Time to Breathe
By Cathy Jameson
For some people, this Coronavirus quarantine hasn’t been easy. Thinking the very worst, they’ve gone into panic mode. Some have even gone panic-shopping and left grocery store shelves bare. Thankfully, our pantry was looking fine when we heard that schools, businesses and life as we knew it would be shutting down. I haven’t calculated what we’d need if the quarantine is extended, but I think we have enough supplies to last us a little bit longer than the average family. Knowing that is a comfort. The fact that we’ve offered to share what we have has been a comfort to others.
Something else that I’m finding some comfort in is the fact that we are home. This school year has been our busiest. When I heard that other states had already told people to stay home, I was all for taking a time out from every-day life. That would give me the chance to stop, breathe, and stay away from the masses. They might not feel the same way, but I’m thrilled that my entire family has to stay home also. Usually, we’re ‘hit the ground running’ kind of people. We have to be. Having 4 typical children, and a child who has medical issues that come with autism and vaccine injury, has us up and out the door plenty of times during a normal week. With life now in slowdown mode, I am taking stock in what’s most important in life: my family.
Family truly makes my world go round. Everyone in it and everything about it is important to me. What’s most important to me these days, besides maintaining a positive outlook, is keeping us healthy and also keeping Ronan healthy. We’ve heard that the complications he already faces could worsen. Maintaining his health has always been a number one priority for all of us. It’s even more important these days.
Keeping Ronan home this week hasn’t been hard like it may be for other families who have children with autism. Social isolation has been a way of life for a long time for us. Ronan’s gained some great people skills, thanks mostly to his siblings who encourage him to join them when they have fun events to go to. But public places can be a bit overwhelming. They can be for Ronan, and sometimes, they can be for our entire family. Ronan doesn’t tolerate stores. He doesn’t like to sit quietly at church. He doesn’t want to go to the park. He doesn’t care to be out in the world socializing and being around others like the rest of us like to. Rarely does he shy away from his siblings, but he will sometimes take a break from all the energy they bring into the house. We know that Ronan needs his space, and we respect that.
While it may have interrupted their routines, having all the siblings home during the day has offered more social opportunities to Ronan than other days.
It isn’t just social opportunities Ronan’s being exposed to. The typical siblings are participating in eLearning. Ronan’s watching them organize themselves as they manage their own school routine. He’s listening to their academic challenges, and he’s quietly learning alongside them – even if he, and they, don’t yet realize it.
People have asked me this week how Ronan is doing and also how we are handling things. Even only a few short days in, I think it’s going pretty well! Ronan is happy. We’re all staying healthy. The kids have taken to eLearning like champs! I’m thankful for the connectivity and the creativity of each of their teachers. I know it hasn’t been easy for schools to transform their brick-and-mortar existence to an electronic-only platform, but I have no complaints. I’m truly pleased with how everyone in my home jumped to with the changes. There were a few minor glitches but nothing stopped them in their tracks. They kept plugging along and did so with minimal complaint. I think they did well because they’re so used to adapting to life and to life with autism.
Autism has taught us a quite a few things over the years. How to be prepared. How to expect the unexpected. How to appreciate what we have. How to socially distance ourselves at a moment’s notice. How to walk away from what doesn’t work. I’m very grateful for those skills during these past odd days. I’m also grateful for the extra family time we will have over the next few weeks. Thankfully, none of us has snapped or stomped away into our own corner of the house yet. Sure we miss the outside world, but I, for one am enjoying every minute of every isolation day we’ve been blessed to have. Being home and away from work, school, and society in general is not a bad thing. It may not be the best way to live, especially for my children who are extroverts. But we adapt.
We rethink what we have to.
We revamp what we can.
We build new skills.
We change our attitudes.
And we work with what’s been placed in front of us. Each situation we’ve faced as a family in the past, we’ve gotten through it. Sometimes with emotions and sometimes without. I’m not fearing the coronavirus nor the circumstances we’re in. Forced social distancing helped me slow down and be more present. It’s also allowed me to clean up a few rooms and closets, too! Honestly, with how busy life had gotten, this quarantine is exactly what my heart and mind needed. I hope it’s brought a few moments of peace into your home as well.
Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.
Mark, thanks always for the support. You had me worried, so I offered some of my prayers yesterday for you and your family. Keeping all of our AofA families close to my heart as we work through the challenges, including the latest ones stemming from the coronavirus. - Cathy
Posted by: Cathy Jameson | March 23, 2020 at 09:37 AM
My sincere thanks to one and all who wrote to me. My deep gratitude to the folks like Kim and the team at AofA for never giving up. I haven't given up.
Posted by: Mark Wax | March 23, 2020 at 08:50 AM
@Mark, you and your wife's dedication to your children is beautiful. Never doubt that it has been deeply meaningful to them, even if they are unable to communicate this to you.
Posted by: goldenchameleon | March 22, 2020 at 04:42 PM
Mark, if anything "the we"* have failed you.
*the things we used to believe that deserved our respect and trust....
Breathing works for me when I remember.
Posted by: michael | March 22, 2020 at 03:48 PM
After seeing some people over the past few days struggling to do the right thing by donning masks and gloves but still crossing the ‘red line’ in infection control and nullifying their best efforts. I thought that some here might appreciate this simple no nonsense guide to gloves, masks and how to not cross-contaminating everything -including themselves. More comprehensive than anything I’ve yet seen on TV and he’s not even a doctor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLWBG_fbJR0&t=30s
Posted by: Pogo | March 22, 2020 at 03:09 PM
Hi Mark , Thinking of you and hope that all goes well for you and your family.Please keep posting from time to time just so we know all is okay.Please take care of yourself.
Hera
Posted by: Hera | March 22, 2020 at 02:01 PM
Mark
Thinking of you, and trusting that you are being unnecessarily pessimistic.
John
Posted by: John Stone | March 22, 2020 at 01:04 PM
@Mark -
You have not failed. You and your wife have provided a loving home for decades. You are strong. Wishing your family well.
Posted by: Aimee Doyle | March 22, 2020 at 10:27 AM
Cathy-Thank you for another comforting and inspiring article! I agree that in spite of it being a difficult time it has brought a few moments of peace into our home, which is normally hectic and busy with our usual daily routines. And just like you we are also used to being isolated at times due to our son's autism when he would rather just stay home and enjoy his videos or going on the computer than going out places. Let's hope we all get through this and stay safe and well during this very difficult time. God Bless you and your beautiful family.
Posted by: Gayle | March 22, 2020 at 10:13 AM
It has been 20 years since I "bumped" into Cathy at an event. I knew then what a strong person she was.
Everyone told my wife and I that we were the same. Now, we are 68 and 64 with no living relatives and two special needs adults living with us. Trying to protect everyone.
I am just coming to grip with the fact that "we" just may not survive. Every precaution is just not enough. I was clinically dead last April and survived the event ( SVT), but I am not the stature any longer of the Blues hockey player who recently had the same fate. His career is over. My life may be over.
I'm already checking to be sure that the agencies with whom we have dealt in the last two decades can pick up the pieces, should my wife and I both perish. They say they will.
I have looked in the mirror and tried to reconcile that I just can't defeat this one last invisible enemy. Yet, it still makes me think that I failed somehow.
Carry on Cathy. Your family deserves to be together for a long time.
Posted by: Mark Wax | March 22, 2020 at 09:14 AM