Broken Promises Made Whole
Promises were sacred to me when I was a kid. They were what wishes, hopes and dreams were made of. They were part of childhood and how we learned how to trust others. If promises were broken, they were reminders of real life and that, as much as we didn’t like it, change was inevitable.
Playground promises had us thinking they’d last a lifetime:
I promise to be your best friend forever! (Even if forever was only for a day.)
I promise to invite you to my birthday party! (Until they changed their mind.)
I like you. Promise? Yep. (Until someone else hipper, cooler or more exciting came along.)
As an adult, promises are still important, but some that are made are not life-changing and don’t carry as much weight:
I promise to do the dishes...later.
I promise to organize the laundry room...soon.
I promise to return that phone call...eventually.
Those types of promises pale in comparison to the ones I made with all of my being as a young parent. Take for instance the promise I made to Ronan ten years ago when he was a newborn—I promised to keep Ronan safe, healthy and happy. How that has backfired!Safe from disease? The first assault to his immune system occurred hours after his birth and causes disregulation that plagues him even now.
To bring him good health? Good health would mean he’d be free of the
pain, frustration and difficulties he faces daily and that we’d be rid of the
many specialists we are forced to see because of Ronan’s condition.
To keep him happy? Sure, Ronan is happy--but with toys, books, games, music and experiences that mirror what a preschooler would prefer.
The promises I originally made to Ronan were not broken on purpose. They were broken in conjunction with others’ actions and with people whom I placed too much trust. Those promises I made were broken time and time again as I watched a medical system and its representatives act like know-it-all, higher-than-thou deities. Detours, disappointments and on-going devastation finally opened my eyes though.
Nothing could prepare me for how broken we both were after this realization—Ronan with his now complex medical issues and how they rule his life, and I with the nagging disappointment I carried after witnessing each promise I made to him be shattered.I could wallow in that disappointment all day long, but how is that going to help me help Ronan? It can’t. So, as I was forced to rework much of Ronan’s path, and how I have had to alter my own, I made new promises to Ronan. I may not have been able to fulfill those early promises I made to him all those years ago, but I have created and already acted on new ones.
I now promise to make life better for Ronan and to stay true to that as we both work toward his recovery:
I promise to learn as much as I possibly can with each book I read, order, check out of the library, borrow and one day hope to write.
I promise to continue to share Ronan's story with others while repeating it to those who simply have not accepted, or who will not rightfully acknowledge, that what happened to Ronan did indeed happen.
I promise to remain vocal about the autism-vaccine (and other environmental triggers) connection because children like Ronan unknowingly risked and lost their voices, faculties and abilities for a ‘greater good’ who cares nothing about Ronan or any of our children.
I promise, that as tired as I am, and as dejected as on some days I feel, I will keep going because Ronan must continue as well. If he can keep going with the limited abilities he has, then I have no excuse to give up now or ever.If they are never broken, promises have a beginning and end—once they are uttered to when they are completely satisfied. As we enter 2013, many, many promises made to our children have yet to be completed, my own for my son included. Maybe this will be the year that promises can finally be celebrated—especially those promises that bring life, love and success to our children because these children of ours are worthy of every action, positive thought and good deed that we can perform.
Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.
Sorry for the delay in my response, Tim, but your comment was one of the nicest things I have ever read. I appreciate all of the support--especially from the AoA diehards out there.
Posted by: Cat Jameson | January 05, 2013 at 03:22 PM
As a loyal reader of AoA I am as eager to see what is on your mind every Sunday as I am eager for each and every other post the rest of the week.
Even as a father, I live many of the same emotional roller coaster rides you so eloquently describe - its like I have someone doing my homework for me every single week.
The promises you list ring true for many of us but the one that means the most to me is the promise to continue to speak the truth and share Ronan's story. I believe I speak for many of us AoA diehards - you are our Erma Bombeck of the Bio-Med Autism world.
Looking forward to another year of ups and downs, triumphs and tribulations of Ronan and the crew at the Jameson ranch.
Posted by: Tim Kasemodel | January 01, 2013 at 12:45 AM
I find your post so heartfelt and true. Our children and we have had many promises broken. So we are careful what we promise. Because to us a promise is a promise and should not be broken. I promised I would restore my sons health and discover the truth of what happened at that well visit or die trying. I ment it then and I mean it now. That promise led me to AOA and your informative research rants when appropriate and most of all lots of time the inspiration to soldier on. Thank you for your writing. I find them Truthful Full of hard fought Wisdom with and underlying current of Love for your child and all those suffering on the spectrum. Truth is on our side..
Samuel Adams said
"...It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds.."
I promise to set fires in people's minds. I pinky swear !
Best wishes for healing in 2013 and some promises kept.
Posted by: Bad penny | December 30, 2012 at 07:55 PM
Thanks, Cathy, for sharing your proactive resolutions. I share your profound disappointment in the traditional medical majority that has so badly let down our families.
The defensive reaction to vaccine-induced autism by the CDC, AAP, industry and other responsible entities has spotlighted their and warped priorities, foibles and failures. These inept, self-serving government groups, trade unions and corporations do not deserve consumers' money or respect.
One need not dig too deep into documented evidence to find oneself utterly aghast by the sheer mediocrity and corruption of the people in charge of our nation's health. They say one thing, but do another -- or waffle, contradict, muddy the waters, and redirect investigations away from the obvious.
Edward R. Murrow said, "A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves." Yes, that, but one also sees an ample share of muttonheads butting around the taxpayers' trough.
Posted by: nhokkanen | December 30, 2012 at 07:22 PM
This is not on you...The broken promise was with our government, Pharma industry and pediatricians who have made the National Vaccine Policy more important than the children it was set up to protect. It is time to clean up the broken promises and create a new health paradigm to responsibly manage infectious disease with integrity for overall health... No more one size fits all, silver bullet solutions that line the pockets of a protected industry. This is a matter of attrocity by injection and it stops now. Ask congress to STOP the current recommended vaccine schedule and revert to fewer, more spread out vaccines...
Posted by: MotherofPossibility | December 30, 2012 at 06:53 PM
"The promises I originally made to Ronan were not broken on purpose. They were broken in conjunction with others’ actions and with people whom I placed too much trust."
This is a problem occurring all over this great land. I can tell you after 73 years of living. I do not trust the HHS/NIH/CDC/FDA/Doctors et al one iota. They say "get your flu shot" and spend one billion dollars/year promoting this poison, they KNOW to be a poison.
When "my government" tells me to do something I IMMEDIATELY start looking into it and OFTEN find it is BAD for me. This has happened too MANY times to be a "mistake" or an "accident" or a "coincidence". They are lying to me to my potential detriment. That is just the environment we are living in; our "government" is lying, often about the most important things.
Our only answer is to say NO!
Posted by: Lou | December 30, 2012 at 05:53 PM
I promise, that as tired/sick as I am, and as dejected as on some days I feel, I will keep going because my children/our family must continue as well. If they can keep going with the compromised/limited abilities they have, then I have no excuse to give up now or ever.
I make this my promise for 2013 too.
I have often thought that I wish I could make it all gone , and if not, than i wish I were all gone--so very selfish and I can never ever think this way again for as long as God sees fit for me to be here on Earth.
I must keep seeking and one day I may indeed find the answers for the true and appropriate dxs that will than point us in the hopeful true and appropriate txs that offer true healing and hopeful complete recovery.
This is my prayer for all who suffer and struggle.
thank you for reminding me that god will never forsake us.
Man created the mess we are in and man must clean it up with the tools God has gifted us with.
Posted by: Barbara Biegaj | December 30, 2012 at 05:24 PM
I ain't moving on. I am stuck at this place, idea, time, cause untill things really change.
Posted by: Benedetta | December 30, 2012 at 01:04 PM
May we all in 2013 have such resolution.
Posted by: John Stone | December 30, 2012 at 11:30 AM