Fashion icon Barbie is going bald next year, in a special doll for children suffering from hair loss or who are watching a loved one go through the process. Mattel will include accessories to provide girls with a traditional fashion play experience. While certainly a welcome therapeutic playtime idea for children who may be frightened watching Mom lose her hair during chemotherapy - or who may be losing their own due to illness, I began to wonder if perhaps this wasn't the start of a trend.
With the CDC announcing a new autism rate that has skyrocketed to one in 88, Autism Barbie may be next.
She'll be accessorized with ten pairs of shoes (not for wearing, but for lining up), a fashionable, Autism Barbie Alert bracelet to prevent her from wandering away, videotapes of her talking, playing and meeting all her milestones just before a "well-baby" visit, and a lifetime supply of diapers.
Autism Barbie loves to rock - her favorite stim!
Every Autism Barbie is packaged with four Autism Kens and is also available with complete Team Barbie: Speech and Language Therapist Barbie, Occupatonal Therapist Barbie, Social Skills Therapist Barbie, ABA Therapist Barbie, Special Ed Teacher Barbie, Aid Barbie, Stupid Useless Doctor Barbie, Wonderful Biomed Doctor Barbie, Ignorant Stranger Barbie, Denialist Pharma Shill Barbie…and more!
The CDC is mandating the doll be marketed as Vaccines Don't Cause Autism Barbie.
A limited edition of 5000 Autism Barbie and Autism Ken dolls will come with their very own certificate from the Vaccine Safety Compensation Institute, rubber stamped: "No compensation for autism!"
Other autism toys from Mattel:
-Toilet that really flushes – filled with realistic one billion dollars spent on genetic research for autism.
-Child-size revolving door for pretend play – first you're a CDC director, then you're president of Merck's vaccine division! Julie Gerberding autograph model.
-Dr. Paul Offit voodoo doll complete with hypodermic needles loaded with the 10,000 vaccines he says a baby can handle.
-Seth Mnookin Twitter puppet repeats everything Dr. Offit says.
- Ari Ne'eman the High Functioning Autistic doll talks, walks and self-advocates while ignoring lower functioning Autism Barbie. Looks so real! Accessorized with neckties.
- Grinker the Stinker, Epidemic Denial doll, claims no increase based on garbage studies – includes garbage can that really reaks!
- Garrulous Gorski and his gang of bendable bloggers contort into almost any position to defend the vaccine industry.
-Pretty, poseable Geraldine Dawson, Chief Science Officer of Autism Speaks doll poses as bff to the autism community, then watch her flip-flop for Pharma! Holds her breath til you turn blue. Throw money at her to make her smile again. Pull her string and she says "Change the conversation." Comes with glitzy Manhattan office, fat paycheck and gobs `n gobs of pharma funding.
So chic! So cool! So cute! Just like autism! Come on, celebrate it!
-Brian `n Fiona – the dolls who cry "Fraudstuh!!" Both are about to be discontinued. You'll laugh at their antics and when you're done playing with them – treat as hazardous waste.
Ken R. Schaper is a toy reviewer who works in the library with the candlestick and is from Dollville, Illinois. Happy MAY DAY! MAY DAY!