No Greater Joy
By Cathy Jameson
I met a young woman at a car dealership just about two years ago. I was there to get an oil change. She and her family were car shopping. Sitting in the child play area with two of my kids, the young woman parked her stroller opposite of where we were sitting and unbuckled her boys. She got her toddler and baby settled with some toys while her husband remained with a sales clerk to discuss cars.
I stole a few glances at the woman. She was pregnant. Trying to calculate her boys' ages, I thought to myself, Wow, soon to be three kids under the age of three. Just like I had.
Thinking back to my early days of parenting, I remembered how busy I was. How tiring it was. And sometimes how old I felt. This woman so young. She too so busy. But she didn’t have time to be tired. She was keeping tabs on her boys and sat down with them when they sat to play. She jumped up when one scooted off to a different corner of the room. She also stayed one step ahead of her other son he wanted to explore what lay beyond the play area.
The older boy reminded me of my brother when my brother was a baby—tan skin, curls, deliciously round cheeks. And happy. Her older son was so happy. I found myself giggling as I watched him.
The young woman and I made eye contact and said a polite hello. She tried to apologize for how quickly her boys took over the play area. I told her not to worry. I had five kids, also close in age. Her sons were a delight and certainly not a bother. I picked up a magazine but continued to steal glances of her children as I read. I was drawn to them.
The oil change was taking longer than usual. The automotive rep came over and apologized for how long things were taking. He added that it would be a little bit longer. I didn't mind. In fact, I was glad to have a reason to stick around. I felt an overwhelming urge to talk to the young mom. I get that feeling every now and then, that I'm in the right place at the right time. But it’s not for my benefit; it’s tends to be someone else's.
I noticed one of the boys had mild eczema and felt compelled to say something. But to blurt out “Hey, your kid has eczema. Will you tell about it?” didn't seem polite. I tried to start a conversation a few times but came up speechless. A few more minutes past before I mustered the confidence to say something.
I don't remember now how I started the conversation, but we ended up talking about a lot of things, including vaccines.
By the time our conversations was over, the young mom and I had chatted about everything. We talked about parenting. We talked about the benefits of having kids close in age. We discussed nutrition, vaccines and eczema. I had just seen an article about a study from the 1950s make the rounds in some discussion groups about eczema, so I mentioned that I thought I’d read that it was recommended to not give vaccines to someone who has it. This young mother had not heard this and was floored. For a second I regretted opening my mouth. But what could've been a conversation stopper opened a door.
What I had shared turned into the chance to have another conversation. The young mother realized she was not as informed as she could be. She confided that she had worries. But her pediatrician didn’t respect them. She had quite a few questions. But her pediatrician didn’t answer them. She had concerns about her boys’ health. But she realized she didn’t have the support she needed to help them.
The young mom promised to read more. I promised to guide her if she needed help. I’d have to guide her from a distance though. My car was finally ready. We parted ways with the promise to keep in touch.
It was a few months later, we found each other again. She messaged me, and I quickly replied. Thrilled to reconnect, and ready to answer as many questions she warned me she had, our friendship blossomed.
In the two years since our random meet up, we continue to discuss all sorts of things—holistic doctors, homeopathic remedies, childhood vaccines, homeschooling, trusting your gut and finding and keeping strength while parenting—no topic has been off limits.
Because of how busy we both are with our families, we don’t get to meet up as often as I’d like to. But we have had a few get togethers, most recently a play date that was full of lots of play—imaginative, associative, parallel and collaborative play. I couldn’t believe my eyes! The boys had grown both in height and in development. And this time, I didn’t have to steal any glances. My eyes darted around the room excitedly watching them enjoy the toys and the time we spent together.
While sitting at the table playing play dough with her older sons, I looked at the young mother and was filled with a great amount of joy. She did it. She made changes. She took control of her children’s health. She went against her pediatrician’s practice and found another provider willing to walk with her, not be condescending toward her. How rewarding for her, and also for me as well. She respected my thoughts and suggestions and found strength to turn things around.
She has three boys now. Three lucky boys are heading down the path to better health because of their dedicated mother. Their mom nervously but bravely stepped away from mainstream medicine and what it was dictating. Because of that, these children are on a different path. They are going in a different direction, and I can see that it’s a good one.
That wasn’t the first random and life-changing encounter I’ve had. I’ve had a few more since the one at the car dealership. I attribute these unplanned meet ups to the Holy Spirit. I feel Him tapping me on the shoulder. I hear His quiet message, “Say hello. You must. You have a lot in common. And you’re the perfect person to help.” I’ve ignored that message before and feel terrible that I did.
I’m glad I found the courage to speak the young mom at the dealership. She is now a friend. Plus, she reminds me a lot of me—determined, passionate about her children and ready to do whatever needs to be done for them. She is a good mom doing great things.
Motherhood is rewarding. So are friendships and experiences that bring great amounts of joy. I have been blessed with many friendship, including some that have started with a random meet up. I have a lot of respect for the moms I don’t plan on meeting but somehow find our paths crossing. These moms are sometimes lost and sometimes feel helpless. But they soon find out that they are actually determined. They know that something needs to be done. They see that things need to change. When they realize that, they get a second chance. They are now confident and no longer feel lost. I’s then that they start to believe. But these mothers don’t just believe in their kids. They finally believe in themselves.
Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.
I love hearing a story like this. 3 kids who are not going to end up suffering. Beautiful. Connecting the dots - believing in the power of the the universe, Holy spirit, God, whatever we each individually call it. Had it not happened to me, it was to hugely wrong to wrap my brain around that it could possibly be true. Miracles happen everyday. The same story over and over and over cannot equal just a bunch of crazy insane mothers. My prayer is that today is different - there are too many of us telling the same story of injury and recovery. 10 years ago these crazy, insane mothers helped me and today my son is 15, high honors and telling us he can do it all by himself - he doesn't need an aide at school. Fly my son, fly high ... so grateful for all the Cathy's out there that helped me. So very grateful. My younger son dodged the bullet because of his older brother's injury ... everyday babies and children are dodging the bullet of vaccine injury because of our children. Loved this article Cathy ... thanks.
Posted by: Kathy S. | October 21, 2014 at 05:36 AM
@Anita,
We moved to the West Coast from Colorado when our son was just about to turn one year old. We moved to Foster City and although a lovely city, the mindset, at least as to the vaccine issue, was decidedly mainstream for the most part. That was definitely my experience at any rate.
I've learned so much from the experiences I had during the time we lived there. In hindsight, I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. I learned to develop a thicker skin for one thing, and I'm glad to hear that Foster City has a pediatrician who actually treats children who are on the spectrum. They've come a long way since 1994 when we first arrived...
As painful as it was for me, as an adult, to experience downright bullying during those days, I'd do it all over again if need be. My son's health and future depended on my advocating for him in spite of the many obstacles we had to endure. I had one pediatrician literally tell me I didn't love our son because I wouldn't succumb to all the monstrous tests and vaccines he wanted to put our son through. (I also told him where he could stuff it.) Not normal behavior for me, but I knew in my heart that our son's health was literally being destroyed before our eyes because of something I just wasn't truly comprehending at the time.
NOW I KNOW. And as much as I berate myself for allowing them to inject our son with something I wasn't so sure was going to help him, I'm glad I started listening to my heart shortly after our son's six month birthday. We quit vaccinating him after he reached six months of age and I've never regretted it.
Today, as I've stated here on numerous occasions, he's healthy, in college, and doing beautifully. It was worth going through what we had to go through, if it meant protecting our son's future.
Again, thanks for sharing your story, Cathy...made my day.
Posted by: Bayareamom | October 20, 2014 at 11:25 AM
There really is something deeply wonderful about making these sorts of connections. Beautiful story. Although i myself am not religious, i do sometimes feel a bigger-than-me hand in such encounters.
Posted by: Full Spectrum Mama | October 20, 2014 at 11:04 AM
Cathy, I'm so glad this mom had you to help her find the path she wanted or needed.
Posted by: Jeannette Bishop | October 19, 2014 at 09:04 PM
Bayareamom, I have a double whammy for you. When my sons language growth slowed down due to vaccination --I told the Moms group we were in that he needed speech therapy from my shock and sadness and fear. Instead of support, they kicked us out--and I hadn't even mentioned vaccines as I had not yet figured it out. This was in a Palo Alto moms group ---presumably they feared that my speech delayed child might stop their toddlers chances of getting into the ivy leagues! So --moms with young toddlers in the early 2000s were mean too. But something has changed. Moms now listen. The tide is turning. And to all those lonely moms out there please know you are right to think for yourself. Your baby will be much better off for it. One day those same mothers who scoffed at your pain or shunned you will sheepishly approach you for advice as a relatives child or a later child has the same issues... It's sad but it often happens.... Thanks again to Cathy.
Posted by: Anita Donnelly | October 19, 2014 at 08:16 PM
Wow Cathy. You have said something I have often thought. Only I attributed it to my child's guardian angel. Out of the blue in coincidental settings few would believe --some brave person would approach me and say "your child cannot tolerate gluten" for example and it would happen several times in a week and I would decide to take the advice and do it and it would help. Sometimes the answers to our prayers are that Mom over there who cares and dares to start a conversation in the form Moms everywhere have used since the beginning of time. When the media slams Jenny or Katie or anyone telling what happens they are trying to shut down our sharing of our truths. Thanks to kind brave warrior Parents like you, Cathy, my son is on the path to recovery. Thanks to a series of strange interactions I will write about some time, I stopped vaxxing, I started biomed, and one after another of his symptoms improved. My way of paying it forward is to speak up when I see that I can. It's scary to speak but it's scarier not to. When I see a pregnant woman I try to hint but I know how hard that is to get advice from strangers. I do what I can like you I look for openings. I think of the day I die when God says you knew this why didnt you speak out every time---and I know my answer that they weren't ready to hear me does not cut it. So I risk ridicule but sometimes get rewarded with gratitude sometimes I get silence or anger. Sometimes I don't risk and then I suffer guilt. I realize I can't take care of my son if I lose my job by telling my coworker to be careful. And yet what other tragedy can a person befall that they are not permitted to tell the truth about? Thank you Cathy. For reminding us.
Posted by: Anita Donnelly | October 19, 2014 at 05:46 PM
I love this story, Cathy.
Back around 1993/1994, when I had our son, it was really hard for me to find like minded new moms who had questions about our vaccine program.
I was naive in those days and to my surprise, after I would share our son's story about his post-vaccination reactions, I more often than not found myself ridiculed and chastised for the fact that we were no longer vaccinating Ryan. Literally, at one point, one of the playgroups I'd signed up to join decided to adopt one of its moms to our moms' club to ask that I not be allowed to join. They didn't use the vaccine issue as the sole issue as to why they didn't want me to join, but later on I found out via another mom that this was the reason I was not wanted in this group. It was a very painful emotional experience to go through. I didn't know anyone in this small town and to be so ostracized back in those days simply because of our decision to no longer vaccinate our son, wasn't something I saw coming. How would I? Motherhood was a new journey for me and I needed all the support I could find. I ended up befriending a few young moms at the local gym in the area, which helped, but wow. It was hard!!
I received more than a few tongue lashings because of my statements about vaccines. I shake my head these days when I realize how terribly naive I was back then about all of this. And it didn't matter that our son's pediatric staff admitted our son had suffered with vaccine reactions and had them documented in his medical files. Even that particular info. leveled in my defense to these moms' groups did nothing to quell their concern that our unvaccinated son was somehow going to cause disease amongst their fully vaccinated toddlers.
Years later, I actually had a mom in this same town apologize to me. I found her over at Generation Rescue's website. I'd never met this woman, but she admitted that she, too, would have been one of those moms way back then that simply wouldn't have understood the issues with vaccines that so many parents are now faced with. While it was absolutely lovely for her to state this to me, I must admit I can still find myself feeling sorry for the new mom that I was back in those days, finding myself w/o many friends in those playgroups simply because we chose not to vaccinate.
It warms my heart to read a story such as the one you've just shared. I'm so glad when I hear young moms with stories such as yours, because my own memories are filled with the pain of my own memories when I started out as a rather naive new mom. I'd never imagined that by simply opening up to these moms' groups about our son's horrific vaccine reactions would bring me so much grief.
The really sad part is that there are so many more children being harmed by the overly saturated vaccine program in this country; I'm quite certain that if I were that new mom today, I'd have absolutely no problem finding like minded newbie moms re: the vaccine issue.
Thanks for sharing your lovely story. I really enjoyed reading it.
Posted by: Bayareamom | October 19, 2014 at 05:34 PM