Ha, ha, Kim! Keep your chin up! I feel Dan is watching over us. You Aspergers people please stop acting like you know what our families go through. Many of us live with the knowledge that even our nearest and dearest, immediate family members, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles are in denial of what is going on with our daily lives. Meanwhile, the severe reality of regressive autism is aging out and there is no answer, there is no future after special ed high school "graduation" -- to what? Yet our denialist near and dear will likely be the first to "be shocked" when the "problem child" is finally put into some group home, when more and more news items contain traces of the despair every middle aged parent and aged grandparent fears most: the day we "can't take him down" anymore.

So sorry for your loss.

Kim,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father (he sounds like he was a terrific dad).

This has been a really rough last year, with the loss of Dan, Kim's dad - and unfortunately, I lost my sister last October. Losing a loved one is never easy, no matter at what age. I loved your response as well. Even though my family does not suffer as yours re autism, I can so relate to you on many levels.

Again, heartfelt condolences to those of whom have lost dear loved ones this past year. It's been a very rough year, indeed.

- Kim

Kim. I'm sorry for the loss of you father and Dan. Both live on in your work and advocacy!! I know my wife and I rely constantly on our family to care and love our autistic daughter.

@Mike - a wonderful and thoughtful response to my post.

Too often those who are severely impaired are isolated...first in their families and later in group homes. This is particularly true of those who have difficulties in communicating. I understand there are non-verbal individuals with autism who communicate incredibly well by computer or other means and they have friends and are embraced by the neurodiversity community. But I think those individuals are in the minority. Communication ability seems to be so key to developing real relationships.

My son is in a weird middle ground - functional enough to want deeply desire friends and relationships - but not capable of initiating or sustaining them by himself.

Best to you and your family.

Interestingly, over at Matt Carey's LB/RB, Matt was discussing a wonderful dinner outing he had with his autistic son, and how accepting and welcoming the patrons were of his son. He expressed his hope that society in general will show the same acceptance, and without acceptance we will have hate and resentment that leads to infanticide, such as with Alex S. I commented, asking him if acceptance involves 'normalizing' autism to the point that we no longer seek prevention. He answered, asking if I desire his son doesn't exist. I countered with this:

Matt, you said by wanting to prevent autism, I don’t want your kid to exist?

I’ll be perfectly clear Matt. I want your kid to not only exist, but to thrive. This means not saddled with a disability that will render him/her with a 33% chance of being non-verbal, a 40% chance of being mentally retarded (or ‘intellectually challenged’ if you prefer), and a 85% chance of growing into an adult, unemployed, and entirely dependent on his aging folks to look after him/her. And, yes Matt, I want you and your child to comfortably walk into a restaurant, without you or your child praying that you will sit beside understanding customers that won’t treat your child with scorn.

Matt, this is what I want for all future Matt jrs, and children for that matter. If this makes me a satantic abliest, then guilty as charged, and go ahead and hook me up with my horns and pitchfork.

Kim,

I too cringe when I think ahead to April. Blue lights around the world make it clear that autism can't be ignored. There'll be walks and fundraisers. We'll be told to celebrate something no one can reasonably explain. Tired old conflicting claims will make the news. We'll hear that all the autism is just "better diagnosing" of a genetic disorder that's always been around. No need to panic.

We'll see thirty second news clips showing typical looking kids happily interacting with their speech therapist and be told THIS IS AUTISM. It's easy to think that autism's always been here; we just called it something else. What we won't see is the ugly side of autism. Absent will be the severely affected kids with self-abusive behaviors, the young adults rocking side to side and still in diapers, the ones with seizure disorder and those with violent outbursts. We won't hear about concomitant health issues like bowel disease. Nothing will be said about the children who were typically developing until for some unknown reason, they lost learned skills and made a dramatic descent into the mysterious world of autism. No one will ask why we're always talking about CHILDREN and YOUNG ADULTS when the subject of autism comes up. We'll see the charming five and seven year olds on the spectrum, while no one asks where all the fifty and seventy years with autism are.

After two decades of officials shaking their collective heads over autism, no one seriously asks why anymore. Autism is merely a curiosity to those in charge of health care. If the rate happens to increase, it will mean nothing. Each and every time it's happened in the last twenty years, there's always been someone from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention right there to assure us that no one can say for sure if THIS increase represents a true increase from the LAST increase, which the media dutifully reports as THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANY REAL INCREASE IN AUTISM.

April is there to condition us to accept more and more kids who can’t speak, can't function in a regular classroom without assistance, and who will be depend on social services to some extent for the rest of their lives. We're desperately trying to make the world "autism-friendly" by adding accommodations everywhere and providing autism training for everyone dealing with the public.

Autism is here to stay. It's always going to be a puzzle with no known cause, cure, or prevention. Millions will continue to be spent on research that never reaches any conclusion. Despite all the negative aspects of autism, it'll never be an official CRISIS. "Serious public health concern" is the strongest language any official has ever used when talking about autism.

April is just around the corner. Same old, same old.

I'm sorry Kim! I was so taken by your resonse for her, I forgot the most important part. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad, and grateful You had him so long.

Love,
Sun~Rose

My deepest condolences for the loss of your father. Thank you so very much for keeping the site running!

Interesting that for all their professing to "care" about everyone on the spectrum, I have yet to meet a higher functioning individual with autism who wants to spend any real time with my son or any individual with autism who is profoundly impaired. Every human being needs friendship, relationships, and community - I had hoped my son would find one within the neurodiversity movement. I find it heartbreaking that almost everyone in is life is someone who is either family or paid to be there.

The DC area has an active Aspergers/HFA Community. My son has been determined to be "not high functioning enough" for most events for individuals with HFA/Asperger's. And when we have attended such events (he can't go by himself) has been ignored.

I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who has successfully developed relationships for their profoundly impaired kids or young adults...who has created genuine friendships (not a one-off "hi") with those in the neurodiversity community.