Ronan’s come a long way. 

When he was much younger, as Ronan was tumbling onto the spectrum, he preferred that we drive out of the neighborhood a certain way.  Not being able to communicate that very well due to the fact that he lost his speech, Ronan would let me know that I was going the “wrong” way by screaming and crying and by thrashing about in his car seat.  

Back then, tear-stained cheeks and massive meltdowns were the norm.  Meltdowns haven’t been completely resolved, but with brainstorming, juggling, rethinking, planning, assessing, and reassessing situations as we face them have helped reduce the number of meltdowns Ronan has.  Just last week, when he accompanied me to the grocery store, it took quick thinking to keep him calm and to understand what he wanted.  Ronan wanted something.  I couldn’t figure it out though.  It was a simple request really, but because of the lack of speech and language, that simple request turned into a 15-minute standoff.  

Here's what happened.  

The health food section of the grocery store has a granola “bar” – there’s all sorts of granolas in see-through bins to make your own trail mix.  There’s also a few dried fruits and chocolates in the containers, too.  We never go in this area, but I misjudged the aisle I needed and ended up face-to-face with open containers of tasty goodness.  Ronan thought he could just scoop the food out with his bare hands.  I said, "Wait, let me help,” and quickly grabbed the scoop and a small container.  But Mr. Independent didn’t want my help.  Nor did he want the scoop of granola that I thought he was eyeing.  He wanted something else and pushed my hand away.  I said, "Hold on, Buddy.  Let me help you."  Frustrated, Ronan shut down.  Then he sat down on the floor and tossed his headphones at me.  He was just about to take off his shoes, but with quick thinking, I remembered that I brought Ronan’s iPad with us.  

I showed Ronan the iPad and said, "Look.  Spell what you want."  Ronan cannot resist spelling! He immediately got up and walked over to me.  Back and forth we went for five minutes—he typed and I finger spelled.  It wasn't easy, but Ronan was finally able to tell me what he wanted.  Feeling successful, Ronan smiled.  I did, too.

What do you want, Ronan?

Mom I want food.

I said, “You do?” 

He typed You.

I said, “Good job for asking!” 

He typed Good.

I asked, “Do you want candy?” (because there was a container of M & Ms next to the granola – maybe he wanted that?)

Ronan typed I Candy no.

"Oh! You don’t want candy," I replied.

This is where that brainstorming, assessing, and reassessing came into play.  Scanning the items in the granola bar one more time, I asked, “Can you please show me what you want?” 

Ronan typed Please…but he also carefully pointed to another container, one with chocolate in it.

“Oh!  You want chocolate.  Do you know how to spell chocolate?"  I asked.  

He signed No.

I finger spelled, and Ronan typed Chocolate.  He then added yes.

Yes!  Problem solved!  Crisis averted!  We could move on!  But before we did, Ronan typed one more thing.  He typed the name of the movie he wanted to see when we got home:  See and Learn Colors.

By the end of the shopping trip, things were much, much better.  Frustration levels were low, and our shopping cart was full.  In fact, three extra items made their way into the cart because Ronan continued to be successful in communicating a desire for those three products.  We walked out of the store with a jar of pickles, a box of pretzels and a box of pop tarts.  Now, he won’t be eating those pretzels (they’re not gluten-free), but he had the pickles for breakfast the next morning (because he asked for them), and he’ll bring a pop tart to school this week.

Pickles, pretzels, and pop tarts.  That could be a totally random list, but it’s got a lot of meaning for Ronan.  That list includes independence.  It shows proper communication.  And it gives me a little bit of hope.  I love it when I find a little bit of hope. 

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.