I cleared the day on the calendar as did my husband.  I can do most of the Ronan-related stuff on my own – therapies, educational meetings, and medical specialty appointments, but I did not want to do this particular appointment alone.  Hearing that another tooth may be having a big issue and that this new doc’s go-to treatment was a root canal made me sick to my stomach.  I’d now read enough and heard enough stories to know that root canals, even as popular as they are, may not be the best option, especially for a kid like Ronan.  With his extensive special needs, and with all the precautions we must take when he goes under, my husband and I were not just against the root canal; we were dead set against it.  But, since this was only a consult visit, we thought that having a conversation about our options wouldn’t hurt.  Even so, I was ready to put my dukes up if the endodontist told us a root canal would be the only option.

The day before Ronan’s appointment I got a call confirming when we needed to be at the dental clinic.  The visit would last about 45 min.  Great, I thought.  That would give us plenty of time to talk, to go over everything, and to maybe get a new x-ray to see if any further damage had occurred since the last dental exam.  Before the receptionist hung up, she said, “Oh, before I forget, if another patient cancels their appointment, don’t be surprised if the doctor does the root canal during your scheduled appointment.” 

Dumbfounded, I blurted out, “WHAT?!”

She repeated, “Ronan could have the root canal as early as tomorrow…so, don’t be sur—”

“Oh, no,” I started, “We are not doing that.  We are not doing any root canals tomorrow.  When we agreed to this appointment, it was for a consult, not to do the actual procedure!  Ronan’s got very complicated medical issues.  You can’t just “do” a root canal.  Plus, what if he doesn’t need one?  That’s why we’re going there.  We were told that this is a chance to go over things and to talk about what to do next, if anything, not to have any sort of surgeries!” 

I didn’t mean to sound as emotional as I probably sounded over the phone, but come on!  People don’t just agree to needless medical procedures as quickly as this gal hoped I would, do they?  What about taking time to educate the patient and the parents?  What about going over options, including alternative ones?  What about giving people time to weigh the pros and the cons?  What about informed consent?  What if we don’t like what this guy has to say?  What about second opinions?  Shouldn’t a parent, especially a parent of a child like Ronan, have some time to put all the pieces together?  We sometimes have no idea what to do until after we find ourselves knee-deep in a situation.  Parents need hand holding in those kinds of instances, not intimidation.  I was shocked. 

“Wow!” the young receptionist replied.  “Parents are usually very eager to get that procedure done.”

“I’m not like other parents…” I started to say.

She continued, “This doctor’s schedule is so busy, it takes quite a long time to get on his schedule.” 

That may be true, I thought to myself, but I am not signing my kid up for anything, especially for a procedure that comes with risk.  I’ve done that before, and the results were devastating. 

I kindly reminded the young gal that yes, we’d be there, and that yes, we were ready to consult with the doctor, but that no, we would not be signing up for any root canals.  I wanted to add …no root canals then or ever! but I remained polite.  Cheerily thanking me for me time, she hung up.  I put the phone down and thought, Good grief!  I didn’t really want to put my dukes up, but after that phone call they were up and remained at the ready. 

Friday morning, we set out for the appointment.  As we expected he would, Ronan hesitated when it was time for him to open up and say ahhh.  Even though we’ve been working for months on prompts:  open your mouth, say ahhh, show me your teeth, first the back teeth…now front teeth, now let’s brush them, good job!  This simple hygiene routine is a huge feat that took time, patience, and a lot of trust to create.  Unfortunately, Ronan was too anxious to share any of those learned skills on Friday.  Even with Daddy there to encourage him, Ronan kept his jaw clamped shut.  Even after we tried to distract him, he stayed tight lipped.  Even after we started the countdown that usually helps him relax, 10-9-8…Ronan’s mouth stayed firmly closed.  There was no way this endodontist, as nice as he turned out to be, was going to take a peek at Ronan’s chipped front tooth or any of his teeth for that matter. 

While we waited Ronan out, because I kept hopeful that he’d at least let the endodontist do a quick brushing of the teeth, the doctor went over Ronan’s dental history with us.  He reviewed the one film we’d gotten at the last visit and said that the x-ray actually looked good.  He detected no issue beyond that Ronan’s front tooth was chipped.  As far as the root looked, he saw no cause for concern.  I wanted to jump for joy.  We all turned to Ronan and gave him a big smile.  He must have cued in on how relieved we were because a few minutes later, Ronan opened his mouth wide enough for the endodontist to do a quick exam. 

Having now been able to physically examine Ronan, he confirmed, “It’s chipped.  But it’s not in need of more than observation at this point.”  Then, he added something that calmed my nerves even more, “If this was my child, I’d do nothing.  I wouldn’t want to put my child through any unnecessary procedures, and I don’t want to put Ronan though any unnecessary ones either.”  I beamed.  I looked around, too.  Where was that young secretary?  She needed to hear this and to also take note:  do not scare parents into thinking the worst.  Do not worry parents of special needs children any more than you have to.  They have enough on their plate as it is. 

We thanked the endodontist and the dental hygienist thoroughly.  I felt a huge weight lifted as we walked out of the exam room and into the hallway.  Waiting to high five Ronan, I looked at him and thanked him.  “You did so well, buddy.  I know you were nervous.  I was, too.  You did great.” 

My husband commented, “That doctor lost a lot of money today.  Easily, a procedure like that secretary said we could have…that’s not cheap.  But he looked out for Ronan, and that’s exactly what Ronan needed.”  I agreed and added, “I love that he put himself in our shoes. ‘If it was my child…’ That solidified it for me.  He was human.  Not all doctors we’ve run into treat us like we, or Ronan, are human.  We’re a casefile to them.  This guy was nice.  I’m glad we don’t have to see him again, but I’d actually be happy to—he’s one of the good ones.”  We both agreed and wished there were more doctors like him. 

As we made our way back to the front entrance, we walked past a small cafeteria.  I said, ‘Let me grab some snacks for the ride home.  I’ll meet you and Ronan at the car.”  Ronan was tired.  He was walking slowly, so I thought I’d give them a head start to the parking lot.  By the time I got some food, Ronan should just be getting buckled in. 

I ordered some food from the deli and grabbed a tea for me.  It took about 10 minutes since they did a made-to-order for Ronan.  Thinking surely the guys would’ve made it to the car by then, I walked quickly out of the cafeteria only to stop myself in my tracks.  There was Ronan.  He was standing and waiting at the top of the walkway.  What’s going on? I wondered.  As soon as he saw me, Ronan turned around and started for the door. 

“He wouldn’t budge,” my husband said.  “No matter how many times I asked him to keep walking or promised to play his movie as soon as we got in the car, he wouldn’t go.  He’s not going anywhere without you.”

I cracked a smile. 

I caught up with my fellas.

I laughed a big, happy laugh and reached for Ronan’s hand.

“Oh, Ronan.  I need you, too, buddy.  I need you, too.”

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.