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CJ I wish

By Cathy Jameson

Every few weeks I wear a t-shirt I purchased several years ago from the National Autism Association.  The front of the shirt says, “I WISH I’D KNOWN”.  The back of the shirt includes five tips:

A lot of times I wish I’d known a heck of a lot more before I vaccinated my children.  I have actually said out loud, but to myself after Ronan has a setback, “Dangit. I wish I’d known!”  How life might be so different with just an ounce of knowing just one of those tips.   

Life is different.  It is very different.  Life is difficult, and on some days it can be very, very difficult.  It can also be unpredictable even with eight years’ experience under my belt as a warrior parent.  Those years of experiences haven’t been in vain, but they sure could have been a little bit easier if I’d known then what I know now. 

Thinking about just how much I wish I’d known quite possibly could have changed life as I know it CJ 5 waysfor both Ronan and me.   Maybe now I would be a typical parent not ever stepping foot into the special needs arena.  Maybe I wouldn’t care so much about the things I care so deeply about today.  Maybe I’d have had an entirely different outlook on life altogether!  But, because life is different, and sometimes difficult, and includes many life lessons learned the hard way, I wondered instead of “I wish I’d known” what if I had a t-shirt that said “I wish I didn’t know…”because there are a few things I almost wish I didn’t know about.

I wish I didn’t know about thimerosal in vaccines. 

I wish I didn’t know about aluminum, formaldehyde and human diploid cells from aborted fetal tissue either. 

I wish I didn’t know about our over-inflated and one-size-fits-all vaccine schedule.

I wish I didn’t know about live viruses and viral shedding.

I wish I didn’t know about encephalopathy, seizures, developmental delays and autism.

I wish I didn’t know about hot lots, table injuries and vaccine court.

I wish I didn’t know about special ed, 504s and R & S.

I wish I didn’t know about acronyms like ASD, PDD, OT, SLP, PT and IEP. 

I wish I didn’t know about the dietary intervention, the biomed community and recovery.

I wish I didn’t know about Simpsonwood, the Lily Rider and the Interagency Autism Coordinating Community.

I wish I didn’t know about the Canary Party, The Thinking Moms’ Revolution and Generation Rescue. 

I wish I didn’t know about Age of Autism, VaxTruth, VacTruth, National Vaccine Information Center and SafeMinds.

I wish I didn’t know Kim, Mark and Dan or the hundreds of friends I have because of vaccines and autism.

I wish I didn’t know everything I do know because that might mean autism skipped over us, that it wasn’t ruling our home every hour of every day of every week, month and year of our lives.

I really wish I didn’t know!

If I didn’t know all of what I do know, I most definitely wouldn’t be who I am today.  Ronan wouldn’t be who he is either.  My closest friends who know how to hold me up, to cheer me on, to pick up where I physically can’t wouldn’t be a phone call, email or text away.  Our paths would never have crossed nor have needed to cross.  Our lives would never need to be filled by each other’s hopes, wishes and dreams.  Our children would never be a thought in our mind or a prayer in our heart.  It would be so, so different.  So very different.

But I do know.  I know too much, so much but then on some days, not enough. 

I know about vaccines, and autism, and special ed, and about all those acronyms.  I’ve read the history behind vaccines and that autism can be a result of vaccines.  I hear about the greed, the cover-ups and the on-going deception.  I know more now than I have ever known before.  I belong to a community because of that knowledge.   A community was formed because of some awful realizations and that greed that intruded in our children’s lives.  Formed for parents like me who also felt that stab of betrayal, this community stands out speaking up to offer help, hope and the truth.  

I jumped into this community too many years ago happy to have found it but also thinking I’d be long gone with a recovered child by now.  His needs and the damage done to his health are still so great, so I remain.  I hang onto every word shared—in the biomed community, on the special needs parenting boards, in the local support groups that we’ve made for each other.  Created for us, and by us, to survive what we wished we’d known but didn’t.  With that revelation our eyes are now opened.  So much has been revealed, and we will never be clueless again.  Seeking the truth we wished we never thought we’d ever have to find out, and making sure that what we discover is shared, this has become and likely will remain a way of life. 

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.


Mrs H

Because of parents like you who keep fighting and refuse to give in, I do know these things. And because of what I know I have not allowed my children to be subjected to Big Pharma's moneygrubbing experiments. My kids are three months and almost three years and so far completely neurotypical. Thank you for what you do, and blessings to you and your great kids!

Mom of an NT child

Please, wear your shirts and take your children out in public as often as possible. Yes, I know that it's incredibly difficult. But you have no idea of the impact it can make on the mothers of neurotypical children who may see you. And their children may point and ask questions but any awkwardness will be outweighed by the benefit, and those children may learn a thing or two. I've had conversations resulting from these elusive occasions with 3 different generations witnessing autism for the first time just this month alone. I could tell with the 84 year old that it was an ah-ha moment, but I think older, retired people stay home so much that they have no clue, and their voting power remains untapped. Want to show a senior about autism? Go to the grocery store (or pharmacy, for some bandaids or something) with your child during the middle of the day, even if it's just to run in and buy one piece of fruit. Cut through the pharmacy department on the way. Next day, go to the meat department, and cut through the pharmacy. (give the meat to a dog, though)
Got friends in the area with kids with autism? Shirt 'em up and form a grocery store rotation. Stand in line at the deli department just long enough for someone to read the shirt. Cut through the pharmacy to get there. No need to buy, just practice standing in line. Just a quick run to the grocery, right?

Carter's Daddy

I made a T shirt for Carter once, saying
I AM EVIDENCE OF HARM, you know, from David Kirby's book.
and tried to think of what educating things could go on the back, but Carter's mommy wouldn't let me take him out in it because she very insightfully thought someone might misinterpret it and send the police to our door.
I didn't think of it by myself. I saw it in a picture from a Green Our Vaccines rally in DC. It was on a sign board sported by a man, with a picture of a child and that sentence. I thought it was clever but then he was in the right setting for that.



IMO add a sixth way

6) No matter who says what about ANY "vaccine" REJECT it as too dangerous to consider for the little to NO benefit it will add to your lives.

KNOW that any "Medical Industry", HHS, CDC who recommends injecting toxins into pregnant women is NOT TO BE TRUSTED for ANY medical advice.

The "Vaccine Industry" is STRONGLY associated with autism please dissociate all you love from this toxic influence.


Nailed it - for ALL of us - whether we're on the Spectrum (like I am....) or parents or caretakers for those on the Spectrum.....



I wake up many days wishing I would have never even known about vaccines, and by not knowing, I wish I would have been in another country where they dont needlessly jab the babies born at the hospitals....

I am going to be purchasing some T-shirts really is life changing for everyone in the family....

Carter's Daddy

That list of "wish I didn't knows" you have there, NT parents have those wishes granted and they don't even know it. In a way(the same way you mean) I envy them(nevermind the envy about their kids being NT) but I also feel like they're totally in the dark and therefor vulnerable to an "attack". They have no idea the bullet they dodged(so far). They're missing something. I know all about them because I was one of them once. So in another way I don't envy them. I especially the ignorant ones who make offensive comments.

Cherry Sperlin Misra

To Mary Tormey, There is no doubt that the measles virus is creating some problems . At the same time, we have to look at the vaccine process: First, inject the child with mercury - Even at extremely low levels of mercury, his immune system will be deranged. Now, inject him with a three live viruses, one being measles, that his immune system is supposed to fight! Now, how is an impaired immune system supposed to fight and eliminate the live viruses??? This sounds like science fiction, but it is the reality of survival for a baby born in the U.S.A. and still worse in the third world, where high level mercury vaccines are used. Meanwhile the doctors have no idea about the damage to the immune system by mercury- (Remember - it was proved SAFE?!) Some of them even believe that "We dont use mercury anymore" I dont know whether to be angry at them or pity them. They too, like the parents, have been duped. Many of them have autistic kids themselves. The beauty of targeting the babies and young moms is that the babies are helpless and the young moms are trusting of the medical profession. When we try to inform people, what we are up against is arrogant, ignorant doctors; gullible young moms; helpless babies; and a disinterested populace.


Be careful Thimerosal is not the only questionable ingredient in vaccines. Wakefeild said he found "Evidence of persistent measles virus infection in Crohn's disease". Strange how "experts" target Jenny McCarthy and try to disprove her theory rather then mentioning Wakefeild's actual work.


Very inspiring. Thank you.

Angus Files

Cathy I am the same with my old t shirts ...could do with some hoodies with the same on it as it ain`t to warm in Scotland to go around with a t shirt on all the time...

Liz Birts Army

Theresa66 , you arent crazy , quite the contrary , you are one of the very few sane ones !

Dont give up the fight

Theresa 66

I have that shirt too and it sometimes brings about a
conversation which may lead to helping another child/ family to
NOT go through what my child/ family has struggled through.
We are the only ones to change this, we are the people with the bravery and knowledge to get the word out.
No matter how crazy people think I am, I will not stop telling
someone ( if asked ) about our nightmare vaccine injury and
the way it has become our life.

Eugene Nicks

Bob , really how difficult can it be to have emergency refridgeration plans in place ? Dont ask the people at Yale whatever you do anyway .

Bob Moffitt

Cathy, with all the things we both now KNOW about what happened to our children .. there are still far too many things we STILL DON'T KNOW that we should. Such as ..

The Northeast states are bracing for a storm panicked weathermen have dubbed "Frankenstorm" .. because of its size and strength .. with most states expecting there will be major power outages over a vast area hit by the storm.

With all the dire warnings about potential lost power .. what procedures are in place to guarantee the "safety" of the vast stockpile of vaccines requiring constant refrigeration in the refrigerators of .. pediatricians, doctors, hospitals, Wallmart, CVS, etc?

What public health agency is responsible for making sure these vaccine dispensing agencies "report" power outages that may have compromised the "safety" of the vaccines entrusted to their care? Are reports of power outages to public health officials "voluntary" .. if so .. why are they not MANDATED?

Just one more thing I would like to know .. that I most likely will NEVER know.

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