Here's another one...but this story was pulled from the NY Times website soon after it hit. Fortunately I screen captured it before it disappeared from the internet forever.

"Anti-Vaxx'ers Embraced by American Public?"
Researchers were astounded to find that public opinion polls weighed in high favor of families who do not vaccinate their children - also known as anti-vax'ers.

Support for the non-conformist approach to health and well-being was overwhelming. When asked why respondents were so supportive of non-vax'ing families, poll participants cited a reduction to their own insurance rates - a benefit where dollars not spent on vaccines in healthy children could be put toward healthcare costs of chronic diseases. Virtually 100% of poll participants reported they or someone in their immediate family had a chronic debilitating health condition that was costing them thousands of dollars out of pocket each year.

Times reporters conducted a cursory review of the cost of the childhood vaccine program and determined that for every 1% drop in vaccine uptake, the impact on healthcare dollars NOT spent is a staggering $21,900,000 dollars.

“I want $15,000 of that money that’s saved by those anti-vax’ers to pay for my husband’s next chemo treatment,” said Polly Whoawally of Poughkeepsie, NY. “I don’t care if they don’t vaccinate their children! That’s more money to treat me and my family!”

Joan Sicker of Hartford, CT, agreed. “My healthcare costs for pain meds and my back surgery are breaking the bank. Please people keep saving the system money. Your babies are healthy and you don’t need the money like the rest of us do. All healthcare dollars should go to chronic and terminal illnesses.”

Dr. Idont Nowhatathinkofit said, “These people may have a point, for every 10% of children that aren’t vaccinated that’s more than $300 million that can go toward the care of sick people who need it more than healthy newborn babies. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think this makes a lot more sense. Put healthcare dollars where it’s needed most.

The NY Times does not endorse or agree with poll results. Our position is and has always been get every freaking shot that’s ever made damnit!

A new vaccine to prevent autism is underway! We don't know what causes but we know how to create a vaccine to prevent it! In other news a recent study shows autism may be communicable. Autistic kids no longer allowed in "normal kid" classrooms. Least Restrictive Environment is now solely in the home. ADA to follow same lead. we wouldn't want this to spread.

The New York Times has reported that 86 of their employees have come down with the chicken pox, another 48 have contracted the whooping cough, while 103 got the measles. The CDC further stated that these diseases all came from the cousin of an eleven year old girl from the Netherlands who was working in China but traveled to Paris, London and New York City between March 13 and March 28 of this year. The CDC has now, along with the help of the WHO, isolated every person in Paris, London and New York City in an effort to keep it from spreading to Spain, Italy, Switzerland and other cities in the US and other countries. So far China is not cooperating. They have brought in Dr. Nancy Snyderman to run the campaign to get everyone in the world vaccinated for all these diseases. She will travel the world with her bull horn and yell"Just get the damn shot." Those who refuse to comply will get shot. The New York Times further stated it will be moving its offices to a safer location in Chippewa Fall, Wisconsin. Meanwhile, they have asked the cousin of the 11 year old girl to identify every person she came in contact with the whole month of March, even if she doesn't personally know them.

I vote for this one...

"Measles Epidemic RIPS Through New York City! In city of 8 million 11 people ( 5 were vaccinated ) test positive for measles! All make complete recovery. 5,000 word article to follow!!!! By, Douglas O’Deil"

Headline: AI Bots Fail to Convince Anti-Vaxxers to Vax Their Kids!

Will Bates is confounded that the logic of his programmed legions of Robo-Nurses and Robo-Docs could not convince parents of unvaccinated children to fully vaccinate their children according to the required schedule of 100,000 vaccines! Bates was overheard saying, "I don't understand. -- This is completely illogical! It does not compute!"

Dr. Profit, millionaire vaccine industrialist, and developer of the Rotocrap vaccine, stated, "Our poor, poor stakeholders! This is such a spectacular loss to all of our poor, poor stakeholders! What will become of them due to these stupid, genetically inferior, human parents who care more about their children's God-given biological integrity, their children's God-given immune systems, and even their God, than our poor, poor stakeholders?"

The extraordinarily ethical and pure of heart, Bart Craplan, who is always consulted, no matter what the vaccine issue, no matter what the publication anywhere in the world, had this to say. "The lack of ethics displayed by these anti-vaxxers is shameful! That anyone would complain about the death, brain-damage, or life-long disability of their previously healthy infants and children and relate it to their recent vaccinations, is just plain criminal!"

As long as we're being sardonic, I'm sure that last thing that corporate America wants is an incoming generation of young male workers with no distractive social lives, no vices, and needfully medicated with what is essentially speed. No of course that's the last thing any inwardly turning empire in collapse would want, I'm sure.

Nancy, you are 'parodying', I know, but not really. Most here have seen the articles confirming exactly this, that aspies are just golly gee great workers if 'utilized' correctly.

Leading Headlines and leading lines in the same newspaper, on the same page:
On April 1st -- April Fool's Day.

Title: Pertussis outbreak in Northern Kentucky:
"There are rare incidents of vaccine injuries among a small group of minority children, but not significant and very few in numbers everyone needs to get their vaccines -------- Vaccinations rates are good says the director of health up to 96%."

Title:
Lottery Drawing Tonight; Jack Pot up to 94 Million:
"Get your ticket before it is too late, remember to play responsibly after all the chances of you winning is about the same chance of you being hit by a meteor - twice. ------------------ Record number of Lottery tickets sold today"

Title:
CDC Numbers out: Autism Numbers are Up
"The CDC released new numbers today that the autism numbers are up from the last release and is now 1 out of 68. ----- well we are not sure these are the real numbers."

Title:
NIMH says bipolar has increased 40 fold in past decade:
"Great news for those suffering from bipolar; FDA has approved a new drug just for bipolar depression, Latudia. The bad news is it cost 700 dollars a month. Tom Insel, the director of the National Institute of Mental Health acknowledged yesterday that the long-term outcome studies indicate that antipsychotics, despite their apparent short-tem benefits, "may worsen prospects for recovery" !"

Title
Childhood Obesity What is Really Behind It!;
"School lunches needs to include better food, and cut portions----The free lunch program is important - it maybe the only meal a child has that day. Schools need to encourage exercies ---------We are increasing the number of school days and cutting out recesses because the extra days and the extra 20 minutes will give more hours for students to study math which students of the United States lag behind the other nattions.
Obseity it behind the increase in childhood diabeties -----School nurses, and teachers need to keep in their possession candy bars in case of a diabetic emergency "

The Good Ship Lollipop Cruise through the Land of Denial is filling up fast! by Shirley U. Jest

Step into the fantasy. Get you tickets now! Join us for 7 Day cruise with CDC's very own Captain Coleen Boyle and first mate Tom Insel. Entertainment provided by special guest speakers Dr. Paul prOffit and Dr. Nancy "Get your Damn Shot" Snyderman. Special offer: A free flu vaccine with every ticket sold. Tour Highlights:

Day 1: Depart from the Port of Reality
Day 2: The IOM
Day 3: The CDC in Altanta
Day 4: The AAP
Day 5: Merck HQ
Day 6: FDA
Day 7: Washington DC

Disclaimer: Cruise organizers are not responsible for severe adverse reaction and uncontrollable vomiting from eating all the bullshit pie served up on this tour. Passengers sail at their own risk.

"Older Parents Lose Parental Rights over Chicken Pox" - Parents at a local senior center were outraged over losing parental rights to their grown children. Child Protective Services severed the link between grown children and parents because these parents purposely exposed their children to this generations equivalent of the Black Death - chicken pox. "I thought I was doing the right thing," sobbed Mrs. Whyme. "My neighbors invited him to a chicken pox party, and I let my son attend. So he experienced the trauma of chicken pox at the tender age of 6! I didn't know any better. I should have waited. He could have been vaccinated. Silly me; I thought acquiring lifelong immunity was more important than a week's worth of a rash."

"H1N1 PANDEMIC – We are all going to DIE, every person on earth, unless vaccinated- right NOW! By. Benedict Larey"

Tamiflu sales hit almost $3 billion in 2009 - mostly due to its use in the H1N1 flu pandemic - but they have since declined because too many scientists believe Tamiflu is ineffective in fighting flu.

Tamiflu, one of a class of medicines known as neuraminidase inhibitors, is approved by regulators worldwide and is stockpiled in preparation for a potential global flu outbreak. It is also on the World Health Organization's "essential medicines" list.

Thank God governments worldwide have stockpiled Tamiflu worth BILLIONS .. in spite of those scientists who warn that Tamiflu is a waste of scarce monies should a real pandemic occur in the near future.