Great news!!! We can end global warming save the planet! You just need to put your child on an experimental, driver-free, autonomous school bus that uses a never before successfully employed type of nuclear fuel source. There’s no driver, or helper, but your child will be safely latched in while in motion, like a rollercoaster. Weeee! The safety harnesses work well most of the time and there have only been a few kids choked to death... scratch that. There have been no safety issues (in students who rode on Leap Year the 29th with no glasses, slender body types between 4’3 and 4’4” and blood type AB-.) Bonus? The bus manufacturing plants will employ thousands of workers who have been displaced from their jobs, so it’s imperative that you help them. The schools say it’s safe. The State and Federal government say it is safe. And it’s going to be the only legal way to attend school as legislation is sweeping across the states. A few housekeeping details: If it crashes, you can not sue anyone associated with the bus, the schools, the state. By July, these busses will also replace all city and town busses so adults can ride them too, or a least share the roads and highways with them. And by 2023, cars will no longer have a “driver’s side.” All vehicles will be mandated to go driver free. You can keep your old steering wheel dinosaur, but you will face steep tolls on all roads. Relax! Watch Tik Tok on Route 95. Surf the web on 1A! Sound good? No?
HOW DAAAAARE YOU??