SweathogsBy Harry Hofherr

Remember that TV show about Mr. Kotter who was welcomed back to his old school as a teacher? The students he was assigned to were the challenging ones, the bottom of the class. They were called the Sweathogs. Eventually the show was cancelled. One of the students ended up famous while the rest just disappeared.

I think I found them.

I've been an autism expert for almost nine years now. Nope, I don't have a PhD. or an MD, or a research grant from Autism Speaks to study the potential genetic variables that may or may not contribute to the millions of gene based clues that AS is always looking for. Nor do I run an excellent autism center. I do have a chaotic autism center in our home that caters to a boy who stopped talking somewhere around eighteen months and began flapping his arms. Besides, I already found a PRIMARY cause of the autism epidemic, and I didn't need an AS grant to find it. It's the vaccines.

Don't believe me? Take a look at the Generation Rescue study on vaccinated vs. unvaccinated children; Click HERE 

I earned my autism expert rating by changing uncounted numbers of diapers on a boy who early in his life tried to go in the toilet by himself. He still wears a diaper today which is about as far from excellent as you can get.

I also earned the chance to watch a couple dozen movies 15 - 20,000 times or more. Want me to recite the lines from either Toy Story, or the first Harry Potter? 

I've earned multiple opportunities to shop for clothes that fit my son's sensory agenda. He doesn't tuck shirts into his pants (It's a real problem this time of year when the temperature can be -5 in the morning) and he won't wear gloves. For years he would only wear white socks, which made that part of shopping easy. Buying shoes is a nightmare straight out of a Tim Burton movie.

I earned my expert rating by educating myself in various biomedical therapies and diets in order to help bring a little boy around to some semblance of normalcy, in hopes that someday he might live independently and contribute something, anything, to society.

My expert rating also comes from running through our neighborhood looking for my son who escaped from the house or back yard and ran away thinking, I assume from his loud giggles, that it's a game. The game got a bit more frightening last fall when he took off and was found a quarter mile from the house on a major road with a 50MPH speed limit. Thankfully, some young men spotted his erratic running style and corralled him until a sheriff's deputy arrived. My wife rescued him from the long arm of the law.

As part of my expert training, our house is now on total lockdown. Like the Federal Maximum Security Prison at Marion, Illinois.

I've earned my rating by escorting my son, while visiting family, friends, or wherever we go, in searching the premises for bathrooms and examining in great detail the showers. Not the bathtubs, the showerheads. OCD for shower heads? Can we get an epidemiology for that?

I've been raised to the stratosphere of hope when my son distinctly says words, like "bubble", "butterfly", "green", "Hi", and a few others. I'm more accustomed to his "Eeeeeeeee…" which means a multitude of things. Mostly it appears to mean he's happy, he's hungry, he's made a joke, he's angry, or he wants to You Tube on the computer.

My son used to talk. He was still a baby with a baby's vocabulary, but he also ran around the playground with all the other little kids and climbed up the stairs to go down the big tube slide, laughing all the way. He played Little Tikes basketball in the family room and softball with his sisters on the front lawn.

Somewhere around the vaccine overload age, he lost it all. It's called regressive autism, and it's directly related to all the vaccines he received.

Trust me, I know. I'm an autism expert.

I haven't earned my expert rating by watching videos of children with autism, or calculating and recalculating mountains of epidemiological data from HMO's or PPO's and bogus anthropology studies showing no linkage between autism and the pharmaceutical companies, or staring into microscopes looking for the elusive Gene Gene the Dancing DNA Machine. Instead, I've been immersed in autism 24/7/365 for almost nine years now.

In the mid to late 90's most pediatricians didn't have a clue to the tsunami coming at them. They were too busy handing out more and more shots. They should've handed out more lollipops.

My son got his official diagnosis at 3 year old. Of course this took his pediatricians by surprise; they thought he was just slow to develop.

It's estimated that only 10% of adverse vaccine reactions are reported. I can testify that we are in the majority, the 90%. The pediatricians never wrote down what we told them. When my son had a well child visit to the pediatricians, he came home unwell and began banging his head on the walls. The Baby Docs dismissed it saying he was just looking for attention. I told them that banging his head on 1" plaster walls certainly got our attention. It must have hurt.

By the way, the pediatricians never thought that with two older sisters, who were also patients in their practice, fawning all over him, this little boy got more than his share of attention. He still has 3 mothers.

The pediatricians also told us not to worry about his loss of speech.  They said, "Einstein didn't talk until he was 4, or 5, or maybe it was 6". I replied, "But my son was talking. Now he's not." They dismissed it again.  A true 90%'er.

That is when I realized that no matter how much effort they put into getting into med school or the hard work and time it takes to get a license to PRACTICE medicine, somebody always graduates at the bottom of the class. The Sweathogs.

The mandated vaccine schedule began to explode at the same time as the kids with neurological damage began showing up in the schools in big numbers. But the doctors, the industry, and the government say it's a coincidence. If you believe that, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn you might want to look at.

Common sense, not a PhD or an M.D., tells me that mercury, aluminum, anti-freeze, formaldehyde, and ground up monkeys are not good for the human body, let alone a baby's body or a pregnant woman's. So, if these things are not good for anyone, what the hell are they doing in vaccines? And why are there so many vaccines to begin with?

When I see statistics from the state boards of education showing astronomical increases in students enrolled in special ed classes and school nurses buying bigger drug cabinets because of all the kids they need to keep doped up every day, my expert rating tells me that the pediatricians are either ignorant, full of crap, or they are hiding their stupid colleagues mistakes.

Figures from 1992/93 to 2003/04 show a 1,054% increase in cases of autism according to the U.S. Department of Education. But there's no epidemic? Riiight…

Soon after my son was diagnosed I had a conversation with a neurologist and I asked him why he thought the numbers of autism cases had gone from 1:10,000 to 1:500 in ten years. He said, "We're better at diagnosing." I shook my head and replied, "Sorry, Doc, you ain't that good."

That thought was reinforced when my son's pediatrician recently said he'd done all he could to help my boy. I figured he'd done enough.

What helped make me an expert is listening to all the spinning self-appointed experts tell me what autism is, what doesn't cause it, and why it's not an epidemic. I know now that most of these people are full of crapola. I wonder if they've ever changed an autistic 11 year olds crappy diaper, or dealt with a full blown meltdown at the mall or at school.

I suspect that the experts denying autism is epidemic and telling the world that it is safe to inject a boat load of indisputable neurotoxins into babies and pregnant women are the ones that finished at or near the bottom of their class. They must be the Sweathogs.

Harry Hofherr and his wife have three children; two daughters and a son, Eric 11, who has autism. He has been in sales and marketing for over 25 years.


<3 AofA

Nor do I run an excellent autism center...

Comedy Gold! Thanks for the laughs.

still pissed

Harry, we have the same autism credentials in our house as you do. Nothing ages a parent faster when their nonverbal kid has escaped and is on the loose. We have the boy scout badge for this experience, and so many others. Thousands of (extra foul) diapers. Cruel and ignorant comments in public. Thomas the Tank Engine for the millionth time. You make me proud- this is street cred that the "experts" know nothing about.

Our former pediatrician must have still been smoking something when I was going into the office again and again to express our concerns about loss of language development in our toddler, only to be told to make another appointment., surely next month language will kick in. Eight years later, we'd still be getting nowhere, since our pediatrician wouldn't recognize a case of severe autism if she fell over it.


Harry, I don't know how you do it -- that is-- make me laugh at such a frighteningly, serious and personally painful subject. You are right on. Thanks for the laugh; I am grateful for it. When I think too much about how my children's lives are forever changed, and about how just about everyone I know is in complete denial of the vaccine connection to symptoms/conditions in their own kids, I feel sick to my stomach.

Teresa Conrick


We all need to laugh as this stuff is just so dang depressing sometimes. Thanks for another good one!



Harry, you're the Elmore Leonard of autism articles. Great stuff. *Familiar* stuff. Our peds never took a note either.

Amy Becker Clark

Reminded me of an old joke:
Q. What do you call the guy who graduated last in his class at medical school?
A. Doctor.

Sandy Gottstein

Harry, Great piece, as always.

Sorry to have to be the bearer of bad tidings, but the estimates on adverse reaction reporting are probably even worse than you stated. Here is what I have noted in at least one of my columns: "Former FDA commissioner David Kessler has said that, according to one study, 1% of serious drug reactions are reported to the FDA. A vaccine manufacturer testified that in their experience, a passive system (which is what VAERS is) results in around 2%, regardless of seriousness." ( )

In other words, 98-99% SERIOUS adverse reactions ARE NOT reported. And this is according to a former FDA commissioner and a vaccine manufacturer.

As for the horrid stuff that is in vaccines, I wrote at least two columns concerning it 1) "On "mad cows" and sick monkeys: From the people who brought you SV40 in vaccines...." ( ) and 2) "Are vaccines involved in Gulf War Syndrome, autism and other chronic diseases?" ( )

Kelli Ann Davis

Hey Kim,

That musta been a mega mug! Can see the caffine kicking in ohhhh...right about the time of "up your nose....."

Harry, I was dying on this -- you made my day!


Years later, I come to find out from my ped's fraternity brother, that my ped was a druggy and on graduation day was getting high scared he wouldn't graduate. He had a D average and always worried about flunking out. Turns out he went to medical school in the islands and then joined his dad's practice. Boy do I know how to pick 'em. A true sweathog.

Theresa Cedillo

Hey Kim - Hi Jeanne! Yes, we had a good night. It was very satisfying to watch Larry King. I'm turning in now for the "night" which is now day to get some zzzz's -



Hey, CDC and AAP? Up your nose with a rubber hose! (Remember that one? And, "Off my case, toilet face." Ah, 70's insults! So innocent.


Jeanne, Teresa, welcome early birds! LOL! Time to get three GFCF breakfasts made here, 3 GFCF lunches and send the girls to school. Sigh... First? A giant mug of Starbucks. We had a good night, ladies, didn't we? A good night. Larry King, who knew?



Excellent Harry! I've been telling people for years, if there's a top of the class, there has to be a bottom - it's a given! I always knew my son's pediatrician was at the bottom! Now I have a name for it... he's a Sweathog! I love it!

Theresa Cedillo

Hi Harry - I'm too sleep deprived to think of anything witty to say - so I'll say a simple "thank you" for writing this. I wonder how many fewer parents would be reading this if only the "experts" had listened 9 years ago, or 11 years ago in our case?

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been saved. Comments are moderated and will not appear until approved by the author. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Comments are moderated, and will not appear until the author has approved them.

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)