Autism Community Unites Behind Poison Pen Letter Recipient
By Kim Stagliano
Every so often, this fractured, exhausted, nose-to-grindstone-for-the-kids autism community is able to leap to the defense of another family without so much as a pause. It doesn't matter whether Mom is biomed or ABA, psychiatric meds or organic Yak juice - you get my point. Sometimes the cruelty of how others perceive and feel entitled to treat our children - no matter their age - rallies us round the autism flag like Pearl Harbor.
Media outlets from Perez to the NY Daily News have reported on a poison pen letter sent "anonymously" to a family in Toronto, Canada. From City News Toronto:
A family is in shock and a community has united after an anonymous hate letter was written about a young boy living with severe autism.
Karla Begley told CityNews her son Max, 13, stays with his grandmother in the morning during the summer time. It was at that home in Newcastle where letter was delivered on Friday.
“I was shaking when I was reading it,” Brenda Millson, Max’s grandmother, told CityNews. “It’s awful words. You don’t know why somebody would ever do such a thing.”
The typed, one-page letter refers to the young boy as a “nuisance”
and a “wild animal” before suggesting the family move or “euthanize” the
child.
My neighbors have no idea how often I close windows on a warm day when a meltdown is in progress or imminent. The woman who might give me stink eye at Stop & Shop doesn't know that my child is using every ounce of her courage to maintain her calm while roaming the brightly lit store. I wrote a BOOK trying to explain to outsiders that our lives - yours, mine, the autism Mom who thinks I'm a complete anti-vaccine kook - are crazy hard. We deserve compassion and for God's sake, a bit of kindness. It's the end of summer - my kids desperately need their school routine. Don't yours? Maybe Max needs his too. Certainly Kara Begley needs to hear from all of us in the autism community, "We love you. We have your back. We love your son. We ARE you."
And to "One Pissed Off Mother" who thought typing this letter would make her feel better and superior to Max, his Gram and his Mom? We and our children will live our lives with pride and dignity, thank you very much. And I hope the media crush you are receiving now feels like a thousand paper cuts under a shaker of salt.....
Kim Stagliano is Managing Editor of Age of Autism. Her novel, House of Cards; A Kat Cavicchio romantic suspense is available from Amazon in all e-formats now. Her memoir, All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa is available in hardcover, paperback and e-book.
This "pissed off mother" have the biggest disability of all,
she has no heart and no tolerance.
Posted by: oneVoice | August 26, 2013 at 08:12 PM
This woman needs to realize that the venom displayed in this letter (was the color of the paper intended to be scarlet?) indicates that all is not well in her family. The whole thing reads like a nervous breakdown waiting to happen. In all the years Erik was alive I have never come across anything like this. I hope this person gets help before she goes off the deep end. I for one am inclined to feel sorry for her because she will be all alone when something bad happens to her or her children
Posted by: Birgit Calhoun | August 22, 2013 at 12:53 AM
That letter is absolutely horrific. Pity her children if she truly has any. She is clearly unstable in some way.
Posted by: jen | August 21, 2013 at 08:22 PM
If we go back the Hitler's Germany in the 1930s we see a movement to get rid of just about anyone "society" did not care to have live.
Our Autistic Children are just the vanguard of what is to grow to unimaginable numbers.
Our society is creating tens of millions of individuals who will become "hopeless" medical cases. For example the simply prevented Sugar Diabetes is being created in children of age 10 and below. An individual does not live much beyond thirty years with Sugar Diabetes with the last 20 often being hell on earth. It costs 400,000 in lifetime medical care to "treat" Sugar Diabetes.
Sugar Diabetes is CURED in two weeks by simply not eating sugar and simple crabs.
http://healthyprotocols.com/2_cave.htm
When these kids go into the hospital in some 20 years at the age of 30 the Death Panel Boards may decide they do not walk out of the hospital. The protocol is they are put into a room and given no food and NO WATER and lots of drugs, cheap pain killing drugs. In three days the average person is dead. Of course without WATER we are all dead in a few days.
This is being done in England and much of America TODAY on old people. Obama Care just legalizes it for everyone to include babies.
Posted by: Lou | August 21, 2013 at 07:41 PM
That horrible, hateful, disgusting letter writer has just proven she's a worse threat to any neighborhood than a disabled child -- and s/he deserves jail time.
I hope a forensic document analyst goes over that letter thoroughly for clues, not to mention fingerprints. The scribbler claims to be female, but perhaps is not. Is probably under 40, because only one space bar is used after periods. Functionally literate but misspelled the colloquialism. Definite mood issues, and perhaps chemically dependent. And look for the house with the beaten-down, emotionally damaged kids.
Posted by: nhokkanen | August 21, 2013 at 05:59 PM
We love children on the spectrum from all over the world, and have awesome services and support for our kids. Move to Austin. We will welcome you with open arms!
Posted by: TxWarriorMom | August 21, 2013 at 05:53 PM
I do agree with Linda that it seems like people are getting a bit sociopathic, or at least much coarser. Perhaps it is the mercury in flu shots--I am not joking actually--or something about our age. There doesn't seem to be even the pretext of caring in many cases. Of course this woman was way over the line but internet comments in general are really nasty. A close relative of mine who has PDD was targeted by some not so young school kids who wrote things like "I would like to punch your teeth in til they come out your ass..." None of the parents apologized. Their kids sounded like penitentiary inmates but they did not think it necessary to even apologize. I think this is somewhat of a larger issue, but don't know exactly what.
Posted by: Lisa | August 21, 2013 at 05:50 PM
Just remember...Canada is not "America Lite" in that they do not have the same free speech laws as in the US.
This person will be found...made public...and all bets are off.
Posted by: Richard Stands | August 21, 2013 at 05:36 PM
How many people have magenta paper in their house ??? I assume the writer will be located...
...of course if the CDC tries to help, it may take 10 or 20 years.
Posted by: cmo | August 21, 2013 at 01:51 PM
My son is autistic. He is a joy. The amount of joy I get form being his mother makes up for the times when I ask myself how will we get through. I find it so ironic that this letter writer states these thoughts are shared by others who don't have the guts to say it and then she herself does not place her own name down. It may not meet the criteria of hate crime but what should happen to her certainly would. Sometimes people need not worry what the autistic kids might do, but rather what their mothers are capable of...
Posted by: Kim Weathers/Steele, MO | August 21, 2013 at 12:00 PM
I have a feeling that sociopathy is also, alarmingly, on the rise. And I think there's a spectrum. Some, like normal mom, have no ability to empathize and aren't aware that that is a problem, don't even try to hide it. Others - like journalists who haven't a clue and don't care or who do have a clue and are deliberately misinforming the public, like vaccine injury denialists, like bought off doctors and scientists and like skeptics who rip anyone with a different point of view apart at every opportunity, like drug pushing propagandist front groups, like government appointed autism committees that walk out of meetings early or that don't listen to parents or that don't want to be in elevators with autistic children, that accomplish nothing outside of spending taxpayer dollars on useless research, like industry insiders who know what was admitted and than covered up at Simpsonwood. This part of the spectrum tries to hide its soullessness behind intellect and credentials. Yesterday, there was a horrific crime reported in the news, of a young Australian man shot by two American boys. It seems that the boys had no feeling for their victim. In my view, all these people suffer from the same inability to empathize and are a danger to society.
Posted by: Linda | August 21, 2013 at 11:59 AM
I heard on the radio that Max had a ball with his name on it that he used to play with in the backyard. One day it went over a fence and it was returned all slashed. I don't think that it will be too hard to narrow down the possible suspects.
The best part is, that whilst this person was trying to ostracize this family, their efforts have only served to isolate themselves. The show of support from the neighbours for Max and his family hopefully will cause the pathetic person who wrote the letter to re-think their prejudices and ridiculous sense of entitlement. Or cause THEM to move. Win/win.
Posted by: samaxtics | August 21, 2013 at 11:46 AM
Oh, she's a Mother alright... What a horrifying shame that people are capable of such cruelty. It breaks my heart that my daughter has to know that vicious people like this exist in the same world she shares with her brother with low-verbal autism. I don't hold out much hope for Pissed Off Mom's "normal" children being raised with hatred like that. Good thing you reap what you sow...Karma is a 'mother' too.
Posted by: GetBackLoretta | August 21, 2013 at 11:04 AM
us, the autism community, mother, father, family and friends from Puerto Rico, send a big hug to the family that is going through these moments of anguish, knowing that there are people trying to take away your peace. . my son also has autism, I say it with pride. all united by a cause to demand respect and equality.
Posted by: wanda rosario | August 21, 2013 at 10:25 AM
Unfortunately for them, that woman's "normal" kids are almost certain to grow up with a lot of baggage as the result of being raised by such a venomous person.
Posted by: Susan | August 21, 2013 at 10:22 AM
Mom with "normal " kids better be careful. I remember in special ed class watching another little boy who had so much more going for him than my son in terms of skills, language social popularity etc; his family was always kind to us, but the difference in the two boys was obvious to everyone, and there were times when I would wish my son could have life as easy as him, with so few challenges..
Then one day a chest of drawers fell on top of the little boy. Thank God he survived and was reasonably ok: but I don't know what long term damage he might have got. It was a sad reminder to me that no one can guarantee that everything would be ok all the time, even if it looks like they have it made.
Obnoxious letter writing Mom with her "normal" kids may find she is on the other side of the fence one day, if not with her kids, then with her grandkids.
It does make you wonder what was wrong with "normal Mom" that she was able to write such a letter. Is the letter writer herself on the verge of a breakdown? Not a very sane thing to do, when you really think about it.
its nice to see though that despite all our philosophical differences the whole autism/special needs community can unite to right a wrong.
Posted by: Hera | August 21, 2013 at 09:41 AM
There are lots of jerks in the world. People who are so self-centered and egotistical that they criticize and belittle others that they don't understand. But P.O.'d Mom is a step beyond, she is a Sociopath. She sees only how others effect her, and has no empathy for others. She thinks that people that offend her idea of normal should not be allowed to exist. That type of person cannot be helped. She is a very dangerous person.
Posted by: Sylvia | August 21, 2013 at 09:26 AM
What is a wild animal compared to a true bitchy monster living in the the neighorhood. Which one needs to go. I like the magenta paper - nice touch, of a self absorbed bitchy monster.
Posted by: Benedetta | August 21, 2013 at 09:23 AM
Well said, Kim. I second that Amen.... that hateful woman may never be charged with a crime... but the court of public opinion, should she be outed, will make her persona non grata... and she'll be forced to reevaluate her horrible attitude.
Posted by: Erik Nanstiel | August 21, 2013 at 09:21 AM
I can certainly recall dreadful incidents from the past: it is usually the casually vicious comments of strangers in public places - not usually written down or so extended. Of course, this is not indicative of a high level of education or culture and it is just added to the unconcern and indifference of most people.
Posted by: John Stone | August 21, 2013 at 09:18 AM
AAAAAAAAAAAMEN!
Posted by: Peggy Gurney | August 21, 2013 at 07:57 AM