By Harry Hofherr
Last year, during one of my son's recurring IEP meetings, the director of special education for our school district said, "I love autism."
My wife began to seethe and turn purple. I just thought the lady had lost her fookin' mind. Nobody loves autism. Ask the parent of a child with autism. Sure, you love the child, but you hate the disorder. There is nothing to LOVE about autism.
But, I've come to the conclusion that as bad as it sucks, I'm an Autism Junkie. I'm hooked on this stuff. I start my day with autism and fall asleep dreaming about the CDC and the AAP and the IOM and the FDA and Pharma all kneeling down to kiss my ass.
Like I said, it's a dream.
I'm hooked on The Schafer Autism Report, the Age of Autism, Generation Rescue ads in USA Today, the National Autism Association alerts, the Yahoo Environment of Harm group, and David Kirby's and Dan Olmstead's reporting on autism. Just to name a few of the many fixes feeding my "jones".
To paraphrase Jackson Browne, "Daddy's in the den shooting up the autism news."
I watch Larry King when Jenny McCarthy is on because she can say "Bullshit" on TV and get away with it. (I won't watch Oprah; even if Billy Frist came on to say autism is caused by vaccines and apologized for putting the Lily Rider in the Patriot Act. A man's got to have some pride.)
I'm hooked on the real science that shows ethyl mercury is poisonous to the human body. I've learned enough chemistry in my job to know what a horrific mistake the bad guys are covering up with their phony denials and calls for more studies.
I'm hooked on reading the latest CDC/Pharma study showing old dads, cold moms, too much TV, Teletubbies, GE microwaves, AT&Tcell phone towers, and depleted gene pools are causing all the autism. I can't wait for the new FDA study linking autism to McDonald's french fries and Big Macs, and the really big report that's coming from DOD linking autism to shopping at Wal-Mart and the insurgency in Iraq. That oughta put a dent in the economy.
I'm hooked on finding out what other countries we ship our poisonous vaccines to and seeing the latest worldwide estimates of rising autism cases. It won't be long before somebody's gonna figure out our latest greatest war on disease is destroying generations of babies. I can't imagine a long line of applicants for Secretary of State when this finally pops up on the radar.
I'm hooked on books about autism, and about vaccines, and Maynard G. Krebs cycles, and glutathione levels, and GFCFSFBFD diets. I built another bookcase for all our books and binders. I'd like to get hooked on cabinetmaking, but I can only afford one good addiction per lifetime. I got autism this time around.
I'm also hooked on homestead security. Eric is an autism runner and we had to lock down the house and build a high fence. I'm hoping to post guards in the corner towers with super soakers and air horns. The neighbors just love what we've done to the place, especially the barb wire.
I'm hooked on Dan doctors and vitamins and minerals and supplements and lab tests and chelation and insurance forms that keep coming back denied, due to an autism diagnosis. Catch 22? Again?
I'm hooked on psychologists with PhD's evaluating our son for hours and telling us in $1,500 increments that our non-verbal self stimming son is autistic. "No shit, Sherlock". There are sweathogs everywhere.
I'm really hooked on epidemiology studies that prove there is no epidemic of autism and that all the kids being diagnosed today are lucky that the doctors are so damn good at spotting autism like symptoms so much earlier than before. When I grow up I want to be an epidemiologist too. Then I can get an AS grant for bullshitting the masses.
I'm hooked on the smug satisfaction I see on the faces of doctors, especially pediatricians, who take enormous pride in the rising autism numbers in California, because it's proof that thimerosal doesn't cause autism because there's no more mercury in vaccines. These are the same people that made it into med school, and took the Hippocratic Oath. Makes me wonder.
I'm hooked on the statement; "We don't know what causes autism, but there is no linkage between thimerosal/vaccines and autism". Huh? If you don't know what causes it, how can you rule out something critical like vaccines? Must be a special science kinda thing. Ya think?
Now, I'm hooked on Mitochondria and the thought that these tiny little pieces of cells can bring down the mighty Pharma. Maybe, if enough scientists say that vaccines can trigger mitochondria disorder, which can trigger autistic disorder, then maybe we can trigger disorder in the house and the senate and put an end to all this crappola.
I look forward to the day Julie Gerberding does the perp walk in front of the cameras. Don't you? I can't wait for Paul Offitt's sentencing.
I'll still have Eric and my autism addiction, but I'll have a big smile on my face.
Like I said, it's a dream.