I Have Come To Realize
A few years ago, a friend tagged me in a note on Facebook called “I Have Come to Realize”. Every sentence began “I have come to realize that...” and included about thirty random ideas. My friend had filled in her realizations and asked that I copy/paste the note and offer my own. It was a neat activity that had nothing to do with autism, so I quickly followed the directions. Copying the outline, I filled in my answers and then shared the note with my friends.
I’ve since deleted the note off of Facebook, but I saved the answers in my writing file. I did this to capture my thoughts in that moment of time hoping to learn from them in the future. I come across that file every now and then and always make time to reread it. Some of the entries make me laugh while others give me an insight to the fears I had at the time. Many of those revolved around Ronan. Some of them are the same fears that I still have today.
With those worries never too far from my thoughts, I experience mixed emotions when I open the file. I feel trapped in that some things haven’t yet changed for the better. I also feel a bit stronger knowing that I have at least admitted that I am afraid.
From several years ago:
- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that I have lost...a lot of time by researching instead of doing or just living.
- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that when I get on Facebook...I escape to my past since I'm afraid of the future.
- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that my friends...are more of a lifeline that I imagined.
- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that this year...is one full of questioning but also of accepting.
- I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that I'm totally terrified...of many things now that I'm a Mom.
The realizations that I have now aren’t very different especially when I think about the ones specific to Ronan and his vaccine injury. After reflecting on that list while preparing to go to the Autism One conference I decided to rewrite it. Thinking about who I’d get to see, what I’d get to hear and why I feel like I have to be at Autism One and away from my family for four days, I made new entries:
I have come to realize that what happened to my child broke me into a million pieces.
I have come to realize that I am stronger because of what happened.
I have come to realize that it takes more than just keeping one foot in front of the other.
I have come to realize that bad days can be really, really bad and full of a pain that I never thought I’d ever experience.
I have come to realize that as much as I despise those people who knew about the damaging effects of vaccine injury, I would never wish this journey on anyone, including on those who caused it.
I have come to realize that as a mother of a special needs child, my faith is challenged more than I ever expected.
I have come to realize that no matter what has (and could) happen to Ronan I will never waiver in my faith.
I have come to realize that my family deserves more, and despite that, they will never quit working hard for Ronan.
I have come to realize that the people I surround myself with will forever be my lifeline even after our children are healthy and recovered.
I have come to realize that it takes dedicated persons willing to sacrifice their own wants and needs to face the types of adversities many of us have to face.
I have come to realize that I will never be the same person I was before Ronan came into my life.
Our children brought many of us together. At some point, we have shared a constant worry, an aching pain, a physical difficulty and a lowest low. To be able to see through streams of tears. To function at our best while feeling our worst. To feel rage and frustration one day and to burst into tears of joy another. It takes holding on tightly and never letting go. It takes believing in promises we’ve prayed to come true. It takes everything and more to continue to say yes and to keep going forward.
For those who don’t realize what it takes and why we’ve committed ourselves to seeing this through, let me help you understand something. Each one of us became who we are because of our children and what they’ve suffered. Because of them, we are stronger. Because of them, we are louder. Because of these beautiful children, there will be no stopping us. Our future. Our hopes. Our dreams. We will fulfill them.
Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.
"We SHALL overcome"
Yes how can we not believe this.
But I will give an analogy that may show how HARD this may be.
Three or four decades ago most scientifically oriented folks as well as MOST Bio scientists KNEW the fluoride or more correctly the Fluorosilicate sludge obtained from the smoke stacks of the Aluminum, Fertilizer, and Nuclear weapons Industries, was NOT a good thing to be putting in our water. One of the reasons is that it contains uranium, arsenic and other extremely toxic things we should not be putting in our bodies.
FOI Fluoridated Water Analysis for SA; Chemical source; 2006 - 2010
http://sapphireeyesproductions.blogspot.com/
What chemicals and heavy metals are in South Australia's drinking water? Here is Freedom of Information Analysis sheets, for the chemicals in South Australia's water from 2006 to 2010. This includes data (during differing months) that may not be that, 'palatable' ie. Aluminum @ 71 mg/l; Arsenic @ 5.2 mg/l; Iodine @ 500 mg/l; Lead @ 2 mg/l; URANIUM at 2mg/l. Yum? 'Healthy'? 'Clean'? 'Safe'? Note WHERE the chemical COMES FROM (August, 2010) ie. Shanghai, China.
We also KNEW that fluoride was BAD for children's teeth.
The problem was that the political PTB WANTED that crap in our water. So it remained and REMAINS to this day in our water. By my crude calculations having the crap in our water has cost this nation MANY tens of millions of person years of LOST life and at least an equal amount of diseased years. HHS KNOWS this and indeed it has been IMO an HHS objective.
So if they have been murdering us for five decades by adding a poison to our water why will they not murder us for five decades with poisons in "vaccines". They intend for these two murder campaigns as well as MANY more to continue into the foreseeable future.
http://healthyprotocols.com/2_fluoride.htm
Please forgive my use of the word murder but it is murder IMO. Deliberately inducing autism in our children goes beyond murder IMO.
Posted by: Lou | May 27, 2013 at 12:53 AM
I have come to realize that science is heavily biased and controlled- didn't want to think that but with friends affected by autism and 'Multiple Sclerosis', I do now.
Posted by: Jen | May 26, 2013 at 07:53 PM
As the parent of an adult with ASD, I have come to realize:
- that the medical professionals promising wondrous medical breakthroughs in 5 years...don't have any idea what they are talking about.
- that the timeline for researchers is the span of their careers. They have 40 years in which to study, muse, publish and report on their findings. As a parent, however, I have a mere 18 years in which to raise my child to adulthood. My sense of urgency will always be higher than theirs.
- that not everything is related to my son's diagnoses. Some of it is the everyday ups and downs of growing up. Don't look at every single thing he does through a medical lens.
- that I have a certain level of knowledge about this disorder that most researchers and medical professionals will never have, for I have lived it. They can poke, prod, and observe...but at the end of the day, my instinct as a mother is superior to many of their guesses.
- that many families helped to educate me when I was a young mother and frightened of dealing with these diagnoses. I repay them by carrying it forward to the next generation and teaming with others to solve the challenges that I have experience along the way.
- that my child without the disorder deserves an equal dose of mom's time. And that the child without the disorder is learning important life lessons very early in terms of dealing with people with disabilities.
Posted by: Vicki Hill | May 26, 2013 at 05:24 PM
I have come to realize that my first pony hooves grew way out and curled up has the same disease that my two kids have from their vaccine injuries.
My Dad had to saw off the hoovees with a hack saw - and it could never again be allowed to eat spring grass and fall grass - for the cold made the grass store sugar. Apparently it's hypothalamus could no longer control blood sugar and allowed inflammation in the blood vessels supplying the lining between the hooves and bone.
Where is the inflammation happening inside my kids?
Posted by: Benedetta | May 26, 2013 at 11:29 AM
"Each one of us became who we are because of our children and what they’ve suffered. Because of them, we are stronger. Because of them, we are louder. Because of these beautiful children, there will be no stopping us. Our future. Our hopes. Our dreams. We will fulfill them."
Amen to that Cathy .. as Martin Luther King once said:
"We SHALL overcome"
Posted by: Bob Moffitt | May 26, 2013 at 09:22 AM