Last Place NFL Team to Host "Autism Isn't Treatable" Night To Boost Ticket Sales
Dear Cleveland Frowns football fan, in light of the incredible success of the recent articles debunking all treatments for autism and declaring the autism vaccine connection dead, buried and verboten for future discussion in Lired Magazine and The Chicago Fibune Newspaper, we've decided to host, "Autism Isn't Treatable!" night at Frowns Stadium.
Our crack marketing department was contacted by PR maven Callous N. Humdinger who informed us that flogging families of severely ill children and promoting the AAP vaccination schedule and pharmaceutical profitability has brought pennies, nickels and even (dare we hope!) dimes to both the shrinking magazine and newspaper industries.
Come! Get your syringe shaped pen! Children under 98 will also receive an H1H1 shot along with a RotaTeddy Bear, that squirts real diarrhea when you squish its tummy!
Buy your tickets now and remember, Autism Isn't Treatable!
(PS) No offense to Cleveland intended. Their football team just had a name that gave me a good rhyme. Although, Cleveland is the home of Max Wiznitzer from University Hospitals, the doctor who tells us of "spontaneous recovery" and then acts as an expert wtiness for vaccine companies in our kids vaccine court. KS
In a special promotion sponsered by Sanofi the "End Zone" will be called the "Fluzone" that week in honor of the fluzone vaccine.
Posted by: Jack | November 24, 2009 at 03:23 PM
Risper-dolls!! That is funny!
It can do all these things:
nipple discharge; seizures; severe dizziness; stiff or rigid muscles; suicidal thoughts!!
It's a hoot!
Posted by: Casey Ohlsson | November 24, 2009 at 02:41 PM
My husband is a Clevelander. Two of my three girls were born in Cleveland. And we see Dr. Natowicz at the Clinic. It just so happened to gel that I had the rhyme, the last place team AND that killer toilet photo. Sorry Cleveland! I still love you!
Posted by: Stagmom | November 24, 2009 at 02:14 PM
Haha!! Funny stuff. Our trust and our children might have been stolen, but not our humor!
Posted by: Nicole | November 24, 2009 at 01:44 PM
For a second, I thought you were serious and this was a fundraiser for the ASF evil, evil, evilness.
Now, don't malign the entire town of Cleveland. It is the home of the Cleveland Clinic. They rock! I wish I lived in Cleveland.
PLoS One. 2008;3(11):e3815. Epub 2008 Nov 26.
Mitochondrial disease in autism spectrum disorder patients: a cohort analysis.
Weissman JR, Kelley RI, Bauman ML, Cohen BH, Murray KF, Mitchell RL, Kern RL, Natowicz MR.
Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine, Cleveland Clinic, Cleveland, Ohio, United States of America.
BACKGROUND: Previous reports indicate an association between autism spectrum disorders (ASD) and disorders of mitochondrial oxidative phosphorylation. One study suggested that children with both diagnoses are clinically indistinguishable from children with idiopathic autism. There are, however, no detailed analyses of the clinical and laboratory findings in a large cohort of these children. Therefore, we undertook a comprehensive review of patients with ASD and a mitochondrial disorder. METHODOLOGY/PRINCIPAL FINDINGS: We reviewed medical records of 25 patients with a primary diagnosis of ASD by DSM-IV-TR criteria, later determined to have enzyme- or mutation-defined mitochondrial electron transport chain (ETC) dysfunction. Twenty-four of 25 patients had one or more major clinical abnormalities uncommon in idiopathic autism. Twenty-one patients had histories of significant non-neurological medical problems. Nineteen patients exhibited constitutional symptoms, especially excessive fatigability. Fifteen patients had abnormal neurological findings. Unusual developmental phenotypes included marked delay in early gross motor milestones (32%) and unusual patterns of regression (40%). Levels of blood lactate, plasma alanine, and serum ALT and/or AST were increased at least once in 76%, 36%, and 52% of patients, respectively. The most common ETC disorders were deficiencies of complex I (64%) and complex III (20%). Two patients had rare mtDNA mutations of likely pathogenicity. CONCLUSIONS/SIGNIFICANCE: Although all patients' initial diagnosis was idiopathic autism, careful clinical and biochemical assessment identified clinical findings that differentiated them from children with idiopathic autism. These and prior data suggest a disturbance of mitochondrial energy production as an underlying pathophysiological mechanism in a subset of individuals with autism.
Posted by: Henderson | November 24, 2009 at 01:12 PM
Love it, Kim. Thank you for saving everyone's blood pressure by giving vent to all the built-up aggro from exposure to last week's trail of garbage journalism. Were they giving away Risper-dolls as well?
Posted by: Gatogorra | November 24, 2009 at 10:01 AM
HAHAH! Too funny. I want the RotaTeddy!
Wait, I don't need one, I have my son... I can just squeeze him!
Posted by: Casey Ohlsson | November 24, 2009 at 09:03 AM
Thanks! I spit coffee out of my nose!
"...a RotaTeddy Bear, that squirts real diarrhea when you squish its tummy!"
Posted by: bensmyson | November 24, 2009 at 08:41 AM