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Tag, I’m It

Tag im itBy Cathy Jameson

We have a program that provides an extra blessing for us for Ronan—that blessing is a caregiver position that we’ve had filled for over a decade... 

About ten months ago, our main caregiver said she’d be moving on to a new job.  Losing her would be like losing a family member.  She’s one of the ‘good ones’, part of the ‘dream team’ of caregivers and therapists we have who go ‘above and beyond’ taking care of Ronan.  If she’s like the others, she’ll stick around long after taking on a new position elsewhere.  Many of the other women we’ve welcomed into our lives and our home still stay in touch.  Just like they get to know not just Ronan but all of us, we get to know not just them but also their families.  Birthdays get remembered.  With some of them much younger, their weddings get to be celebrated by us also.  Baby shower invites later get delivered to us, too.  I don’t begrudge any of our workers who’ve left. 

I just wish they didn’t have to go.

Ten months have gone by since our main caregiver gave me notice, and I still haven’t found a reliable caregiver.  Not that I haven’t tried.

I’ve advertised.

I’ve interviewed.

I’ve provided the paperwork.

I’ve gone over the requirements.

I’ve conducted training and given a start date.

Some have said they’d be here!  They’d start!  They’d jump right in and do the everything that it takes to keep my son happy, healthy, and well cared for.

But then nothing.

No shows.

No explanations.

Just…nothing.

It’s discouraging. 

Frustrating. 

So. Dang. Annoying. 

My older kids have been life savers.  Ronan does not enjoy going out to the stores, to Church, or do pretty much anything the rest of us need to do.  The kids have blessed us by staying home, taking turns to take care of their brother. 

That was working beautifully up until school started again.

With no one else home to keep an eye on Ronan, he now goes with me to wherever I need to be.  He can’t come with me to work, though, so I’m readvertising. I’m re-interviewing.  I’m re-training and re-reviewing each and every requirement making sure I don’t forget to say…you’re hired, and please, I have a job I need to get to, so you have to show up. 

Until I secure that new caregiver we’ve been praying to meet, my husband and I are juggling.  Tag, I’m it – and I run quickly out the door to pick up whoever’s waiting to be picked up.  Tag, he’s it – and my husband jets home so I can run to the grocery store or finish errands or make it to a meeting.  Tag, I’m it again – and I race to meet the kids at school after their sports activities end. 

We could ask neighbors to help, and we do. 

We could ask friends to pitch in, and I know they’ll jump at the chance to be an extra pair of hands.

We could also reassess our need to work outside the home.  I know that conversation could be coming soon if we cannot find a caregiver to step in soon. 

Juggling is nothing new for us, but if it gets to the point of juggling who gets to go to work – me or my husband, let’s just say that that’s going to be very interesting.  I know other families who, for a long time, have lived with that strain.  They’ve lived without the constant help we’ve been so blessed to have.  The sacrifices they’ve made have made their lives work.  They’ve worked to get their needs met.  They’ve survived what others could not.  I’ve always thought, well, if So and So can do it without the kinds of resources we’ve had, then surely, we could do it, too!  I’ll keep that upbeat attitude because that moment may be coming to us sooner than I think. 

It’ll be extra – work, juggling, thinking things through, because we haven’t had to do that for so long.  But it’s for Ronan.  So, it doesn’t matter how much things might change.  He’s worth all of it – the work, the juggling, and the thinking everything through so he can remain happy, healthy and always safe.  

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.

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Comments

Gerardo Martinez

Hello to all! Very moving article. I think all of us on this site have it tough in so many ways! When our older two moved out(as they deserved) we lost a lot of help, but they both have a right to their own lives. Of course we missed them dearly and in many ways wish they were still here. Both are happy and finding their own paths. 22 thats the number we keep an eye on now. It is still about 5 years away, but its coming. What then? There are some day habs in the area, but they seemed geared towards other disabilities. Early retirement? Tough questions/decisions lay ahead. Thanks again for the hard work of AoA and the writers and all supporters of AoA.
Blessings to all,
G. Martinez

Emmaphiladelphia

Kathy, I'm sorry to hear about this.
What do you think is at the root of it?
Pay ?
Inflation?
Workforce died or is impaired from Covid jab?
Young people make too much money as social media influencers?
The work is too hard?
For the tough years before my son improved, we were able to live on one paycheck and I did all the work myself. It is a sacrifice, but my faith in Jesus got us through.

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