Record Cases Of Scarlet Fever In The UK -- Is the Nasal Flu Vaccine Responsible Part IV
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Speak Your Mind

Speak your mindBy Cathy Jameson

Several years ago, Ronan’s brother stepped on a nail.  It wasn’t a rusty nail, but it did pierce his skin.  While playing in the back yard, he and a neighbor crossed an old wooden board that spanned over a trench that separated our yard from an undeveloped lot of land.  As he crossed the board, the nail, which was sticking straight up, went right though Willem’s shoe.  While quite painful, he made his way across the yard and into the house with no assistance.  Even so, I knew to be careful when removing his shoe and sock so as not to further disturb the wound.  Once his foot was exposed, I immediately inspected where the nail punctured his skin and observed.  Blood began to ooze out which I took as a good sign.  At no time did I panic or think I needed to run him to the E.R.  That would’ve be fruitless anyway. 

Knowing the typical protocol for that kind of injury, if my son had been exposed to tetanus, E.R. staff wouldn’t proceed with giving the TiG (tetanus immunoglobulin) first or maybe even at all.  They would’ve offered to clean the wound, which I could do myself, and would give him a tetanus shot, which he didn’t need (and which, as far as I’m aware, is never a stand-alone shot—it’s adminstered as the Td, DTaP, or Tdap).  Regardless, the kids were vaccinated on schedule.  That meant that Willem had gone through the tetanus series and wasn’t “due” for one.  At the time, vaccine logic told me that if he had been exposed and if that vaccine series did what doctors claim it does, which is to provide protection from the tetanus bacteria, he’d be fine.  He’d had several of those shots already.  I was reminded of that fact earlier this week. 

At a clinic with Willem for a physical, the nurse, who looked to be in her late 30s-early 40s, could not wrap her head around the fact that a stretch of time had passed since those vaccinations had been administered.  Getting ready to put the cuff on Willem’s arm to get a blood pressure reading, the nurse kept going back to one of the pages I’d filled out before we arrived.  She’d look at the page, glance at me quizzically, and then look back at the page again.  She finally spoke up. 

“Are you sure you have the right date?” 

Looking her straight in the eye, I confidently replied, “Yes.”

Skipping to the next section, she paused.  Then she went back to that other page. 

Oh, boy.  Here we go, I thought. 

Willem must have thought the same thing.  He looked at me knowing things could go one of two ways – our way, or her way.  He smiled a very nervous smile at me.  I quietly whispered, “I’ve got this,” and smiled back at him.

Turning her head toward me, the nurse looked at me strangely again, “But it says here…” 

Before she could finish, I politely interrupted her and said, “Yes, that date is correct.”  Then, I attempted to get her back on track.

“So, he’s here for a sports physical.  He’s a pretty active kid.  Eats well, loves to play outside… rides his bike, enjoys football, frisbee, and soccer…he’s doing well in school, has a great appetite, and he’s grown.”

Unsatisfied with my response, I quickly added, “There’s been no change in his health since his last physical.”  There.  That should get her attention back to where it should be. 

She was not having it. 

In her broken English, she stammered, “But this date, it’s….”

While there is one question about one vaccine on this particular form, vaccines are not a requirement for why we were at the clinic that day.  The nurse, who over time must see thousands of patients requesting this exam, should know that.  But I ended up being the one to educate her.  Just like I had to several years ago with another young medical professional who grew up outside of the United States.  Relying on third-world facts and fear tactics, he, too, tried to change my mind about vaccines.  After a lengthy convo, he respectfully came around.  But this gal didn’t seem to want to budge.  She’d need a longer lesson on knowing when to stop badgering a parent who obviously knew more about vaccines and parents’ rights than she did. 

Forced to speak my mind once again, I firmly said, “We’re here for the physical, so…thanks for asking about the tetanus, but he’s all set.”  

She’d been quite pleasant when we’d walked in, but the nurse’s tone had clearly changed.  Not entirely pleased with how pointed I had become, she jotted something down on the intake paper.  She’d written down Willem’s height and weight on it already and was about to write down his blood pressure and heart rate, too.  I didn’t see what she scribbled, but I’m sure it wasn’t a positive comment.  That didn’t phase me.  It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s attitude about me changed once they got to know the real me. 

Still in disagreement, the nurse finished her part of the appointment and left the room.  Leaving quieter than when she walked in, I stuck to my guns and waited patiently for the doctor to come in.  With gusto, and all smiles not just toward my kids but toward me as well, he welcomed us with open arms.  And within 10 minutes, we got what we came in for and left without incident.   

It isn’t every day that I have to take my children to the doctor.  We save those sorts of trips for when we need to and for when forms like the one I was getting signed absolutely have to be filled out.  Along the way, if we run into a provider who listens, who respects, who doesn’t badger and who invites us back, we stick with them.  Their staff may come and go, like that new nurse we encountered, but they don’t, and never will, have the final say when it comes to my children’s health.  As their mom, that’s my job.  For now, it’s my right, too. 

As the parent of a vaccine injured child, I go into medical appointments knowing what I want.  I go in knowing what I need.  To try to veer me off that path does me, and that provider, no good.  Thankfully, the doctor we saw for that physical understands that.  His attitude toward me is far different – and better, than that nurse’s.  It’s helped make our encounters with him positive, productive, and meaningful. 

I hope the nurse learned something useful last week.  I know I didn’t change her mind like she wanted me so quickly to change mine.  But if she learns one thing, I hope it’s to stop and listen.  Stop overtalking, stop fear mongering, stop pushing the agenda.  Instead, listen to the mom.  Listen to her story.  Listen and learn from the parent sitting in front of you.  She speaks up for a reason. 

Cathy Jameson is a Contributing Editor for Age of Autism.

Comments

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cia parker

Pete,

I agree that the DPT and the DTaP were/are very dangerous vaccines. But most of the danger appears to be caused by the pertussis component, which I don't think anyone should ever get. Young babies under three months old are the only ones at serious risk from dying of pertussis if they get it, and even in that group it's one in 200 who dies, no more than that. Certainly worth sheltering them from, but not worth risking their lives, minds, and health by giving them the pertussis vaccine. There's a nosode to prevent it and vitamin C and Pertudoron to treat them with if they get it. And don't expose them to groups of people or anyone who has a respiratory illness.

You can see from the statistics in the article which David linked that after the tetanus vaccine came into general use, the death rate from tetanus was only one-twelfth what it had been in 1900, before the vaccine. The fact that not one of the many thousands of servicemen who were given the tetanus series in WWII had ever gotten tetanus even forty years later shows that the vaccine worked/works to prevent tetanus. The article explains how it had been mostly men who got tetanus because of the physical work they often did and got tetanus-prone wounds from, but that the rate of tetanus in men plunged after generalized use of the vaccine.

I would not force anyone either way. My father saw a man die of tetanus in his father's doctor's office in Louisiana in the '30s. The shill Dr. Mike Stevens vividly described struggling all night to save the life of a newborn with tetanus because it was in an African country where it was customary to smear cow dung on the umbilical stump. He said the newborn was jerking like a puppet in his hands. And despite his efforts, the infant died. He said he hugged the mother and they both cried. I think the pertussis vaccine is extremely dangerous and there are better alternatives for preventing and treating the disease. I think tetanus is a more difficult question. It is likely that if the infant had been given IV vitamin C, that he would have recovered. He was too young for a shot, and I disagree with the current practice of giving pregnant women the DTaP. Parents in the Third World must be taught, as I'm sure they are, that smearing tetanus spores on an open wound is a very dangerous practice. Everyone must research these issues and make a choice. No vaccine is or could ever be safe for everyone, and there are many forms of vaccine damage which are severe and never linked to the vaccine. Or not that severe, but still damaging. Everyone has to be aware of that. Every vaccine is definitely a risk to your health. And I know that sometimes even the DT has caused severe reactions. But it would always have to be borne in mind that in close to all cases, it does prevent diphtheria and tetanus, for whatever that's worth, and I think it's worth a lot for most people.

At this time, very few doctors and very few laypeople have ever seen either disease or the ravages and deaths that they used to cause. My mother had a neighbor boy who died of diphtheria: his parents called in every doctor in Taylor, Texas, to try to treat him, but he died in agony. I had a roommate crippled by polio: she's still living in Kansas City, but can no longer walk with crutches, but has to use a wheelchair.

On the other hand, I reacted to the DPT with mercury at three months old and my daughter reacted to the DTaP with losing her only words and being diagnosed as autistic two months later. I don't know if the DTaP given at that time in 2001 had mercury or not: any vaccine can always cause vaccine encephalitis, and the hep-B given her at birth against my express wishes caused both vaccine encephalitis AND mercury poisoning. I believe that it was primarily the pertussis component which caused the damage, but don't know for sure. I know that when I was growing up, everyone I knew had gotten the DPT series, and, while I now recognize that some of us reacted with Asperger's, I had never heard of or seen classic Kanner's autism, so common now. No one I knew or heard of got or died of any contagious disease: we only had DPT, polio, and smallpox vaccines then. We all just got measles, mumps, rubella, and chickenpox, everyone got them as children and I never knew or heard of anyone who was damaged by the natural diseases. I never got flu until I was in my twenties. I would not recommend the MMR for anyone, except that girls who will be having babies must stay alert and take steps to prevent rubella during pregnancy if it comes back. There is a nosode to prevent it, which would be safer than the vaccine. It would be better to deliberately give M, M, R, and chickenpox deliberately to schoolchildren, one a year, before they reach puberty. I knew one boy at school who had asthma, probably from the DPT, but he gradually got better as he grew up, though I know that several thousand a year die from asthma. Probably from the pertussis component, but we need to do studies to find out if the DT series causes as much asthma as the DTaP.

NH

I would consider genetic testing, if one feels compelled to have the tetanus shot...

I have stated this before, but these toxins given indiscriminately and without informed consent are
dangerous. Given to my husband without forethought (after a hernia operation? while drugged?) caused paralysis of his arm. Still working on recovery. He had severe reactions as a child, long before the ingredient list of current noxious substances. No one bothered to ask...

Pete

Cia,

The theory of DTP is a good one, if it was a clean and safe vaccine, very well tested, it could save lives. All good on paper, so we need to ask has the vaccine been through a high enough standard of testing to prove itself? Unfortunately the answer is no, though that isn't enough by itself to show that the vaccine doesn’t overall save lives, so let’s see what we know about potential downsides and try to get an idea.

We know that the vaccine is associated with SIDS, in the US the rate of SIDS is around 1 in 2000, but we could get around that by holding the vaccine off until after age 2. The vaccine is also associated with asthma, that is not to say it causes all asthma. In America 10 people die per day from asthma, some of those should really be counted as DPT deaths. It has been shown that the longer you hold off the DTP vaccine the lower the risk that it will cause asthma. So one can reduce the risk of DPT by holding off until e.g. after age 5, there is still risk but it is hard to quantify as the studies haven’t been performed.

Without studies at the cellular level we don’t really know exactly what the vaccine is doing. Our other hope would be a Vaxxed vs Unvaxxed study, which the industry normally avoids, one of these would help immensely to shed light on the risk/benefit ratio. You will be pleased to know that this is one of the rare occassions when we do have a Vaxxed vs Unvaxxed study, so let’s take a look!

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5360569/

Conclusion "DTP was associated with increased mortality"

More info http://vaccinepapers.org/high-mortality-dtp-vaccine/

As you can see, unfortunately it turned out the DPT was actually reducing life expectancy i.e. causing more harm than good, this is likely a combination of the SIDS, asthma along with neurological damage. (it is also linked on rare occasions with muscle wasting autoimmune disease, but not common enough to show up in a study like this)

So the case for the vaccine is not looking good, though holding off till age 5 or later will reduce the risk of harm from the vaccine.

Let’s now consider tetanus in the third world, most of this is caused by cutting the umbilical cord with unsterilised instruments, we need to treat education as key to solving this, especially taking into account the basic failings of the vaccine.

In the first world those who get tetanus mostly have severe burns or another serious skin condition. Tetanus is unlikely to be a death sentence now with Anti-tetanus immunoglobulin available to treat it.

So, my conclusion is that the use of DTP jab is not backed up by good science, in fact there are many reasons to avoid it. The risks decrease the longer you hold the vaccine off, but for a rare and treatable illness like tetanus it seems not worth risking a healthy individual to the sacrificial altar of the DTP vaccine.

Another take on the vaccine from a professor in Scotland
https://www.vaccinationinformationnetwork.com/the-dangers-of-whooping-cough-vaccination-prof-gordon-stewart/

Pete

Barry,

Thanks, that is an interesting line of investigation to pursue, I remember seeing data showing that DTP did increase the risk of autism.

Pete

david,

Agreed, combination shots increase the risk of harm. DTP is right up there with the most dangerous vaccines on the market.

Rae

My two cents' worth: Cathy was not making fun of broken English. She was simply expressing the truth that a language barrier complicates what may already be a tense situation. I personally have been exposed to doctors/nurses whose lack of English command made me seriously doubt whether they could understand my problem, much less treat it effectively. And, yes, they were from other countries. And I've known other doctors/nurses from those same countries who were wonderful. This is not about being or not being an American. It's about possessing all the necessary tools for the job, one of which is effective communication in the language in which one is going to practice.

cia parker

David,

Your article from 1964 about tetanus incidence and mortality is interesting and I have saved it. I disagree that it shows that the vaccine is more dangerous than the disease. The article was written about fifteen years after the DPT was introduced in the US, and eventually almost 100% of American children got the series. Again, I don't think anyone should get the pertussis component. The article provides statistics showing that in 1900 there were 2.33 deaths per 100,000, while in 1959, because of widespread tetanus immunization, only 0.16 deaths per 100,000 population occurred. That's about one-twelfth the number of deaths as there had been in 1900. It says that the death rate varied by region, from 30% in the North-East to nearly 100% in the West Central states, though the anomaly he mentioned of Texas means it's hard to tell what the real figure was. In general, mortality was between 50 and 70% of tetanus patients. The author says that there continued to be about 246 to 354 deaths a year from tetanus, a great reduction from what it had been. Now, of course, there are only a few deaths per year from tetanus, usually less than five, sometimes zero. The author says that before WWII, there had been more tetanus deaths in males than females, probably because of the type of work men are more apt to do. He said that this death rate was greatly decreased after WWII because every serviceman in the US Armed Forces got the tetanus series, and Dr. Mendelsohn in his book said that none of them had ever gotten tetanus even at the time he wrote his book in the mid-'80s. Because the vaccine usually protects for at least forty years.

Most writers on vaccines (and I could get some sources, but it's late and I can't do it now) consider the tetanus vaccine to be one of the safest ones, while the disease is one of the most deadly and horrendous. Has any study been done on vaccine damage caused by the DT alone in children who don't get any other vaccine? I don't think there has been. And so saying that the DT series alone would cause just as much damage as the DPT or DTaP has not been established, nor whether five tetanus shots in the initial series and one at age 45, and no more vaccines than that, would be just as dangerous as the current 80 or so vaccines routinely given to children and adolescents by age 18.

Parents must be apprised of these facts, and of the homeopathic nosode and the usefulness of vitamin C to treat tetanus. Take ledum palustre at the time of getting a wound, but I wouldn't recommend relying only on that if symptoms of tetanus occur. I'd recommend hospital care plus a high dose of IV vitamin C, and hope for the best. The patient would be hospitalized for several painful weeks even if he survived. Tetanus is believed to occur even in the healthiest, best-nourished individuals. And then after learning these facts, parents must make their choice. I think it was Dr. Michaela Glockler who said that no one who had seen an actual case of tetanus would refuse the vaccine for their children. Without mercury, of course.

david m burd

All,

Final correction: All the Dtap and Dt shots are far, far more toxic and dangerous (and disabling), compared to the probability of actual tetanus-caused illness and/or death.

david m burd

Correction to my earlier Post:

"At any rate, injected tetanus vaccines are FAR more dangerous and/or lethal compared to the DTaP
vaccines and Dt tetanus vaccinations given today." This should have read:

"At any rate, injected tetanus vaccines are FAR more dangerous and/or lethal compared to the DTaP vaccines and Dt tetanus vaccinations given today when compared to the toxicity and dangers of such vaccinations."

cia parker

I think that it is often a problem if the person you're talking with in a health care facility or an educational institution, etc., doesn't speak English well enough for others to understand them. I used to teach at the university, and there were MANY undergrads who could not understand their Spanish-speaking T.A.s. When I went back to teach in '08, the educational method had changed to one in which it was considered of no importance at all if none of the students could understand anything their teacher said in any language: sort of like the useless "chat" method to teach autistic students to use and comprehend language.

One of the things which this means is that patients have a right to be able to communicate with the health care provider, both in understanding what he or she says and being understood. I think that there must be a way of assessing the provider's competence in spoken English. If there are any complaints from patients about being unable to understand him or her, surely the patient's right to adequate health care supercedes the provider's right to a position in which patients are harmed by his or her deficient linguistic ability. And same goes for the university. Students shouldn't have to pay thousands of dollars a semester for the privilege of not understanding the teacher.

david m burd

Cia and Pete and All,

Here's some factual stats about U.S. tetanus mortality 60 years ago.

https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/pdf/10.2105/AJPH.54.5.769

Yes, there were indeed some "tetanus" deaths. BUT, who knows what lack of nutrition was THE most important factor"

At any rate, injected tetanus vaccines are FAR more dangerous and/or lethal compared to the DTaP vaccines and Dt tetanus vaccinations given today.

Five years ago I has severely lacerated my hand --- drove myself to a "top-quality" Hospital Emergency Room -- and got many stiches, And I twice REFUSED to get the offered tetanus shot (as of course not appropriate for profusely bleeding cuts that I had).

It was clear to me this "automatic" administration of tetanus shots was dogmatic, to bring more largess to the Vaccine Industry. And, Damn! the dangers of the tetanus shot excipients, that still in many of iis manifestations still include neurotoxic ethylmercury and other toxic excipients and contaminents.

Cathy Jameson

Joyce, thank you for your comment and for sharing that you are in agreement about vaccines. As the daughter and granddaughter of Hispanic immigrants, I need to tell you, though, that you are incorrect in assuming that I made fun of anyone. I did not. I did, however, include in the post that this nurse spoke with broken English. That fact was important to mention since this was not the first time medical staff, who were raised elsewhere, have also tried to bully me into getting vaccines as this nurse was attempting to do after I politely declined them. Vaccine decisions are mine to make, no one else's. Thank you for understanding, Cathy

Tracey RN

I’m thinking she was confused by the date, because your child was healthy and not running to the Drs office .. Maybe just maybe she will put two and two together .. No vaccines means healthy kids.... We can only hope and pray...

cia parker

Pete,

That's not true. The reason very few people now get tetanus is because nearly everyone has gotten a tetanus vaccine in the last forty years. It was rare to start with, but in the US before the vaccine about a thousand people a year died of it. In Third World countries, thousands of people who have not gotten the vaccine continue to die of it every year. I haven't heard any figures on how many die from being struck by meteors, but I have a feeling the figure is zero, ever, which is not the case for tetanus.

This is a link to the Bangladeshi study. There were 117 patients with tetanus all admitted to the hospital with it around the same time, available to participate in the study. The spores are carried in the digestive tract of many mammals, and excreted in their poop, where they remain latent but viable in the soil for decades. They are still around, though not as common as when many people had horses (the proverbial rusty nail was from a thrown horseshoe). Mortimer and Plotkin in Vaccines said that many people develop immunity to the disease from natural exposure, but as far as I know, there's no way to test to see if you do and not even any diagnostic test for tetanus: diagnosis is based on the symptoms. If everyone stopped getting the tetanus vaccine, our population is much larger now than it was then, and even with good wound care, thousands a year would get tetanus and many of them would die of it. The vaccine series does present some risk, so it's something that parents must think about carefully. Even hundreds a year dying of tetanus is a small figure in the big picture, but if the risk of the disease is greater than the risk from the vaccine uncoupled from the long list of recommended vaccines, I think the risk of the vaccine is very small if it is given without the pertussis component, but the vaccine risk IS present, as well as the risk of getting a severe or fatal case of tetanus.

http://www.mv.helsinki.fi/home/hemila/CT/Jahan_1984_bm.pdf
117

Tim Lundeen

There is evidence that Vitamin C cures and prevents tetanus. See Dr Levy's book, Curing the Incurable: Vitamin C, Infectious Diseases, and Toxins.

Barry

An eye-opening quote from Dr. Blaylock about tetanus and the vaccine:-

“Your risk of getting tetanus is less than being hit by a meteor. Unfortunately, doctors recommend the shot with little knowledge of real risk of the disease or complications from the vaccine.

***********

An equally eye opening perspective comes from an article by Ellen Bolte titled " Does tetanus play a role in autism? "(http://www.whale.to/vaccines/autism_tetanus.html).

In it she points to some eerie similarities between the symptoms of autism, and those of a subacute infection of tetanus.

The final sentence of the article actually reads: "Parents, doctors, and researchers must combine efforts to determine if some people diagnosed as autistic are actually suffering from unrecognized forms of subacute tetanus."

Pete

An eye-opening quote from Dr. Blaylock about tetanus and the vaccine:-

“Your risk of getting tetanus is less than being hit by a meteor. Unfortunately, doctors recommend the shot with little knowledge of real risk of the disease or complications from the vaccine.

Tetanus comes from exposing deep puncture wounds to soil contaminated with animal feces. Cleaning a wound with a mix of peroxide and betadine will kill all tetanus organisms.

The tetanus vaccine has one of the highest complication rates of any vaccine — equal to that of the hepatitis B and Gardasil vaccines. The evidence suggests that such vaccines among older persons can increase one’s risk of a number of neurological disorders. “

John Stone

Joyce,

I think Cathy was just recalling an incident in which someone had "broken English" but it would be wrong to infer that there was any attitude based on this - I have been working on this website with Cathy for a decade and I find the idea unimaginable (speaking as an Englishman)!

John

Joyce Davila

I agree with your posture on vaccines but resent your making fun of broken English and third world country medical personnel as if the reason they were giving you a hard time was because the are not "american"....which is not true...but rather because that is what they are taught, in the US and many other parts of the world. We want acceptance and respect for our beliefs that are different from the norm...we should respect others that are different than us too.

cia parker

While tetanus was fairly rare outside of battlefield conditions (with horse manure around) even before the vaccine, there were about 2000 cases a year in the US, about half of them fatal. My father saw a man die of tetanus in his father's doctor's office when he was about twelve, in Louisiana, where the hot, humid conditions made tetanus more common. But it is such a terrible disease, and always possible, the tetanus spores having been found in every environment all around the world, that I think it's reasonable if a parent wants to get their child the DT series after the age of two. No pertussis, ever. About half of tetanus cases are caused by mild, inapparent wounds, like a prick from a rose thorn or a splinter.

The vaccine protocol says that vaccine protection after the initial five-shot series by five years old will protect for at least ten years, after which you're supposed to get a booster every ten years. But vaccine protection has been shown to last at least forty years, at least in many people. The vaccine protocol calls for a booster if a patient suffers a tetanus-prone wound and it's been five years since the last tetanus vaccination. As in all cases, a lot depends on the individual and the individual circumstances, which are not subject to a cut-and-dried protocol, but I don't think we have enough knowledge to predict or guarantee a positive outcome in any case, with or without the vaccine. Even now, even with the best of hospital treatment, tetanus mortality is between 10 and 50%, and it's a very painful disease.

The DT series, without mercury, is probably the safest of the vaccines, along with the injected polio series (if polio came back here). That is a relative statement, and any vaccine can always cause serious or fatal damage, but so can the diseases. Giving sufficient IV vitamin C has been shown to save 100% of the lives of those with clinical tetanus in Bangladeshi children with tetanus (most of those not given C, only the standard treatment, died), and that might be the way parents chose to go. Not getting the vaccine, cleaning wounds well, and going to the hospital if symptoms of tetanus ever appear, insisting on IV vitamin C as part of the treatment (good luck with that!). There is also a homeopathic nosode to prevent tetanus, and ledum palustre is an effective treatment for tetanus if given soon enough.

All I can say is that all parents must know all of these facts and then make their choice.

Pete

Great to see you letting more people know about the tetanus immunoglobulin, also tetanus is so incredibly rare and unlikely in a healthy individual with clean wounds, the DTP is likely causing thousands of times more damage than any benefit the vaccine could bring. The vaccine is linked with crib death (SIDS) and asthma, people die of asthma every day in the USA, most of that should be going down as vaccine deaths. Instead we worry about someone with 90% burns who dies of tetanus, and somehow justify causing absolute carnage by mass vaccinating with DPT, bringing reduced life expectancy, all for those rare cases.

Grace Green

As an autistic person, these kind of interactions fascinate me. You see, we take language literally, and I would happily answer the nurse's question with, yes, that date's correct. Her hints would have been completely beyond my comprehension. That's probably why we're so hated - people most likely think we're being deliberately obstructive when we mean to be helpful. But sometimes I think being this way can be quite an advantage, and spare us a lot of stress! You describe the situation so well, Cathy - it could be a scene from Jane Austen!

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