Levi Quackenboss On The Epidemic Of Coincidence Disorder
Thanks as ever to Levi Quackenboss for this Monday morning zing. Read the full post at the Quackenboss site.
Parents of disabled children, desperate to blame someone for their bad genetics or inexplicable acts of God, have taken to social media in recent years as a “vocal minority” to blame their woes on life-saving measures whose side effects we all know are exceedingly rare: vaccines.
As much as our hearts break for these parents raising non-verbal autistic children in diapers at age 10, or whose kids go into anaphylactic shock six times a year from exposure to common everyday foods, or those with imperfect offspring who suffer from epilepsy and spend a quarter of the year hospitalized, we have to chalk these conditions up to the new epidemic of “Coincidence Disorder” because if there’s one thing we know about these mysteries: they are not caused by vaccines.
There is no limit to the coincidences that these pathetic parents blame on the greatest inventions of the 20th century. Take, for instance, when a seemingly-healthy baby is vaccinated for Hepatitis B before being discharged from the hospital, and suddenly that baby is incapable of suckling at the breast. Never mind that mama had been breastfeeding for 48 hours already, this baby now has to be bottle fed because it has forgotten its eating reflex. Babies are silly and sometimes these things just happen, right? Did you see this study of little monkeys who weren’t able to suckle after a hep b vax? Are we monkeys? No, we are not. We are plagued with Coincidence Disorder, and it’s tragic.
What about the 896 infant deaths after the Hib vaccine reported to VAERS between 1990 and 2013? Sometimes babies just die within 24 to 48 hours of the two or four-month routine immunizations. Do you know why medical examiners never say that a child who died of SIDS in fact died from vaccines? Because it’s not a box to check off on the form, that’s why. Get used to those two and four month spikes in Coincidence Disorder.
Have you ever seen an infant break out in eczema days or weeks after vaccination? Babies have crappy skin, don’t you know that? “Baby soft skin” should mean skin that feels like sandpaper. It’s Coincidence Disorder. You know what vaccine is studied for causing eczema vaccinatum? Smallpox. Why? Because we don’t give it anymore (except to our military) so the fact that it causes terrible skin lesions is irrelevant in today’s society. Mark that one off as “who cares?”
And autism? Have we not beat that horse enough? Don’t you get your news from CNN? Vaccines do not cause autism! Maybe, just maybe, they cause encephalitis in some susceptible children, which then causes autism— no, wait, forget I said that. It’s Coincidence Disorder– some people don’t like to hear that well.
Quackenboss is the greatest ! Isnt there a prize, an award somewhere to be given to him. We'll all stand there cheering as he accepts it with his tongue still in cheek.
Posted by: Cherry Misra | July 18, 2016 at 09:43 PM
It's hard to have "a laugh" about our ongoing Catastrophe, but the Quackster (aka Quackenboss) has pulled it off.
Hats' off to Sir Quackenboss!
Posted by: david m burd | July 18, 2016 at 02:56 PM
Ah yes ... old but worth reviewing .. Levi's "Coincidence Disorder" sounds exactly like the Town of Allopath's skid-disease .. viewed here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUbaUPOqGe8
Posted by: Bob Moffit | July 18, 2016 at 01:19 PM