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SpongeBob Squarepants Responds to the American Academy of Pediatrics


I am SpongeBob, destroyer of evil. A small barnacle known as the American Academy of Pediatrics  is holding me responsible for the impaired thinking of four-year-olds, due to the “fast pace” of my show.  AAP, don’t you have somewhere else to be stupid? My show is for mature audiences – ages six to eleven. You shouldn’t be exposing 4-year-olds to a violent flounder or to advanced vocabulary like “enigma” and “uvula.”

What the halibut is going on? You say we’re too fast-paced, but compare the average SpongeBob Squarepants episode to Roadrunner, Woody Woodpecker, Tom and Jerry, and other cartoons from decades ago. Those are not slow-paced shows.  Something else must be causing children’s brains to not be functioning properly, Mr. and Mrs. AAP.

Hmm….what has changed drastically that can “significantly impair” children’s brains?  According to my friend Plankton who went to college, the AAP says the 33 doses of 10 vaccines now given to infants and children are safe.  But how can you believe the AAP?  My fancy-pants colleagues at Nickelodeon said the AAP’s research methodology surrounding the alleged health hazards of my TV show is “questionable” and “could not possibly provide the basis for any valid findings that parents could trust."

Ouch! Maybe Nickelodeon executives should be researching vaccines and AAP executives should be directing cartoons. What?? They already are?  Sid the Science Kid is selling flu vaccines to children? Oh tartar sauce!  Educational television is worse than I thought. Hey kids!  Don’t worry about the 25 mcgs of mercury the AAP is injecting into your bloodstream. Mercury is only the second most toxic element on the planet.  Plutonium is even more toxic, and the AAP is not injecting you with plutonium. Yet.  Bahahahaha!

I think the AAP is jealous of me cause I’m a much better role model than they are.  I always dress neatly, wear a tie and I never accept bribes from pharmaceutical companies.

I don’t usually mention my competition, but CBS News said the  American Academy of Pediatrics gets major donations from pharmaceutical companies.  So who are you going to trust? The AAP  who receives major “donations”  from vaccine companies who cannot be sued if a “safe” vaccine messes up a kid’s brain, and the kid’s AAP pediatrician cannot be sued either?   Or me, SpongeBob Squarepants!

Are you going to believe the AAP who says vaccines are safe even though the effect of all of them on a kid’s brain has never ever been studied and the U.S. government has paid out $2 billion due to brain damage caused by “safe” vaccines?  Or SpongeBob Squarepants!

I rest my case. Please join me in a jellyfish jelly sandwich.

SpongeBob Squarepants is employee of the month at The Krusty Krab.


Another elaborate fraud

WTF???? We now learn that the researchers cut off the 13-minute show four minutes before it was over and then criticized the 4-year olds for not transitioning to other tasks?? I think the children showed tremendous self-control for not staging an uprising. How would the researchers feel if they were watching 30 Rock and someone turned off the show four minutes before it was over and told them to take a test?

On top of missing what happened at the end of the show, the children missed the moral of the story - the positive message that concludes EVERY SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS EPISODE - making this research even more invalid than it was, if that's even possible.

Blogger Walter Blasch further skewered the researchers: "To make sure no one misreads the study as anything but pure empirical science, they toss in “covariant assessment,” “covariate,” “posthoc analyses,” “backward digit span,” “encoding,” “cognitive depletion,” and something known as the “Tower of Hanoi,” not to be mistaken, apparently, for the Hanoi Hilton, or the Tower of Babel, which this study seems most likely to emulate."

This would make great material for a SpongeBob Squarepants episode!

Blasch also points out the obvious: "Nevertheless, the researchers — hung up on standard deviations, regression analysis, and Cronbach’s Alpha, among other empirical tests—didn’t do the most basic of all research. They didn’t ask the children what they thought about the cartoons, nor any questions leading to why the children who viewed “SpongeBob” may not have performed as well as the other two groups on tests that may or may not be of value."

Yes, it might have yielded responses like "Hey why can't we watch the rest of SpongeBob? I want to see what happened at the end! I don't like you. You're mean. I don't want to take your test."

This study by University of Virginia researchers Angeline S. Lilliard and Jennifer Peterson was designed to frustrate children and then afix the blame on a predetermined target. No surprise that their very flawed study appeared in the journal Pediatrics with its long tradition of publishing very flawed studies.

It's time for researchers such as Lilliard and Peterson to stop creating diversionary studies from the studies that truly need to be done, including a vaccinated vs. unvaccinated study using existing medical records - to find out what's really happening to our children's brains.

Walter Blasch's blog:


This is all part of the strategy to blame parents i.e mothers for the Attention deficit of children- just "it's not the vaccines stupid"
The whole study was skewed anyway. The children were shown only 9 minutes of an 11 minute show and then required to immidiately transition into answering a test which was totally unrelated. Those of us with NT preschoolers know how difficult transitions are in general. I'm cutting an passage with some comments from a blog and attaching a link because i think it's relevant.

"There are way more than two possibilities here. I read the whole study, and it seems these factors were not considered:

The kids in the SpongeBob group had to switch gears abruptly. To go from watching Caillou or drawing a picture to taking a test wouldn't be as much of a stretch. Maybe that affected their test scores.
All of the tests administered were completely unrelated to the shows watched. Maybe the SpongeBob kids would have done better on tests that tied in to the show's theme or content.
Maybe the SpongeBob kids couldn't concentrate on the "thinking test" immediately after watching because they were busy thinking about other things.
Maybe the SpongeBob kids were distracted because they really wanted to be watching more of the show, and they were annoyed that they had to suddenly stop watching and get tested. Especially since the SpongeBob episodes are actually 11 minutes long, and the kids were only allowed to watch 9 minutes of it!
The kids were randomly assigned to the experimental groups, so it seems it was not accounted for whether the kids had ever previously seen the shows they were assigned to watch. Most four-year-olds probably have seen Caillou, and maybe not SpongeBob. Maybe the fact that it was a new show versus a familiar show had more of an effect than the different paces of the shows.
One of the "executive function" tests was the of the kids' abilities to delay gratification. Why is this test even done on children? Why do we value this ability?
Either way, the only thing this study convinces me is that we shouldn't perform arbitrary tests on our children immediately after interrupting them watching a fun, exciting television show. "

I see this everywhere these days on forums- the ardents vaccinators and ped worshippers defending choices claiming their kids are "perfectly " healthy only to ask questions about speech theraphy etc a few months later when the child is 2- 21/2. The doctor than advises the mother to "talk" to the children (like any mother does not talk to her kids - way to go doctors- make the mothers feel like it is their fault for showing them tv and not "talking" to them).....I just want to scream "Its the vaccines and anti biotics stupid" but can't.
I let my children watch oodles of tv and I have 2 boys. My older sone - 3 years 2 months spoke at 9 months and had about a 100 words at 18 months.
My younger son is 16 months now and already has 50 + words.
The only thing I have done differently is no vaccines- which then resulted in no ear infections , no high fevers etc etc which then resulted in no anti biotics or calpol, which then resulted in no ped visits = normally developing children who are considered advanced just because of the poisoning of the rest of the poor babies.
My heart goes out to all those mothers....


I'm so glad A of A picked up on this - - my blood boils every time I hear/read about research like this. This type of work should be banned -- if the government funds it, we need to look at cutting all of this experiential/association fluff. It kills me that these people actually call themselves "scientists" and publish garbage like this. There is no science or biology involved at all, yet the general public eats this up like candy. It's been carried by a major media outlet, it's research, and therefore it's scientifically "proven."


My husband made this song to go along with your article :)

Captain: Are you ready kids? Kids: Aye-aye Captain. Captain: I can't hear you... Kids: Aye-Aye Captain!! Captain: Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! Captain: Absorbent and yellow, unvaccinated he is! Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! Captain: If medical nonsense be something you wish... Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! Captain: Then drop by the APA for that kind of dish! Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! Captain: Ready? EveryBody: SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! Captain: SpongeBob.... SquarePants!

I was so proud I thought I'd share!

Paul Shapiro

I looked to my children's pediatrician to diagnose my children's condition and when the doctor looked at my children he saw dollar signs.

Anne McElroy Dachel

I love you, Age of Autism! While the mainstream media pretends the American Academy of Pediatrics really cares about children and that they’re giving us cutting edge info, the truth is, they sold out to the drug industy long ago. Despite the fact that we’re now building entire schools for ASD kids, the AAP still doesn’t know if there’s really more autism or if doctors are finally noticing a disorder that’s always been around. The AAP has never called autism a crisis and they can’t tell us what causes it. They only thing they’re sure of is that their vaccine schedule isn’t to blame and they have lots and lots of pharma-funded studies to prove it.

The latest attack on SpongeBob by the AAP shows that they’re dedicated to busywork and oblivious to what’s happening in the real world.

Anne Dachel, Media


You forgot to add "the mark of the beast" in there somewhere.

2001- the wise and all knowing school pysch discussed my then 18 year old son's obssession with Dragon Ball Z, and how that fitted into the dignosis of aspergers (apparently he was PDD-NOS, and the so were the other 12 or so students in his class).

But was it really an obssession?

The psych was not sure, because young adults had changed in recent years. Even college kids still watched the Simpsons and Sponge Bob and was the main topic on campus. Main topic? Main sort craz on campus as opposed to what - some music icon, or a briefly passing movie like "Star Wars"???

I knew about the Sponge Bob craz because my then attending college daughter and all her friends seemed really to love Sponge Bob--a cartoon.

One college kid climbed up on the Hardee's roof and stoled a big effigie of a Sponge Bob. He was caught though - because it is hard to steal something that big, in such a public view. He was a college kid, smart enough to attend college, but not criminally minded enough to know he was going to get caught.


Apparently, the pharmmedia can read, but they don't seem to be able to get it wright about "Sponge" Bob.

Two years ago...


Just in case you are actually dumb enough to believe the two-fisted NPO creeps over at International Vaccine Rescue, Allison Singer dutifully resigned from Autism Speaks. There is not any sort of rift or disagreement between her and Autism Speaks owner Bob Wright.

While the same old tired group of pro-vaccine chain-jerks making a career out of the Autism NPO racket might attempt to spin this one way, be very clear in your thinking,




NPO wharf rat patsies like Allison Singer usually do the falling on their sword thingy when the big boys need to keep their fingerprints off a touchy matter. In this case, Autism Speaks needed to eliminate the probability that the totally bogus IACC just might get around to determining that systematic neuro-toxic substance abuse like systematic ethylmercury injections beginning at childbirth might be responsible for a neurological malady epidemic like the American Autism one.

Listen up! Bob Wright, the laureate vice chairman of GE/NBC, was involved in the Autism issue a considerable length of time before his own grandchild was diagnosed. GE Healthcare is involved in about 80% of the world's vaccine market activity.

If you look at International Vaccine Rescue groupies they maintain a pro-vaccine posture mainly because they truly are brain-washed into thinking that the stupid vaccines actually work.

The world is full of self-promoting sleeze-bags, but why are they all supporting not conducting Thimerosal and vaccine research relating to the American Autism Epidemic?

This year....


In VBS we also learned Herod the Great asked visiting wise men of the east, who came to town after they saw the star of Jesus Christ, at what time it first appeared? Based upon their answer, Herod ordered the genocidal destruction of Every Child By Two, not just the boys, either. All children were annihilated.

Does all this mean that "Sponge" Bob Wright, the corporatistic anti-litigationist expert of General Electric fame is possessed by the same butchering devil this old world has seen time and time again?

Possibly. Autism Speaks and their partnerships within certain circles of so called Autism advocacy groups, who have brown-nosed their way into big dollar hush money, have a lot in common. They could not possibly care less about our children and will do anything to protect the vaccine manufacturing drug companies producing Thimerosal-containing vaccines then flooding them into American babies using fear tactics.

He is certainly a major figure in the combination resisting human decency and money-laundering CDC funds to the likes of Dr. Poul Thorsen in exchange for the most favorable research results money can buy. Wright certainly is un-American enough to be recognized as the ring-leader in fighting against the civil and human rights of vaccine-injured children.

So it's fairly obvious that he might secretly throw himself into camp-fires and foam at the mouth rendering enchanting praise to Baal, the false Philistine sham-god.

Now that Autism Speaks has been busted for attempted genocide will the entire legion of Autism NPO piggies just run off a cliff and drown themselves sparing the rest of us pain and suffering?

As we all grow into adults we apparently understand that some kids endured the boon of faith in order to look forward to snack breaks usually consisting of value pak cookies and Kool-aid!

Hypocrisy is the name of the game. The Autism Speaks combination of creeps attacking the Geier's - condemning them for so called chemically castrating kids by using a hormone-lowering drug on some is the same combination of genocidal creeps heralding the triumph of a new option which, by the design at the out-set, will be used to murder unborn children.


Who wrote this article?? So cute and so true! Great moving pic, too.


Maybe SB is causing impaired thinking cause he's full of mercury from the ocean just like our kids are full of mercury from vaccines.


My kids are only allowed to watch sesame street and word world. No spongebob for them. Guess my aspies aren't really aspies?

Maurine Meleck

Not to be a party pooper or anything--Joshua's SB addiction came after he received the ASD diagnosis. So what does this say?

Go count your money and leave us alone

The moronic AAP strikes again:


Kfuller Yuba City

Oh Sponge Bob, What did you do?? Did you refuse to sell out to Big Pharma and sell this years chemical concoction to fight the flu? If you aren't careful they will come up with a vaccine for the epidemic of "The Sud's". And they won't let you have it.


Preach on, Mr. Pants!

I think the "study" is rediculous!!! If you put any kid in a stimulating environment, it would hinder their ability to perform immediatly afterwards. Duh! Stick a kid on a roller coaster then ask him to problem solve as soon as the ride is over and see how he does. I guess roller coasters are bad for kids too?


I think I read in Experimental Epilepsy that when they use the alumina gel to induce epilepsy in lab animals, they also do photic stimulation to get them to have seizures. b


I have a 5 year-old granddaughter who is a Huge SB fan. She's intentionally UNVACCINATED and tests in the highest category for scholastic aptitude...not to mention, NO CHRONIC ILLNESS.
How dare they blame the little Sponge for such things. (apparently,they're really getting desperate.)

Shawn Siegel

Hear, hear, S.B.!

Theresa O

Excellent article, SpongeBob!

What bothers me most is the way this study was conducted.

Here's what happened: "Kids who watched just nine minutes of the fast-paced children's cartoon 'SpongeBob SquarePants' did worse afterward at tasks requiring focus and self-control than did kids who watched a slow-paced cartoon and kids who entertained themselves by coloring." (http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2011/0912/SpongeBob-study-Do-fast-paced-cartoons-impair-kids-thinking)

Now, I'm sure someone wants us to think that SpongeBob is responsible for the epidemic of learning disabilities (1 in 6) in the population of American children, but in order to show that type of linkage, the study should have followed children who watched a lot of high-frame-rate television and monitored whether they were more likely to be diagnosed with a learning disability than children who did not. That's not what happened. No one seems interested in finding that out!

Sure, watching a lot of high-frame-rate TV is probably not good for a kid. My mom didn't want us watching a lot of TV, either! but to pretend that it's the explanation for what's going wrong with our kids today is ludicrous.

It angers me that no doctor or researcher is interested in true root cause analysis.

You read an article like the one from *Parenting* (http://www.parenting.com/article/are-we-overmedicating-our-kids?page=0,1&cid=searchresult) called "Are We Overmedicating Our Kids?" and all you get is the take-away that it's a tough call, but yes, toddlers can be bipolar / depressed / you-name-it, and medication is the answer. No exploration of alternatives (food elimination diet, Feingold diet, nutritional supplements, light therapy, pet therapy, etc.), and worst of all, no root cause analysis. We're told that 17% of all pediatric drug spending occurs on psych meds, but no one asks why kids today are so different from kids when we were kids. Then a convenient article blaming SpongeBob pops up in the news, and we're supposed to accept it, drug our kids, and move on.

Oh, and it's probably also genetics, except maybe not: "Oldest Siblings Hit Hardest by Allergies" (http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/AAAAI/25453?utm_source=WC&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Meeting_Roundup_AAAAI). We learn that "Firstborn children may be at greater risk of food allergies and hay fever than subsequent siblings," but no one says, "This debunks the genetics myth." We're just supposed to accept it, ignore the obvious question and the implications for all the genetics hype, and move on.

Does it strike anyone other than a mom that this is f'd up? Isn't there some researcher who cares? Forget the sacred cow of vaccines for a moment; isn't there anyone who wants to measure the toxin load in women pregnant for the first time and compare it with subsequent pregnancies, or do a case-control study on the effects of HFCS on behavior? Doesn't anyone want to do anything other than write fluffy articles on Spongebob and write 'scrips for psych meds?

Grr. Sorry for the rant. I am just a little fed up today.


As SpongeBob would say, "My lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation".

Robert Schecter

@Mr. Pants

Excellent piece. I've been a fan of yours for many years and feel these attacks on you are unwarranted and without merit. I'd be more worried about the developmental effects of countless vaccines on a developing immune system. And I'm sure the impact of those multiple vaccinations would, like you, be investigated were it not for the fact that the government and medical profession - the entities that would undertake such an investigation - are in the vaccine business. Too bad for you Mr. Pants that the government isn't in the "talking sponge as cultural icon" business.

Louise Kuo Habakus

Patrick may say "Duh, SpongeBob" but I say, "Brilliant."

Thank you, SB Squarepants.

kathy blanco

Maybe those kids were drinking apple juice from China while watching the show...now theirs the fatal combo! HA!~ Or, maybe it's because our kids are exposed to overvaccination, fluoride (did you see the reports on double digit drops in ACT scores?) and fully laiden MSG/Aspartame in their crackers and packaged lunchables? Nitrates anyone? PCB's and Dioxins anyone? Just an illustration of the wide gammit of immune/neurological capital destroying combos our kids suffer from before, during and after they are vaccinated like a pin cushions. Oh, let's not forget the almighty fever reducer tylenol which reduces all chances of detox and immune stabilizing glutathione which is recommended by AAP. Like Ron Paul has stated, we need to get rid of these so called "caring regulatory agencies" and let the people decide and find out what is best for their themselves and their children! Thanks for all the recommendations AAP...it has produced two children with autism in my family...gee thanks...Guess who I listen to now? My inner mommy voice...which I should have listened to when my spirit inside me said before they jabbed my INNOCENT children...take your baby now and RUN! Now I always put it past that mommy voice inside of me. It hasn't let me down yet, it even foiled the belief system of many a higher upper eschalon specialist and physician know it all.

You have let me down once again AAP, with your pseudo concern for my children and others. You have AAP...you have so many times. Take your little pharmaceutical wares and whores and ideas somewhere else while we try to get back our children that YOU damaged! Delight in the thought that once again you have wasted parents time, and lend credence to ideas that are ridiculous, speculative, unscientific and endangerous. These very agencies don't deserve a DIME from our federal government, not one red penny.


It's just a good thing Mr. Krabs isn't in charge. I have a feeling he'd sell out to Pharma in a heartbeat!

SB fan

If not for you SB Squarepants and your job at the Krusty Krab, my daughter would never have been able to understand the concept of working in order to earn money to live and buy things at the grocery store and pay for our home. She would still be having meltdowns when daddy leaves for work and chasing him down the street even though he was already long gone and his car no where in sight.
So thank you SB and Mr Krabs (who loves MONEY) you probably saved a life and didn't even know it. One thing for sure is you saved someone's sanity by enabling us to scratch one more meltdown tantrum WWIII situation off our list and for that, we are forever thankful and in your debt.
And to the AAP, I can only say it's good to see you expanding your horizons from advocating for the injury and death of kids, maybe if you focus on cartoons and other areas, some kids will be saved from a lifetime of trying to recover their "health" from your recommendations that cause only injury and death.

Maurine Meleck

Maurine meleck is fresh back from a classmate reunion In Minneapolis. I agree with Alison since Sponge Bob has been joshua's favorite program for years. I think we have every Sponge Bob DVD ever issued. The problem is that if i take away dangerous SB--I will miss all the laughter it draws from Josh. Favorite show-when Gary runs away to grandma's house. Ba, ba , ba, ba ,ba ,ba , boo.


Priceless! LOL!


The AAP is full of tartar sauce.

Mermaid Man

I'll believe you, SBSP, any day of the week rather than AAP! You are honest and speak the truth. AAP is neither. Plus all those drugs they promote for their buddies at Pharma are poisoning our waters. Those guys are BAD! Yay for SB!


Thank you Sponge Bob.

I wonder if that " small barnacle known as the American Academy of Pediatrics " knows that that although the U.S. outspends every other industrialized nation on its health care, it is dead last in life expectancy compared to its peers ? I wonder if it also knows that although the U.S. is the most vaccinated country in the world, a recent recent study revealed that countries who give the most vaccines have the worst infant death rates... and that the U.S. is leading the pack.

They definitely should know these things, but hey... maybe they're been dumbded down by the time they spent evaluating Sponge Bob.

Not an MD

Kim, are you dressing up as SpongeBob for Halloween early this year? I think that's your sense of wit and humor I detect in this article. Thank you for the best laugh I have had in days. If only what "SpongeBob" wrote weren't true.

Alison MacNeil

Where's Maurine Meleck? Look it wasn't the highways afterall...it was Sponge Bob!

Diane W Farr

Sponge Bob for President! Really clever S.B. Squarepants.

Missy Olive


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