They were too far from me for me to chime in.  Had I been closer, I might have said something like, ‘…couldn’t help but overhear…but, you know not to give him any Tylenol after shots, right?’ to start a quick convo with the young mother.  On that day, I didn’t have it in me to say anything.  It was the first day that I was kid-free in over 2 weeks.  I was tired.  I had a lot to catch up on.  I had lots to do and to finish before the kids would all be back home.  The last few food items were being scanned anyway.  I needed to load up the car and head back home.  There was a short hold up with the card reader though.  With the delay, I had ample time to say something.  But, I chose not to.  Instead, while I stood there, I watched the young mom walk over to the customer service desk.  Saying hello to the workers she knew there, I observed similar reactions from them.  Big smiles.  Ohhhs and ahhhs.  Then, the immediate sad-face response.  Mom again shared that he’d just gotten shots. 

How terrible! 

Poor thing! 

Hope he feels better!

I hope so, too. 

Six people in less than 10 minutes reacted in the same way.  I was the only one who reacted differently – negatively.  Some may think I missed an opportunity.  I have to agree.  But these days, and especially that day, I am finding that I need to put my energy elsewhere.  If I don’t, I help no one – including myself. 

Yes, I could’ve said something to the young mom, but honestly, the more I heard the more I realized that it wasn’t worth my effort.  Don’t worry.  I’m not giving up on sharing our story.  I’m not going to turn away from other parents, especially the ones who reach out to me privately, because those kinds of conversations are absolutely worth having.  Those are the ones that keep me going. 

Leaving the store a little less enthusiastically than I’d arrived, I loaded up my purchases and drove home.  On the way home, I thought about 2-year olds and what they’re capable of.  I thought about my children when they were 2.  Then, I specifically thought about Ronan.  He was not a healthy 2-year old.  He was not a happy 2-year old either.  He’d just gotten shots.  Post-vaccination, he’d changed.  Life as we knew it changed also and not for the better. 

Pushing those thoughts out of my head, I tried to think of something positive.  Immediately, I recalled a conversation I’d had with a friend about her son.  He just turned 2.  He is not like how I remembered Ronan at that age.  This boy is different.  He’s happy, healthy, and chatty.  His gaze, verbal responses, and behavior are age-appropriate.  His skin tone, play skills and his ability to connect to his environment are perfect.  One time, while observing him playing, I apologized to the mom for staring and explained that I couldn’t help myself.  She was not offended.  In fact, her response was the opposite - she was rather pleased. 

I told her, “It’s rare to see a typical 2-year old.  I don’t mean to stare, but he’s just so…so…engaged!”  She smiled.  I continued, “I also don’t mean to compare him to Ronan…while it’s sad to recall everything that my child couldn’t do, it’s rewarding to see your son doing so much and at such a young age.”  She knew exactly what I meant. 

That mom had reached out to me after she’d heard our story.  Our story rattled her, so she started to read.  She started to ask questions.  She started to learn.  Her hard work paid off.  Long before stepping foot into the pediatrician’s office, she discovered that she had a choice about vaccines, something many new parents learn too late. 

It wasn’t an easy decision for this young mom, nor one she took lightly, but with the information she’d gathered, she knew that she was going to opt out of getting vaccines for her child.  She made the decision confidently and hasn’t waivered.  Because of that, her child is meeting, and if you ask me, exceeding his developmental milestones. 

That mom chose a different path than I did as a parent, and I couldn’t be more proud of her for doing so.  She is like other mothers who also wanted to hear more of what I had to say.  After overhearing a conversation in a waiting room, or reading something on a message board,   or remembering what I’d shared while at the car dealership,   the ones who seek me out do so with purpose.  Some are just starting out while others are ready to go against the norm.  No matter where these moms are on their journey, they are the ones I’d like to devote my time and energy to.  So, I’ll continue to offer them exactly what they need – be it a book, or website, or simply a vote of confidence, I will do all that I can to help them.

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.