Barbara Fischkin "The Autism Holiday Gift Conundrum"
Click HERE to read and comment on Barbara Fischkin's blog at Spectrum Publications. You can listen to Barbara on Autism One Radio as "Maverick Mama" too! Here's a sample:
It may be the kindest question any relative or friend has ever asked me about my son Dan.
"What kind of present could I get him?"
As in: What would he like?
My answer is usually quite articulate: Along the lines of "ummm?"
Think about it. As autism parents we go nuts when the rest of the world stares at our kids, or worse, dismisses them. Or when they act as if it's our fault. But when people ask something nice, we freeze. And sometimes when we freeze, instead of thinking about what is being offered, we remember the worst.
Anyone with a "transportation buff" in the family might care to look at the website of Ian Allan Publishing at www.ianallanpublishing.com. This is a U.K. specialist publisher for all manners of transportation. I don't know if they have an agent in the USA/Canada but they do ship overseas. Good luck and happy browsing, ElizaCassandra. N.B. I have no connection with this company, commercial or otherwise.
Posted by: ElizaCassandra | December 14, 2008 at 05:00 AM
My little guy is a high-functioning six-year-old. He saw a bunch of these (link below) in my coworker's cubicle, so he asked Santa for "corporate zombies." (Poor Santa.) And corporate zombies" are what he is getting. A whole mini-office of cubicle people, complete with a set of green zombie office workers. I am very lucky that his ABA tutors have been able to teach him to play pretend. Thank God for early intervention.
http://www.mcphee.com/categories/cubes.html
I found some pretty cool stocking stuffers for my geeky normie folks, too, including a statue of St. Clare, the patron saint of TV, for my husband.
Posted by: Sue M | December 12, 2008 at 12:15 PM
Holiday gifting made easy!!!!!!
I found a site that everyone may want to checkout -- it is
Got-Autism.com
(You need to be sure to spell it correctly - the dash and all)
It is a site that offers Autism specific developmental toys and everyday products. I have purchase some stuff from it...
You can sort it by category (calming products, etc.)... it is really easy and has so many things that I have never seen before...
Hope it helps...
Have a great holiday!!!!!
Posted by: Kara V. | December 11, 2008 at 09:35 PM
Hi again "across the pond" - yeah that's a bit of a trip for sure. Thanks for the add'l links.
You also mentioned a digital camera. My son was invited to a Shriners' Christmas party yesterday (this is an awesome group - they do lots of good stuff for kids) - Santa gave him a cool present - a spiderman digital camera.
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5706795
It was his educational assistant that suggested this gift for him. He is glued to it - pointing it at everything - looking at the dogs, the tv, his computer, mom and dad - took it to bed with him last night - he loves it. Just seconding your suggestion about this - a great idea....
Posted by: Randy | December 11, 2008 at 04:34 PM
Great post Barbara,
I loved your post. I think that it really hit a chord with a lot of readers.
I wanted to drop you a comment because I am trying to raise money for the Autism Action Partnership this Christmas and I thought that you could help. We are selling a Velvet Suit Santa Figurine and a sterling silver Four-Heart Pendant. They really are beautiful pieces and each sale benefits the Autism Action Partnership. I was thinking that you might know some moms who would be interested in these gifts/contributions. You can buy the gifts online at
Pendant: http://shop.borsheims.com/Borsheims/ProductDetail.aspx?ProductID=4SVRD0307
Santa:
http://shop.borsheims.com/Borsheims/ProductDetail.aspx?ProductID=6XZZZ0756
Merry Christmas and keep up the good posts,
Will
Posted by: Will Flavell | December 11, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Straws!! My daughter's absolute favorite toy right now! She's 13 and just doesn't seem to like anything except straws and balloons. So that settles it: My beautiful baby gets a great big box of straws, balloons, ribbon, feathers and twine. This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
*slight note of sarcasm, but true all the same
Posted by: tracym | December 11, 2008 at 09:46 AM
Love your article as usual. Yes it sometimes makes me sad to buy my 31 yr old son tot type toys for Christmas but it is not about what makes me feel good- its about making him happy and if a bag of straws and some weird battery powered light up thing that spins makes him happy for awhile then I am happy. Just like any kid, he is disgusted when he opens a present and finds clothes- he is just more honest about it-that gift gets thrown across theroom as soon as he rips off enough paper to see what it is. I fondly remember the Christmas he was about 3 and had the best time in the world when his grandma let him rip the JC Penney Cristmas catalog to shreds all over her living room. God Bless the grandmas!!
Posted by: sue cranmer (sparkil2) | December 11, 2008 at 07:51 AM
Dear Randy, Having thought a little further ..... I think you'd want to check it out yourself first (it's five hours across the Atlantic, oops!) but have a look at the websites of the National Tramway Museum, Crich, Derbyshire, U.K. on www.tramway.co.uk and also the London Transport Museum website. Best Wishes, ElizaCassandra.
Posted by: ElizaCassandra | December 11, 2008 at 05:29 AM
Cathy:
Lots of "subway stuff" out there...just finished a week of internet shopping for Chicago subway stuff...here's some Boston...I like our kids to get what they want!
www.target.com/Boston-Popout-Map-Greater-Downtown/dp/1841394017
stores.channeladvisor.com/trainz/Trains-O%20Modern/Transit%20and%20Subway/
Carrick, Carol. LEFT BEHIND.
Christopher is excited when his class gets to ride Boston's subway to the aquarium until he is separated from his class and finds himself left behind.
books.google.com/books?id=TIGYXdabjp4C&pg=PA77&lpg=PA77&dq=boston+subway+system+toy&source=web&ots=6XeulVp2yr&sig=o8zzX8smT7twiF9FCNPX4IZz8-8&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=10&ct=result#PPA77,M1
cgi.ebay.com/35-NEWER-COLOR-SLIDES-TRAINS-SUBWAY-BOSTON_W0QQitemZ120347187761QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item120347187761&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=66%3A2%7C65%3A1%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318
www.ioffer.com/i/38579201
www.ioffer.com/i/Underground-David-Macaulay-What-is-Under-the-Street--76527046
Posted by: Barbie Hines | December 11, 2008 at 03:34 AM
From "across the pond":- My daughter is now on her third(?) digital camera. It's been one of, if not, the best present she's ever had. She's taken t-h-o-u-s-a-n-d-s of photos. Recently I stood on the corner of a large city bus station in England while my ASD daughter snapped the destination board of every bus that passed. If you could have seen the looks from the bus drivers .....
She's also mad keen on dogs (we can't have one - asthma in the family) and has pestered every dog owner where we live to find out the breed of dog and to take its photo.
If it's possible for you to buy a digital camera then go for one with a sturdy metal(?) body because our daughter's first camera broke when she dropped it on a hard surface.
Posted by: ElizaCassandra | December 10, 2008 at 05:34 PM
well said! I love reading articles like this that seem as if they were written for me...
My 4 year old always gets oodles & oodles of toys- but he won't play with any of them (unless I make him) unless they are Thomas trains and the car toys from the Disney movie Cars....no cheap knockoffs either- he knows!
I was with a "well-meaning" friend yesterday browsing the toy aisles looking for ideas for both my boys and I found some new matchbox sized Cars that I was surprised he didn't have. My friend scoffed and said how was I suppose to get Brian to have new interests if I keep getting him the same thing. I just plainly said that his 30 hours a week of therapy, countless hours spent making GFCF food he'll eat, countless amount of money on supplements- those all go towards him making progress. Christmas is Christmas. I get my older son what he wants for Christmas- what's going to make him smile- and I'm sure as heck gonna do the same for my youngest- even if I regret it two days later when he is screaming his head off because he can't find his new Doc Hudson.
Posted by: Heather | December 10, 2008 at 05:30 PM
Hi "across the pond" - you kinda beat me to the punch with the TTC web link - thanks for posting that - Cathy that pretty much is his launching point - he usually starts there and ends up surfing thru a hundred U-tube videos and google maps (I find him navigating the streets we walked down to get from the doctor's office to the car, etc.).
This kid is a human GPS too - the last trip we took (Michigan State University) - 2nd time there - he knew the routes - got home and he found the directions on line, and "drove" the streets from our hotel and all around the parts of the campus where we visited. I'm amazed at how many videos there are out there of everyday things like subway runs, elevators, etc. and he seems to find these all as well.
What a great idea you guys have about getting these transit authorities on board. Meanwhile I did find this on line (subway buttons) which I'm looking at now to see if I can get in time for the holiday
http://spacing.ca/buttons.htm
I think these are pretty cool - yeah stimmy too but like Barbara said, it's Christmas - let him have a ball, or a helix, or a button.
Another idea - when we do travel we keep one of the plastic room key cards as a souvenir - he loves these too (too bad they remind me of all those hotel bills :-)
Thanks all
Posted by: Randy | December 10, 2008 at 04:38 PM
From "across the pond":- I forgot to mention that my late teens ASD daughter loves collecting timetables for airlines, train companies, bus companies, trams, ferries, etc. Would your son be at the stage when your friends who travel could bring these back for him?
Posted by: ElizaCassandra | December 10, 2008 at 02:48 PM
From "across the pond":- The official website of The Toronto Transit Commission is on http://www3.ttc.ca/ and it has a "Complaints, Compliments and Suggestions" number at 416-393-3030 (sorry I don't know the preceding dialling code), open weekdays from 8 a.m. - 5p.m. closed holidays. It's a bit of a long shot but if the TTC had technical apprentices then just maybe they'd take on the challenge of producing a model for your son. I don't think it could be done in time for Christmas but maybe his next birthday? It would be marvellous PR for the TTC and would surely merit a positive article in at least one of Toronto's newspapers? Would the technical apprentices at MBTA also be willing to take on this challenge? Just a thought. Good luck.
Posted by: ElizaCassandra | December 10, 2008 at 02:26 PM
My son Ethan has an enternal GPS, he knows where everything is, where we have ever gone, directions to places we havent gone to yet *not sure how he figured those things out, I am fairly certain he can read very well at this point, but sure pretends like he cant...and I always thought I had a really good sense of direction, until Ethan's ability trumped mine! I seriously refer to him sometimes when I am not sure where something is, and low and behold, he is always 100% right..even the times I could have SWORN he was wrong, he ends up right..at 5 years old....amazing still amazes me...I think Alex is the same way, but being non-verbal its tough to tell how much he does remember, however, he will scream bloody murder in the car if we make a wrong turn, or any sort of detour and has to know where we are going before getting in the car...one unscheduled stop or detour throws him for a loop, which is why I think he also has the GPS ability/memory....all of our kids are SO SMART it kills me! Who cares if they still might have a poopy accident or not be able to tie their shoes, those things are meaningless in life if you cant find your way somewhere :) at least that is how I feel :)
Thanks for the article, as always you make me think of the things I already *know* deep down but havent yet approached the surface...and this is a GREAT article that I am going to pass onto family/friends, tohelp them see our side of things...as I have done with many other of your (and AOA) articles in the past...
Each year we end up with SO many toys, just like others have posted, ended up getting donated/passed on even sold at a garage sale, and its pretty sad when people DONT listen to our suggestions, like Ethan loves hot wheels/matchbox, ANY kind of vehicle really, and last year for his bday I told everyone just to get him lots of cheap cars...thinking he would just DIE when he kept opening them...well, no one listened, at least my mother in law got him 'car' books...but others kept saying, well he has so many cars already...which basically means 'why arent you trying to make him happy, i must know more or care more about your son's happiness, because I am sure he is already bored with his 5291497 cars, why would you limit him like that?"....and each and every bday/holiday, I always say, 'the gift doesnt matter, just spend some time, come over and play, its the company they love, not the present'....and no one 'gets' it either...and they continue to purchase things out of guilt, and its usually directly proportionate to the amount of time not spent with the kids during the year, for instance, my mother (long story) lives 5 minutes away and has probably seen my daughter Megan, who is 2.5 years old a TOTAL of 5 times in her life, so that means she hasnt seen the boys either....so her gifts tend to be over the top to try to help her guilt I would imagine...and all I keep telilng her is to come and spend time with them that is all....
Well at least we all understand eachother here, and totally do not know what I would do without being able to read/post here...feels much more like family than the family (both sides are HUGE and live within 10 minutes of us, yet no one, except mother in law, cares to visit/call/check up/ask about school/therapy....so sad when there are families around the world who are too far apart to visit, and yet ours tends to just take things like that for granted)...sorry to have gone OT here, thanks for listening!
Gosh..thinking about it, flashlights are a GrEAT idea, since whenever we tend to want to play, ours is broken or out of batteries...
Thanks!
Angie
Mom to Ethan, Alex, and Megan
Posted by: Angie | December 10, 2008 at 02:11 PM
Randy - a toronto subway system - do tell?
Have any pix? I'm sure I could find another on eBay!!! feel free to send pix to
reillycct at verizon dot net.
And our son's would have a great time having a computer "subway-jam".
Posted by: Cathy | December 10, 2008 at 01:36 PM
Barbara - I meant to add that you always do hit the nail on the head - and have again with this one. Although my son is jonesing for an MBTA replica - there is NOTHING else he wants. Nothing he would be interested in. Many relatives ask - I give ideas for books with pictures he would dig, etc. Luckily we do have a daughter who is three years younger and she appreciates the "extra" toys. But it does break my heart just a little to see her playing with them instead of their intended recipiant.
Money towards biomed is a great idea as a present for our son. Well, time to call Mass Bay Transportation Authority - ask them to check their closets...
Posted by: Cathy | December 10, 2008 at 01:32 PM
Barbara, Holly, Keith and Cathy have just described the angst of the gift-giving thing perfectly. Gramma is an angel, but always gets "stuff" that ends up in the dungeon (basement) for donation - don't have the heart to keep telling her - she tries so hard and is so limited in strength and energy that we're resigned to the fact that it just makes her feel good. I recall not too long ago taking an entire truckload (pickup truck) to the Christmas Cheer depot - they couldn't believe it- several trips in with armloads of unopened toys - didn't have the will to try to explain. All from well-meaning family and friends. They ask us and we usually say "you don't have to get anything". In other words, we're clueless on how to reply. And subways? Man, since we took the plunge and brought our son onto the Toronto subway system a couple of years ago (didn't know what to expect in that experiment) he is now the king of the google/u-tube subway experience. He still can't tie his own shoes completely, but he knows every part of the transit system, he can find directions to (and across) any city we've visited, take you on a street level tour of the routes we took while visiting - wow. From Chicago to Miami - and points in between.
And of course, most of the small parts of anything that lands on on the floor end up in one of the heating registers :-)
No matter how many times I hear of other kids who are so much alike, it still blows me away. Another Christmas will come and go - we'll get him a couple of cool toys - lots of other stuff will end up under someone else's tree somewhere next year (*sigh*)
Posted by: Randy | December 10, 2008 at 11:54 AM
Thanks Barbara,
Your words are so true! Holidays and Birthdays are so filled with joy for our son. He is so happy to see presents we could re-wrap what he already has. So many ask and then don't listen to what they are told. We receive the 1000 piece puzzles and the age appropriate books he cannot read. He would really like a grand piano to fiddle around on but no one offers that...Even if they did we have no place for it. Lucky for him I have an Aunt and Uncle who *get it* They save every lid from their frozen orange juice because they know how much Nick loves them. Every 6 months or so a large envelope arrives filled with the precious lids. I can turn anything into therapy or a lesson, even orange juice lids.
This year I have told everyone that he is fascinated by ten dollar bills! I hope it lets them off the hook and he really does love to spend money!
Posted by: K Fuller Yuba City | December 10, 2008 at 11:42 AM
Knew I could count on all of you to chime in with these tales. Cathy this is such a great story. Maybe you might want to call the Boston Tranportation PR Dept. I bet they have something lying around that might work. Well just a thought....
Posted by: Barbara Fischkin | December 10, 2008 at 10:24 AM
Does anyone have a working miniature version of the entire boston subway system? That is what my son wants. Ok then, maybe just the Green Line Heath Street? Hmmmm... I'm screwed.
He continues to build it on the floor out of sticky notes and popsicle sticks (if you ever need a subway map - call me, I'll take a picture of our floor). The latest creation is a taped together google map of the subway system which - no surprise - is huge and taking the shape of what we see on the real subway map. So I REALLY could use a miniature version that I can put on a table and get off my floor(s) LOL!
(I think we have a somewhat satisfactory solution - but not perfect and certainly not miniature). I thinking of hiring an MBTA archititect at this point!!! Happy Holidays. Oh - my daughter wants a Build a Bear trip and a Barbie Kitchen...sigh...if everything could be that easy.
Posted by: Cathy | December 10, 2008 at 09:24 AM
This is painful issue for family members who don't quite "get" our son.
We have a backlog of toys that never get opened simply because he is uninterested in them at all (unless of course he can stick all the separate parts down the heating register vents then he's thrilled).
We have donated many, sold a couple at garage sells and yet the pile continues. I often wonder if we hold out about 20 years if we could clean up on ebay with all the unopened toys for which what is left of his generation may be nostalgic for and pay big $$$.
Anyway most family members are catching on. They see him improve and help with biomed costs. They value now the time they can get his attention, that he is starting to speak some and express himself and we have all learned a little along the way that old meme behind most Christmas specials (that he still doesnt care to watch) that it isn't "things" that are important but the moments you have with each other.
Posted by: Keith | December 10, 2008 at 09:16 AM
My mom, who is in her 80s, volunteers at a local hospital gift shop where she does all her shopping. Get the picture. At the hospital, they sell singing stuffed animals. Seven years ago when my son was 3, we noticed he only "played" with things that made noise. Fast forward 2008, my son loves any Lego creation he can get his hands-on(thank you Bernie) but mom is still giving him those muscical toys. She certainly means well but the memories they stir-up land them all in the trash.
Posted by: Holly M. | December 10, 2008 at 06:28 AM