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Best of: I Have Come to Realize

Sun burn handNote: Cathy is enjoying a weekend with her beautiful family.  We ran this post in May of 2013.

By Cathy Jameson

A few years ago, a friend tagged me in a note on Facebook called “I Have Come to Realize”.  Every sentence began “I have come to realize that...” and included about thirty random ideas.  My friend had filled in her realizations and asked that I copy/paste the note and offer my own.  It was a neat activity that had nothing to do with autism, so I quickly followed the directions.  Copying the outline, I filled in my answers and then shared the note with my friends. 

I’ve since deleted the note off of Facebook, but I saved the answers in my writing file.  I did this to capture my thoughts in that moment of time hoping to learn from them in the future.  I come across that file every now and then and always make time to reread it.  Some of the entries make me laugh while others give me an insight to the fears I had at the time.  Many of those revolved around Ronan.  Some of them are the same fears that I still have today. 

With those worries never too far from my thoughts, I experience mixed emotions when I open the file.  I feel trapped in that some things haven’t yet changed for the better.  I also feel a bit stronger knowing that I have at least admitted that I am afraid. 

From several years ago:

- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that I have lost...a lot of time by researching instead of doing or just living.

- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that when I get on Facebook...I escape to my past since I'm afraid of the future.

- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that my friends...are more of a lifeline that I imagined.

- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that this one full of questioning but also of accepting.

- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that I'm totally terrified...of many things now that I'm a Mom.

The realizations that I have now aren’t very different especially when I think about the ones specific to Ronan and his vaccine injury.  After reflecting on that list while preparing to go to the Autism One conference I decided to rewrite it.  Thinking about who I’d get to see, what I’d get to hear and why I feel like I have to be at  Autism One and away from my family for four days, I made new entries:

I have come to realize that what happened to my child broke me into a million pieces. 

I have come to realize that I am stronger because of what happened.

I have come to realize that it takes more than just keeping one foot in front of the other.

I have come to realize that bad days can be really, really bad and full of a pain that I never thought I’d ever experience. 

I have come to realize that as much as I despise those people who knew about the damaging effects of vaccine injury, I would never wish this journey on anyone, including on those who caused it.

I have come to realize that as a mother of a special needs child, my faith is challenged more than I ever expected.

I have come to realize that no matter what has (and could) happen to Ronan I will never waiver in my faith.

I have come to realize that my family deserves more, and despite that, they will never quit working hard for Ronan.

I have come to realize that the people I surround myself with will forever be my lifeline even after our children are healthy and recovered.

I have come to realize that it takes dedicated persons willing to sacrifice their own wants and needs to face the types of adversities many of us have to face.

I have come to realize that I will never be the same person I was before Ronan came into my life. 
Our children brought many of us together.  At some point, we have shared a constant worry, an aching pain, a physical difficulty and a lowest low.  To be able to see through streams of tears.  To function at our best while feeling our worst.  To feel rage and frustration one day and to burst into tears of joy another.  It takes holding on tightly and never letting go.  It takes believing in promises we’ve prayed to come true.  It takes everything and more to continue to say yes and to keep going forward. 

For those who don’t realize what it takes and why we’ve committed ourselves to seeing this through, let me help you understand something.  Each one of us became who we are because of our children and what they’ve suffered.  Because of them, we are stronger.  Because of them, we are louder.  Because of these beautiful children, there will be no stopping us.  Our future.  Our hopes.  Our dreams.  We will fulfill them.



Prof Exley writing in hippocratic Post. He has had anonymous threats upon his life, and apart from the Daily Mailcoverage, a deafening silence from media. He is undoubtedly being ‘Wakefielded’ not a word I enjoy using. I can but wonder if he had not used the ASD link but kept it simple.....Vaccine injury, how the reaction may have been different? The word Autism has become a useful and a vague reporting tool for Pharma and the media,it covers such a multitude of behavioural symptoms, all of which can be explained away with such euphemisms as ‘better diagnosis’. I agree with you Cherry. It is not so easy to deal with Vaccine Injury......

cherry Misra

both cia parker and Patricia Pratt have made interesting and useful comments, Like Patricia, I am very enthusiastic about the term vaccine injury. The word autism means so many things to many people and unfortunately, after all this time, an educated person in the U.S. today is likely to visualize Rainman or Temple Grandin or John Elder Robison, when they see the word autism. But VACCINE INJURY ?? - well, you either believe it exists or you dont. No clever word obfuscation there. Colton Barrett died ultimately as a result of vaccine injury or he did not. Diabetes or kidney disease in a small child are either vaccine injury or not. The five thousand + names on the Vaxxed bus represent vaccine injured kids or they do not. And if vaccine injury exists , then you have to wonder if your doctor is telling you the truth when he states that vaccines are very safe.... one in a million.... blah blah blah.

cia parker


I think we need to keep the term autism: it is a particular type of vaccine-induced brain injury centered in the language and social center of the brain. Bowel disease is a different type of usually vaccine-induced injury which can cause behavioral symptoms from the pain, but these symptoms are not the same as autism. My autistic daughter has both, but they are different. For the first seven years of her life, she was autistic, but didn't have bowel disease. The summer she was seven she caught a summer flu at the swimming pool which caused a high fever. The fever can pull stored vaccine mercury from the bones and cause symptoms of bowel disease: in her and my Asperger's nephew's case (he got severe bronchitis and fever at 19 which started his bowel disease), it began severe, permanent constipation. Several years later, I discovered that the GFCF diet completely stopped my daughter's constipation, but it didn't improve her symptoms of autism. I have asked her if she has abdominal pain, and she always says no. She never acts as though she did, and as long as she adheres to the diet, she does not have the bowel problems.

We have to continue to tell young families that vaccines often cause brain injury: now one in 36 on the autism spectrum, one in ten ADHD, one in ten bowel disease, one in twenty seizures, one in 200 diabetes, one in nine asthma, one in fifty peanut allergy, one in two a respiratory, skin, or food allergy. We have to tell them. It doesn't matter that at this time most will not believe us: we will share the guilt when most of their children have severe reactions if we do not warn them ahead of time. And with every year that passes, more and more are seeing that we are right, and are deciding not to vaccinate or at least to refuse the most dangerous of the vaccines (hepatitis-B, MMR, Hib if they are breastfeeding and keeping the baby at home (otherwise the vaccine may be worth the risk), DTaP (although I think the DT series is a good idea after the age of two, no pertussis, ever), flu, and, later, Gardasil). But all of them are often dangerous: it's always a matter of balancing the risks and the benefits. But we have to keep telling them, and if they want to ignore us and run into the dragon's maw, well, that's just the way it is at this time. But the ones behind them who hear our warning and see them get burnt to cinders may choose to act differently.

Patricia pratt

I too have come to realise a few things, i.e. the bravery, the strength and the heartache of parents with damaged children and dying babies is nothing less than heroic. I thank God that I had my babes in the early 60's not now.
I have come to realise that our so called 'special needs' children are not Autistic, they may have similar symptoms, but they also have bowel disruption as Andy Wakefield first noted and I now prefer to use the phrase 'vaccine injured' because that is the actual truth of it. We now have the smoking gun, Aluminium Hydroxide which is being carried straight to the brain and lodging there.
It is not the Age of Autism, it is the Age of Vaccine Injury. Gardasil is paralyzing and killing young teenagers. Adults are getting more neurological conditions, M.E. Chronic Fatigue etc.
I have come to realise that one cannot warn young and apprehensive parents that vaccines can cause these brain injuries, because they have a profound need to trust in their family doctors and I cannot put blame upon them for that.
I have come to realise yet again, that fear is the enemy. And fear is what the forces of evil practice.

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