By Kent Heckenlively, Esq.
I know that readership in the mainstream media has declined over the past several years because people have lots of other choices and so many times it seems like the media is being bought and paid for by some industry that isn't really interested in telling you the truth.
So just in case you haven't been reading the popular press all that much, I thought I'd compile the current enemy list of all right-thinking people so you'd have it in a single place. It just makes hating people so much easier when you don't get confused about the identity of the bad guys.
1. Dr. Andrew Wakefield - Okay, let's all pile on him first. I mean, so he was a top scientist in the field of gastroenterology and he did respond to parent complaints that their children regressed after a MMR vaccination and had gastrontestinal problems. Like any good supervillian, he went looking for the source of the gastrointestinal problems and found the measles virus in the gut of these children several years after it should have cleared their system, and was brazen enough to say the findings called for additional research. That's what good scientists are supposed to do when they find something which might help people, right? Instead, Wakefield was attacked and found guilty of "conspiracy" with another gastroenertologist who had retired years earlier. However, that other doctor was able to get the insurance company to fight the verdict handed down by the British Medical Council and be exonerated. So, even though now the gastrointestinal problems of children with autism are widely accepted, Wakefield remains probably the only man on the planet guilty of a conspiracy with himself. You have to be a major-league supervillain to pull off that feat.
2. Jenny McCarthy - Jenny was an actress, a best-selling author of humorous books, and yes, she did have a rocking body that was hot enough to land her in the pages of Playboy magazine. Then she had a child who developed autism after a vaccination, and she was able to recover him, a supposed impossibility. When she talked about what had happened to her son, she was attacked as if she was, well, an NBA owner who made racially insensitive remarks. Okay, let's put her on the hate list.
3. Dr. Bernadine Healy - Healy may not have had a rocking body, but she had a rocking mind. It was good enough to make her the first female head of the National Institutes of Health, where she started the Human Genome Project. Oh, and after that little stint, she headed that crypto-fascist organization, a.k.a. the Red Cross, and was a columnist for U. S. News and World Report. She thought it was important to study subgroups of people who received vaccinations because some might be more vulnerable to side-effects than others. What?!? Some medical interventions might have different effects on different people and should be studied?!? Next, she'll be saying the world is flat and we're going to sail off the edge.
4. Sharyl Attkisson - For those Neanderthals who think the leaders of our country need to answer serious questions from reporters, like what happened to our ambassador in Benghazi, the IRS scandal, or Fast and Furious, this is your poster girl. But wait, this former top CBS investigative journalist also pursued embarassing stories that the Bush administration didn't like. I'm starting to have a thought here, but it needs time to develop. Maybe . . . just maybe . . . in a free society, the press should act as a check on whichever party is in power. Sharyl's crime? She interviewed Dr. Bernadine Healy, the former head of the National Institutes of Health, asked whether vaccines had been thoroughly studied, and reported Dr. Healy's response that they had not. Oh, and for those keeping score at home, that happened at the end of the Bush years.
5. Rob Schneider - Here's another funny actor, but he's dangerous too, because he also worries that vaccines might be hurting children. We need to crush him like a grape! Okay, maybe they should just keep him locked up so he doesn't lead good people astray, and let him out only when he does those movies with Adam Sandler because they're so damn funny. (I'm not sure, does that mean Adam Sandler should be on the list, too?)
6. Katie Couric - Well she did anchor the CBS Evening News and was known for going after people like the first President Bush, but when she did stories on the harm that the Gardasil vaccine might be causing in young girls, well, that was it. We need to turn our backs on her and shun her like a bunch of mean girls.