Baby of Mine
By Cathy Jameson
I got to hold a newborn. I held him again a few weeks later. It was an exquisite feeling to hold this child.
The new life.
His perfect little body.
That newborn baby smell.
The endless opportunities he will have.
I’d attended his baby shower several months earlier. I bought his mom, a young twentysomething, more than I should have but that’s because I was thrilled to support her. With autoimmune disease in her family history, as well as having had to care for a family member with autism, she was rightfully nervous. I felt it necessary to offer as much support as I could as she prepared to bring a child into the world.
Her own history, plus knowing our family well and the medical path that I had chosen for my older children, prompted her to ask questions and to search for answers. Long before she found herself preparing for her son’s birth, in a quest for knowledge, she’d decided what she would do when it was time to raise a family. Not only did she decide what she would do, recalling my experience with my children, she also decided what not to do. Instead of following recommended schedules and standard American practices, she would be as healthy, organic, and natural as she could. She would be as free from everything “standard” as she could be, which also meant no vaccines.
She knows that I learned things the hard way – that just because a procedure, or birthing practice or a medical intervention is offered, I didn’t have to accept it (but I did); that I had rights and could’ve used them (but I didn’t know about them); and that my child’s doctors and nurses worked for me and not the other way around (but I let them bully me). My lack of knowledge about vaccines, including the lack of guidance from my children’s medical providers, lead to the choices I made. The consequence of those choices can be seen in the struggles Ronan and my other children face. She’s watched those struggles. She knows—and sees how they affect Ronan, his siblings, and our family as a whole.
When I held her baby, he was so comfortable while he was in my arms. As he slept soundly and safely, I couldn’t help but stare. He has dark hair and olive skin like Ronan. A rush of memories flooded me to when my son was just as small, just as sweet, and just as perfect as this new child is. How I’d hoped to do so many things with my son as he grew. How I’d hoped to make him feel happy and safe and always cared for. How I’d made some choices, though. How those choice resulted in life-long medical issues and frustration. How the plans I had for Ronan have totally changed.
This young mother knows not to follow my path. She knows what I’ve witnessed and cares not to subject her son to those experiences. She knows she has other options—healthier ones, better ones, ones many other young mothers are realizing, too. She knows that I am behind her 100% in support ready to help her and her perfectly healthy child. She knows that, and she loves being able to reach out to me.
This mom has the chance to do the exact opposite of what I did when I was a young mom. She is going to give her son everything I did not think about let alone know to provide to my children. Her choices will result in positive, healthy, and successful opportunities for her son, and I will never take offense to the choices she has made. She’s doing things differently, and her baby will be better off because of it.
Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.
Cathy, stories like this make the pain of our mistakes almost worth feeling. There are about 5 children in my life that I know I made a difference.....because they watched and listened as I made my regrettable choices and experienced the outcomes. They witnessed and they learned as I fought to get mine back, for a decade. Not many listen, but the visual of you holding this baby reminds me of them and I am so glad I got to watch them live fully without the baggage.
Posted by: Julie | August 31, 2015 at 08:02 PM
Cathy Jameson, it's because of moms like you that some of us learned enough to stop vaccinating.
And it's because of moms like you that somewhere, somehow, someone will find truly effective treatments and even cures for the brain damage we call "autism."
Ronan was not injured because of you, but there is hope for his future because of you.
Posted by: Researcher | August 31, 2015 at 02:09 PM
When it came time to vaccinate my children in the eighties, I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I didn't dare question the vaccinations because I trusted the medical model. I remember the nurse saying "they can't go to school without vaccinations." Wrong! But I did it anyway. I remember them screaming and feverish following the shots. There were only several vaccines, not the tripled bloated schedule there is today. Now that I am informed about vaccine injuries, my children do not vaccinate. I have 3 very healthy grandchildren. I pass on the stories from AOA to them and educate them on the neurotoxins in the vaccines, how the diseases they supposedly protect them from are treatable today, how Michigan still has waivers to attend school. They in turn educate their friends. This is how we are going to get through to our government, at the grass roots level. I just want to say thank you for sharing your stories, I'm so sorry that you have had to endure the pain, suffering and sorrows of vaccine injured children. It is only by the grace of God my children weren't injured. If I could roll back time, I would not have vaccinated them. Please don't blame yourselves for your children's vaccine injuries...you were broadsided by big pharma and the government.
Posted by: beverly gardner | August 31, 2015 at 12:22 PM
Thank you, Cathy. I think this woman is very fortunate to have you as a friend!
Posted by: Jeannette Bishop | August 31, 2015 at 12:00 PM
I work with a girl who has a 1 year old that has been healthy , happy, developing ahead and unscathed from vaccines. I told her my story and at first, she admitted later, she thought I was sort of off my rocker. She works with my son at speech therapy from time to time . I showed her pictures of my son when he was little; happy, smiling, making eye contact, sitting up and crawling. I then showed her 3 5x8 pictures, 1 at 3 months, not autistic, 1 at 12 months, still not autistic and 1 at 2 years, vaccine injured. She said in the progression, you could see the light go away from 1 year to 2 year. 2 years old, 4 months after a round of 8 vaccines including 2, YES, 2 flu vaccines, it was an accident (I didn't find out until a few years later). This co-worker started asking for literature and books , I gave her vaccine inserts, and ingredients. Of course she was mortified at what she read. She still thanks me today for having the courage to tell her my story and for helping save her son. She said whenever she gets frustrated with her children, as we all do, that she thinks of my son and the struggle he has, she thinks of all the children harmed or killed by vaccines and the families that will never be the same and she thanks God for our bravery to speak out. Sometimes I feel as though my story is all I have left at times, in order to help other children and families, whether they listen or not ( I've had several, not listen). Our stories are the only thing they haven't taken away.....yet.
Posted by: Kelley | August 30, 2015 at 11:36 PM
Ah. Me too.. Did I know that smallpox vaccination as an infant would stop my beautiful baby daughter's progress, stop her rolling over and pushing up, which she was already doing, and leave her lying on her back staring at her moving fingers, hour after hour, engrossed in her own world... Who had ever heard of autism over 45 years ago? All I can say is thank God for the Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential.
Posted by: Sun~Rose | August 30, 2015 at 08:48 PM
Sweet! I worry every time a baby is born these days, but not this one.
Posted by: Gary Ogden | August 30, 2015 at 07:35 PM
This is legit. Help if you can for the stretch run of the California referendum. http://www.gofundme.com/SB277Referendum
Posted by: Sean Burke | August 30, 2015 at 07:06 PM
Beautiful, Cat! But don't disparage yourself. Don't forget that there is a big, big FACT that cannot be denied:
YOU (and parents like you) MADE THE BEST CHOICES YOU COULD WITH WHAT YOU HAD.
Did you have all the information you needed? No.
Did you provide informed consent? Or was it misinformed consent?
The best you had--misinformation, disinformation, no information at all--was not enough. But it was all you had.
Think of the best your baby has now--your love, his father's love and the love of his siblings, your fierce determination, the incredibly growing network of friends and information, and the absolute certainty that truth will be revealed ... all of this is his. Because all of you have his back.
Amen? Amen!
Posted by: MamaBear | August 30, 2015 at 07:03 PM
Thank you Cathy! As I've said to many amazing mothers who shared their stories, who were not afraid to tell the truth, who were relentless about getting the "anecdotal" evidence and personal accounts of their experiences out somehow...THANK YOU. Many of us have perfectly healthy partially-vaccinated, delay-vaccinated or non-vaccinated children. It's much like riding on the coat tails of a Saint or riding on the back of a giant. You're undying commitment to new mothers and to people at-large is angelic and the pain you and your family have endured is the reason I fight alongside you. Thank you for saving lives and teaching how to do the same. ❤️
Posted by: Michelle F | August 30, 2015 at 06:43 PM
Tears. Read this and remember it. Be forever haunted by it parents-to-be.
Posted by: Michelle M Guppy | August 30, 2015 at 05:25 PM