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I Am The Warrior

By Cathy Jameson

One of my all-time favorite singles is called “The Warrior.” It’s from my favorite decade, the 1980s.  I even have the 45, bought too many years ago to remember.  I know exactly where to find that old record in the midst of the controlled chaos in my house. When I hear the song on the radio, I crank the volume and sing every word.  Until tonight though, I made no connection to the song I have loved for so long to the affectionate title Jenny McCarthy used when she publicly began to support families of children with vaccine-induced autism. 

Now, I’m reading the lyrics as a mother, a Warrior Mother.  I have a child with a slew of medical problems and behavior issues that come and go because of his communication delays.  I realize that while the passion of the song is most likely for a man and woman, I can easily spin it into the passion of raising Ronan and the incredible emotions it has taken to walk this journey with him.  This journey has had no steady drum beat, but I still push forward.  I can instantly recognize the beat of my favorite song as it begins and break out into song:

You run, run, run away
It's your heart that you betray
Feeding on your hungry eyes
I bet you're not so civilized

When Ronan got sick, he ran from us mentally.  He has behaved in so many inappropriate and less than civilized ways.  He has succumbed to more medical mishaps and nightmares that should never have been. I feel so betrayed by the medical community and those groups who support it.  Worse is the feeling I have about those groups put in charge of regulating children’s medicine but blatantly do everything but look out for the children. 

On the really tough days, I look into the eyes of my son and see a stranger.  He started to slip away when I trusted those groups and their products.  Ronan’s suffers far worse than I on one of his horribly bad days.  Ronan’s eyes become so angry. You can see him begging for help through those eyes, but the voice he physically lacks causes him to again turn and run away.  His frustration is faster my help can be.

Well, isn't love primitive?
A wild gift that you wanna give
Break out of captivity
And follow me stereo jungle child
Love is the kill

Your heart's still wild

Oh, what I would do to see Ronan break out of this funk he’s been in since that last needless immunization!  He would be so free.  He could follow his own beat instead of being told what to do, how to do and why to do it.  I can imagine this jungle child with hair all rumpled, with primitive eating and self-help skills be transformed into a brighter, happier and more abled human being. 

Sing at the walls of heartache

Bang, bang!

I am the warrior

And, heart to heart to win

If you survive the warrior, the warrior

You talk, talk, you talk to me
Your eyes touch me physically
Stay with me, we'll take the night
As passion takes another bite, oh…

When Ronan first got sick, so many friends made a comment about how dim Ronan’s eyes looked. His eye gaze had changed from being bright and full of wonder to stale and with no focus.  The good days are many, but they are scattered amidst many frustrating trials on both Ronan’s part and mine.  I’m left to figure out how to maintain his fragile health and slow progress.  I peer into those eyes looking for signs of life, but Ronan doesn’t like to be the puzzle piece.

I can rank how good a day is or isn’t with just a quick glance to Ronan’s face. It’s almost as if I can look into his soul and feel how full of energy he has or how much pain he’s in.  I am thankful for the gauge because I can make Ronan’s day better.  It certainly isn’t easy, but I have a chance to do something helpful. 

Who's the hunter, who's the game?
I feel the beat call your name
I hold you close in victory
I don't wanna tame your animal style
You won't be caged in the call of the wild

I’m on a mission. No day is complete without reading as much as I can about vaccines, autism, viruses, toxins, mitochondrial disease, language disorders or a new therapy that may offer a small chance at progress.  No one else can devote as much determination as I, his Warrior Mother, can.

Sing at the walls of heartache

Bang, bang!

I am the warrior

And, heart to heart to win

If you survive the warrior, the warrior, the warrior

I am the warrior

I’m not always strong though.  I see Ronan and can quickly fall to my knees mentally. His body is holding him back.  His mental fog traps his success.  His life is my calling now.  Back in the 80s when this song was on the radio, I was a very competitive runner who broke records.  I would mentally run the race before I set my feet on the course.  I would visualize the laps around the track or the hills through the countryside. I would envision the last lap, the final meters, the finish line and the stopwatch in my coach’s hand ready to click my fastest time ever.  I’ve imagined similar strategies to conquer the road I’m traveling with Ronan. It’s a race to his recovery, but this one has come with many, many pitfalls. While I want to sprint to the end, to see the damage erased from Ronan’s systems, I have had to settle into a slow and steady approach.  Slow and steady wins this race?  I’m hoping and praying I have the right map and a team of helpful providers as well as cheerleaders to get us to the end. 

Shootin' at the walls of heartache

(Shootin' at the walls of heartache), the warrior

I am the warrior!

And, heart to heart to win, heart to heart to win!

If you survive

The warrior, the warrior

Shootin’ at the walls of heartache

Bang, bang!

I am the warrior

Yes, I am the warrior victory is mine!

Shooting at the walls of heartache..the warrior

I am the warrior!

Bang, bang!

I am the warrior!

If I survive.

As I survive.

As Ronan survives. 

In my heart, he is my heart.

He is my warrior. 

And, I am his.

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.


Media Scholar


Actually, they're horrible quotes.

Why can't we expose them for what they are?
1. Fear - Parents with children snake-bitten by vaccines are afraid to take the risks involved in confronting the truth that regardless of the just cause they are out-gunned.

2. Failure - Parents have been under-mined by those who have chartered themselves to operate as appeasers. Those willing to accommodate the enemy in hopes he will somehow change his evil ways, have failed.

3. Faceless - Long ago, a gal with a lot of experience in dealing with this issue said the thing to do was to insist on putting the right face on this issue. Through selfish, self-promoting behavior of parents a sympathetic public is ignorant of the true victims, our children.

4. Naivety - Former pro football WR Cris Collinsworth told a story of a union strike. He and other pros picketed training camp. As security guards pushed them aside to allow the bus carrying the scabs to leave the strikers bolted after them. About half-way across the parking lot he started to think to himself, "what are we gonna do about if we catch 'em?"

5. Attrition - THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated. Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to TAX) but "to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER" and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is impious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.


Great quotes MediaScholar. It seems to me that the same handful of names are popping up all the time: Mary McCormick, Kathleen Stratton, Julie Gerberding, Paul Offit, Poul Thorssen,... I have a feeling that in the end we will learn that these handful of people were able to massage the research and steer public policy for so long with the majority silently standing by.
Why can't we expose them for what they are?

Media Scholar

Well, since we are at it.

There's a message hidden in this track by Sinead O'Conner


Everyone can see what's going on
They laugh `cause they know they're untouchable
Not because what I said was wrong
Whatever it may bring
I will live by my own policies
I will sleep with a clear conscience
I will sleep in peace

Maybe it sounds mean
But I really don't think so
You asked for the truth and I told you
Through their own words
They will be exposed
They've got a severe case of
The emperor's new clothes
The emperor's new clothes
The emperor's new clothes

Through their own words:

We are not ever going to come down that [autism] is a true side effect. - Marie McCormick M.D.

Through their own words:

The point of no return, the line we will not cross in public policy is pull the vaccine, change the schedule. We could say it is time to revisit this, but we would never recommend that level. Even recommending research is recommendations for policy. We wouldn't say compensate, we wouldn't say pull the vaccine, we wouldn't say stop the program. - Kathleen Stratton M.D.

Through their own words:

Dr. Johnston: Barbara Loe Fisher [NVIC] could give you names. Mrs. Fisher said she had cases. I think she came up to say if you needed any cases to demonstrate the points, you could have them.

Dr. McCormick: She was demonstrating causality. She was taken by your case series that you did-the Guillaume Barre (sic) and whatever, the tetanus. She was all ready to get you cases to prove causality.

Dr. Wilson: Well, let's see them.

Dr. McCormick: Let's not do that. Do you have a free weekend that you want to plod through them?

- IOM Committee Meeting, 1/12/2001 Closed-Door Meeting Transcript, pp. 149 & 150

Through their own words:

So it's not a policy recommendation that would lead to measles going up, but the true, 'on the street' worry about this. And is there a benefit to putting to rest no matter what. - Kathleen Stratton M.D.


Proud to be a warrior alongside of you as well. So proud....


Love you my dear, well spoken friend. xox

Angus Files

Nice article I always think of the lies we have all been fed by Pharma et-al INC.. with the video below from the Rollins Band..not nice but either are the lies we all believed at one time ..



This may be somewhat unusual, but *after* reading Cathy's article and evaluating the things she said and what might also be apropos an old fav came to mind.


As a tie in for the princess?


Bob Moffitt

When it comes to autism's "Warrior Moms" .. I always think Billy Joel's "We didn't start the fire" applies:


Cat Jameson

I treasure your comments, bensmyson. I've often felt that writing is a cleansing of sorts for my soul-I can get out some of the heartache and frustration in order to leave space for the hope and love Ronan needs. Your comments help fill my soul back up. They always have. Thank you.


Seems your long distance running has trained you well. What is it the Bible says about this being a race of endurance?

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
Hebrews 12:1

Surely this has prepared you and given you the skill to run the race.

But it is your focus, your eye Cat that gets you across the finish line, your warrior spirit, trained, strong and seasoned.

"That is the way I run, with a clear goal in mind. That is the way I fight, not like someone shadow boxing."
1 Corinthians 9:26

I enjoy watching you run mighty warrior.

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