

The world is seeming crazy right now, and some people out there in the world are acting more selfish than selfless. When things break, I need reassurance that someone can come andhelp.  When my kids get sick, when my husband travels, when I need a solidly, reliable person to help me get through moments I can’t handle on my own, I do have back up. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a place where we all can live and work and rely on each other? Do you have a plan like that with your closest friends? Do you have dreams of building a village? What’s your set up look like?  How are you accommodating your child with special needs? Got any blueprints you want to share?  If we are serious, we have an engineer, a nurse, some educators, 3 savvy businessmen, 2 pilots, a few mariners, several law enforcement folks, and a chicken lady ready to invite…  

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.