Challenging Autism
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Women's Rights. Girls' Rights. Safety and Consent.

Bully GirlBy Kim Rossi

There was a petition from Change.org in my in-box this weekend. Lauren's Law in Oklahoma seeks educational funds to teach high school students about informed consent regarding sexual relations.

"Lauren was raped by a boy she knew from school. She was shocked to find out he had no idea what legal consent was."

HB2734 will allow for the development of age appropriate programs on consent and healthy relationship behavior. These programs will teach students about consent and how to recognize and prevent relationship violence, including physical and emotional relationship abuse. It will also address relationship communication skills, emotional health, and accountability.

Federal funds are available for this consent and safe relationship education to be implemented at the state level through Title IV-A of the Every Student Succeeds Act. Under the last administration, the White House Council on Women and Girls Report estimated the cost of rape to be as high as $240,776 per incident, including medical services, investigations, loss of productivity, and quality of life. With the high cost of assault and federal funding available, there’s no excuse not to protect and educate our kids.

Let’s do this for Lauren, the young women we started our movement for, and all the survivors who hope for a better world.

I have three daughters. I want to protect them at all costs.   If I had sons, I'd want to protect them too. As a martial artist, I teach self defense to boys, girls, women and men. We teach children how to prevent bullying.  We also teach children how NOT TO BECOME a bully.  We teach kids how to win. And we teach them how to lose. I think teaching them how NOT to become a bully and how to lose is the more important lesson. And sorely lacking in much of their teaching outside of the dojo. I would like to see schools teach martial arts self-defense to students, then girls can show boys what NO means with their fists. There is a time for fighting. We've lost that in our zero tolerance culture.

With that in mind, I am in favor of classes to teach boys and girls what "NO" means.  Dating is nothing like it was when a cute boy and I exchanged a note written in ink in the hallway. Or when a boy whispered to a boy who whispered to a girl who whispered to another girl who whispered to me that he liked me.  Bonne Bell Lip Smackers are the thing of the past, replaced by swiping left and right or sexting while Mom and Dad are in the living room watching a Seinfeld rerun.  The dog eared Playboy hidden away has been replaced by 24/7 on demand porn the likes of which was never aired in the seediest Times' Square XXX theatre decades ago.



But this isn't a Puritanical post by a woman from the home of the Puritans. It's about the crux of this bill.  CONSENT.  The Oklahoma lawmakers are saying that school children deserve to be taught about informed legal consent.   But what about students' rights for vaccination? That's where their rights end.  Laws from coast to coast seek to take away parental rights to informed choice and consent. High School seniors who are 18 are unable to really make free medical choices because of the vaccination demands of college.  I think they deserve to make their own choices and have full consent, not the one sided fear mongering campaigns of death and doom crushing conversation.

After each shooting I talk about how today's kids seem to have diminished critical thinking skills and that they lack the neurological fortitude to decide right from wrong.  Bullying is out of control. Cruel, vicious and malicious interactions with the intent to shame, embarrass, harm and harass are rampant.  School shootings are an extreme example of a male who likely knows that murdering staff and classmates in cold blood is wrong, but who is unable to stop the rage and perseveration that drives him to the final denouement. In my day, the seniors dumped the freshmen upside down in trash cans. Maybe a swirly (look it up kids.) Neither were considered nice or particularly condoned. But they felt more "rite of passage" than "I want to really harm you." Perhaps not to the boys who ended up wiping trash can detritus out of their hair, or drying their faces in the bathroom.  It just felt different.

The good news is that misogyny is being exposed to daylight in many areas of American culture. From Hollywood to the horror of the USA Gymnastics team, we're waking up to the fact that INDUSTRY takes advantage of girls and women to make money. Everywhere. I hope that we Moms in the vaccine injury community, and our daughters, will have a seat at the table of women's rights.   I wonder if anyone will consent to that? Let’s do this for Mia, Gianna and Bella.

Kim Rossi is Managing Editor of Age of Autism.


Comments

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Hans Litten

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5315715/Girl-17-left-PARALYSED-given-HPV-jab.html

Student, 17, claims she was left PARALYSED after being given the controversial HPV jab which is offered to all teenage girls

Meanwhile Julie Gerberding MM earns woman of the year award !

Linda1

Cia,
Not all campuses are the same. I'm talking about campuses where getting drunk is promoted. I'm not talking about "social drinking" or moderation. Supermarkets in non college towns should not be different than supermarkets in college towns. At least not as different as they are. Some young adults will resist the culture. Others will be swept up in doing what is expected of them in order to fit in and to comply as they've been taught since the age of 5, which is a shame and in my mind, a social crime against our youth.

Drinking never made me feel good. Always made me sick. Just to say that it isn't the same for everyone, but that is neither here nor there.

cia parker

Linda,

But what can they do? Once they're 18, they're adults, and there is a constitutional right to freedom of speech and of the press. Of course the alcohol industry will try to sell its products. But I think the culture is mostly created by the kids. Frat parties have been infamous for many decades now, but I don't think there are any university officials pushing them to abuse alcohol, hazing, or rape. Keggers have always been part of university culture, but I think the reason is that it's initially fun and liberating to become intoxicated. The alcoholic woman I referred to the other day said that the reason she drank was that it made her feel like dancing. And it does (initially), it makes you feel like laughing and dancing, everything you say becomes clever and funny. I remember being surprised at how fluent my Spanish became when I was tipsy, what a perfect native accent I acquired. Really. I think my mind normally has unconscious inhibitions pushing me toward an English standard as being the "correct" accent, but alcohol dissolves these inhibitions, and unconsciously my tongue "knows" what a native accent sounds like.

Universities could have an Alcohol Awareness Day, and they have had similar events. I remember the ripped-apart frame of a car from an fatal DWI accident on display. I remember a movie in high school showing shots of mangled, bloody bodies after such an accident. One girl was decapitated when her head went through the windshield while drunk and without a seatbelt. And of course there are many, many true accounts of girls raped and worse while drunk, frat hazing which resulted in death, many accidents like falling out a window because the kid was drunk.

But ultimately, it's up to the kids themselves. You can't expect old heads on young shoulders, but you can give the information, and then let them make their own decisions. There really is no other choice. I studied, then worked, many years doing both, at the university here. There is NO advertising of alcoholic beverages allowed, and it's illegal for those under 21 (most of the students). But ultimately, every student who has ever drunk a glass of anything knows that in moderation, drinking makes you feel very good. That's reality, and I don't think you can contradict reality.

cia parker

My family was similar. My father's father was an alcoholic, my father said he was a holy terror when he was drunk. His parents had bought the plantation house of Cornland Plantation, Reserve, Louisiana, and he told me that when he was very small they had had a party during Prohibition there with a line of guests who made newly arrived guests crawl between their legs through a "spanking machine." Must have already been drunk. He never told me any details about his father's alcoholism, but I never saw my father drink until I was grown and wanted to drink wine with holiday dinners. Both my parents warned me about the dangers of drinking, but I think they exaggerated. I like drinking wine when I'm eating with friends, which isn't more than once or twice a year. Moderate drinking, no problems. Good for your heart.

Linda1

Hi Cia,
What I'm saying is that alcohol is pushed on these college kids like heroin dealers hanging around school yards.

It is literally expected of them in spoken and unspoken messages. They don't have to go out of their way to get it. It is handed to them, shoved in their face, as part of the college culture - a culture created not by the kids, but by the colleges in cahoots with the alcohol industry. It is disgusting.

Bayareamom

..."And we talked about how people will find illegal ways to satisfy desires such as that for alcohol whether it is legal or not..."

My paternal grandfather was an alcoholic. He was a great man in other ways and had many gifts which were never fully realized due to his issues with alcohol. Fortunately, none of his children, which included my father, carried on w/this particular trait (but thankfully carried on with some of my grandfather's other gifts). I never once saw my dad lift up a can of beer. He eschewed any and all alcohol in his life - his entire life. He witnessed the ravages of alcoholism in his daily life as a kid growing up on a scale most people might not understand.

So I've shared this info. w/our young son, when it was time and when it was age appropriate. I also shared with our son the issues with smoking and how this also can pose serious health risks. Unfortunately, my (at the time) young son of 5 years witnessed his maternal grandmother being carted out of our home w/oxygen mask strapped to her as she found herself unable to breathe, due to emphysema and bronchitis.

He's never forgotten the EMT unit who had to come to my mom's home that night. He was again - five years old; that made a huge impression on him.

So you find the need to teach your children at some point some of the real issues they will all have to confront at some point in their life time. It's not pleasant to have to sit down w/one's child and run over this morbid facts of life with them, but it's something every parent should do. Of course, teaching them via example on a daily basis is also a part of this parenting issue.

When our son turned 21 years old, his many friends took him out to celebrate. He came home late that night. I sort of teasingly asked him how his night went and asked if he'd allowed himself his first beer.

His answer was priceless. He turned to me and said that he did not have his first beer or anything else to drink for that matter. They'd all gone out to their usual hangout for burgers, etc., and then to a movie.

He's never had a cigarette either (thinks smoking is disgusting).

I am not saying that all kids are going to listen when you explain to them the issues with some of these things, but I do believe that discussion AND role modeling the behavior you expect to see from them, helps more than one might suspect.

Whether male or female, we all need to learn about responsible behavior and consequences when we know we're doing something we shouldn't do. The blame game can only go so far.

Treating all human beings and animals w/respect, including those who cannot do for themselves, is something all children should learn at their parents' knees, but that is something that isn't happening in many children's lives these days, unfortunately.

cia parker

Linda,
We studied Prohibition in our homeschooling last month. For a couple of weeks I started every discussion (just repeating the same thing and asking the same questions over and over, giving checks when my daughter answered correctly), by referring to a woman my daughter knows who's an alcoholic, then mentioning the many problems brought by alcoholism: ravaged health and premature death, often from liver failure, rages and stupor, the inability to function as a responsible, loving wife, husband, parent, son or daughter, employee, irresponsibility on the job, being fired, homelessness, malnutrition, drunk driving, killing innocent people in accidents, etc. etc. Then we talked about the desire of many Americans to solve these problems with Prohibition. And we talked about how people will find illegal ways to satisfy desires such as that for alcohol whether it is legal or not. And we talked about the black market, gangsterism, Al Capone, the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, speakeasies and bootleg booze. And how the 18th Amendment was eventually repealed and alcohol made legal again. We talked about how now there's a black market and gangsterism to being many Americans the illegal drugs they want.

Alcohol is just always going to attract many young people. We can try to enforce existing laws against underage drinking more harshly or expand campaigns to make sure they realize the dangers that abuse of alcohol creates. I don't think we can or should do more than that.

Science is pure.  People are corrupt.

When the current generation of parents were in their teens, the questions were asked as to whether a girl who had drunk too much was capable of consent to sex and whether a boy who had drunk too much was capable of determining whether a girl had drunk too much to be capable of consenting to sex.

Now, the questions need to be asked as to whether a girl is too brain damaged to consent to sex and whether a boy is too brain damaged to understand when a girl is capable of consenting to sex.

Last month Barack Obama said in an interview that we live in the best time in history to be born. He cannot have looked out from his ivory tower for a long time.

Linda1

About drinking, underage and otherwise -
Certain American college towns openly promote, push, market, alcohol consumption as a social norm. Visit any supermarket in these towns and you will find large refrigerated keg rooms at the front of the store, aisle upon aisle upon aisle again, at the front of the store, lined with wine and beer, near large young adult friendly beer displays. This in their face enculturation is not in any way opposed by the universities. They look the other way.

Another example of children being exploited and sold for profit.

2 much booze

Correction! I meant to write 10% of all drinking in the U.S. is underage drinkers. Still too high a number.

go Trump

A bit off topic but a few things for the President to do at the State of the Union Address.

Appoint RFK Jr. to head a Vaccine Safety Commission.

Invite and introduce Dr. William Thompson of the CDC.
Announce full scale Criminal investigations into Fraud at the CDC with Autism / MMR vaccine studies.

Demand that the CDC determine IF Autism Rates for “Vaccinated and Un-vaccinated children” are the SAME. ( a 1999 request by Congress )

Test the mercury vaccine preservative Thimerosal to modern standards. ( It was grandfathered into vaccine use 70 years ago )

Announce a “worldwide manhunt” for Dr. Poul Thorsen of the CDC. Void all his work.

END ANY and ALL vaccine mandates across the United States.

Announced the END the 1986 “Vaccine Court” creation ......... Onward !!!

annie

I challenge Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Kimmel, and John Oliver to a public debate.
Topic: HPV vaccine safety.
I believe that aformentioned would be on the side of yea.
I am on the side of nay!
I would be most grateful to anyone who would want to help me out.

Chelsea and Jimmy and John do not approve of this message, obviously.

Bayareamom

A caveat: I actually have been assaulted, but I was stone cold sober. Rape can happen obviously under any type of circumstance, but you really risk the chance of something happening when you behave irresponsibly - male OR female.

If you know how people generally behave (especially young students in a party setting), and know that booze is going to be present, just understand what the consequences are for all persons involved with that combo.

Understand the risks/consequences...

Bayareamom

.."All guys should know that group sex at a party is not a good idea even if everyone's sober, but they may regret it if the woman involved is drunk..."

I have had this conversation with my husband at some length. At the risk of perhaps taking a slightly unpopular viewpoint, I personally feel that ALL parties, male and female, need to behave responsibly. And that would include staying sober, not drinking, most especially while underage and in a group setting.

Having said this, I am not excusing the behavior of these young men, but at the same time, a girl needs to understand her own responsibility re staying sober, or at the minimum, knowing when to stop drinking (when legal - shouldn't be happening at all if she's underage). Same goes for boys.

I'm sure most of us here (or at least some of us) can remember our carefree youth and some of the mistakes we've all probably made along the way. While I never got into the drinking scene, I did have my moments when I was careless. I was lucky that nothing untoward happened to me, but I really put myself into a couple of situations that could have turned out very badly.

if I had a daughter, I would personally counsel her not just about not just sex, but about responsible behavior. Period.

But that's just my opinion...

2 much booze

What's wrong with this sentence? "Morgan was hosting because her parents were out of town so they had the place to themselves."

I'd like to see a law that would put Morgan's parents behind bars for allowing this to occur. All that Morgan's parents needed to do was install and turn on video cameras when they left town, and teens would not be playing beer pong on their dining room table, puking all over their house and having sex in their bedrooms. That's where the main culpability should lie. It's not rocket science to stop that from happening in your house. It really isn't. Parents turn a blind eye and allow it to happen because they want to be "cool."

Another issue here is the teen alcohol epidemic. 90% of all alcohol consumption in the U.S. is by underage drinkers, and has been for decades. The alcohol industry banks on teens drinking, and our legislators help the alcohol industry by allowing booze ads on childen's television programming!
Alcohol makes teens more likely to have sex (consensual and non-consensual), more inclined to forget what was said or done, more likely to pass out, less inclined to use good judgement, and more in danger of being raped or accused of rape. ( Not to mention more likely to die on the road.) Let's hold parents accountable for teens drinking at unsupervised parties under their roofs and let's pass some legislation to make it harder for the alcohol industry to profit from kids drinking.

Consent - or lack of consent - is extremely difficult to prove, as this story demonstrates. The case was dropped due to lack of evidence. Let's, as a society, try to eliminate situations and limit substances that contribute to nightmare scenarios for teens.

cia parker

Dude,
You're right that if the woman drove while drunk, she's be responsible for any deaths or property damage she caused. But it's one thing to cause damage while driving, and another to have someone force himself on her while drunk. All guys should know that group sex at a party is not a good idea even if everyone's sober, but they may regret it if the woman involved is drunk.

cia parker

Bill,

A woman who is drunk can't give informed consent. It is taking advantage of her to have sex with her in that condition. Can autistic kids take drugs or drink alcohol? Can children below the age of reason do so? They would not be considered responsible for their action in doing it: the adult enabling their acquisition of the substance would bear the responsibility.

Dude

Um, I am sorry, but I gotta ask. If she was smashed drunk, does she even know if she was raped or not? I mean, if she got smashed, drove a car, and killed some people while driving drunk, she would be responsible for their deaths because she knew what she was doing when she got drunk, she knew it could impair her judgement, but did it anyway. To a degree the same logic could be applied here ONLY if she got smashed and willingly had sex with the guy and then later decided she regretted it and thus determined it to be "rape". But, if he forced himself on her, or did it while she was unconcious, then, of course, it would really be rape.

So, what happened here?

And what are you calling "consent"?

The only real way to fix these situations is for people to stop getting smash drunk, and for people to stop having sex while drunk. Both will be difficult to stop as thousands of years of human stupidity have proven. Getting smashed and having sex has long been a common behavior.

Could we have some actual detail on this story? I mean.... seriously, detail would help.

Boys should know the risk of being falsely accused, and girls should know the risk of being actually raped when smash drunk. And this is why people should not get drunk.

bob moffit

"I have three daughters. I want to protect them at all costs. If I had sons, I'd want to protect them too."

I wholeheartedly agree .. our sons need protection too .. for instance .. the vigorous prosecution of the all male Duke University Lacrosse team .. based upon a false allegation of rape.

I also wholeheartedly agree we ought never return to those days when women making serious allegations of sexual assault and harassment were routinely ignored or otherwise punished for "speaking up" .. my only caveat being .. just like everyone should be guaranteed "informed consent" ... everyone accused deserves "due process" allowing the accused to defend himself/herself in a court of law.

Linda1

Kids should be taught about the law, all law, not just pertaining to sex. As adults in this country, they should know what the rules are. But they don't. And if they want or need to find out, they often are stuck having to pay $300/hour to an attorney to learn what they really should have been taught in school.

Sitting here wondering if there were any generations before me who instead of yearning for lost youth, were glad that they were old. That's how I feel. So sorry for the world the young have inherited.

Donna L.

Oh, Bill, I don't even know where to begin. So I won't. The point here is that EVERYONE - whether autistic or neurotypical, sober or falling down drunk, female or male, (including the male freshman getting held upside down and getting a swirly) - has the basic human right to not be physically or sexually violated. Period.

Lauren's Law, in my opinion, is a no-brainer. Teach kids when they are young how to prevent physical, emotional and sexual violence. As an added bonus, some of them just may grow up to work in the healthcare field as adults and truly understand that "No" means NO.
Win-win for all of us.

Han Litten

http://ubnradio.com/shows/highwire-with-del-bigtree/

Del comes clean about 2018, thinning the elderly population with flu shots.

cia parker

Bill,

I think that all rapists know what legal consent is and that they are behaving both illegally and immorally when they rape a girl. In some cases, he may have genuinely but mistakenly thought that she really wanted it, and I guess those cases would have to be considered on the merits of the individual case. And in some cases, he may be so resentful that she let it get so far without objecting, that he feels he has a right to proceed regardless of her feelings. And I think that would have to be considered as making it less heinous a case of rape, though still a crime. Not as bad as grabbing her in an alley.

Are autistic girls capable of giving informed consent to sexual relations? High-functioning ones no doubt are. But moderately to severely affected girls are not. Do they grasp that they might easily get pregnant, when they are incapable of raising a child? Catch an STD? I think that it is difficult for many to most typical young girls to enjoy sex at the beginning: it takes a lot of practice and sources of outside information and advice to learn to do so. It would be terrifying and painful for girls with none of these cultural supports. My daughter is cognitively and developmentally like a young child, although she's nearly 18. Are young children capable of giving informed consent to sex? Young children in an adult body? I knew a guy in Italy who shocked me when he said that he thought little girls were capable of giving informed consent. It still makes my skin crawl to remember that and to write it.

Bill

Well, that was interesting. I just finished reading about the incident that lead to "Lauren's Law", and on a website called "babe". "Babe", in other words, what men call a sexually attractive woman. It seems Lauren got smash-face, blackout-level DRUNK at a high school party, and that's where this alleged "rape" occurred. I can see the guy getting convicted of "felonious sexual assault", but I don't agree that "rape" is the best, most accurate term for what happened. Because, without the sex, *she* could be convicted of underage possession and consumption of alcohol! Maybe we should instead of teaching boys about consent, we should be teaching girls not to get smash-face drunk! OK, teach both.
Do our Autistic children, as adults, have a right to drink alcohol, or do other drugs? God knows most have been on several drugs by adulthood, with often dubious results.
No, I don't have any final answers, but I DO think this is a valuable conversation....

Bill

WHEW! What a way to start a Monday! First, I can't really disagree with anything you're saying, Kim. But there are some caveats. We're trying to make important decisions here, based on the very sketchy and incomplete information of a single anecdote. All I (or we) really know, is, "Lauren lived in Oklahoma, and was raped by a boy she knew from school. She was shocked to find he didn't know what "legal consent" was!" That's pretty stupid. He *raped* *her*! OF COURSE he doesn't know what "legal consent" is! If he DID know what "legal consent" was, he wouldn't have raped her! How stupid are you people? Are you so emotionally "outraged", that you can't think straight? Can't think logically and rationally?
And what are the details of this "rape"? was it 2 very under-age kids having inappropriate sex? Was it a violent, forceful rape, or did he coerce her into having sex, and her age justifies the more serious word "rape"? There's just too many missing details to form a clearer, more accurate picture. And how many details could I find, even if I did the on-line research?
Another issue is that these things should be taught by *parents*, not the schools. OK, yeah, I know how many negligent parents there are out there, ok? So the schools should teach this. OK. But wait, you mean they are NOT already teaching this? What happened to "sex education" in the schools?
And "cia parker", in her comment above, raises several OTHER relevant points. This whole discussion just gets even more difficult and complicated when the issue of Autism, or other disability enters the picture. Do our disabled children, as adults, have a right to a sex life?
I agree with one thing, Kim. Things *seemed* better and easier back in the "good old days"!
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

annie

The very first experience that the vast majority of children born in this country will have is witnessing their mother being bullied by a know nothing pediatrician and /or nurse into having something injected into them. And we wonder why we have a problem with bullying and consent.

cia parker

I don't think a boy capable of having sex on a girl with moderate or severe autism would be reached by any class instruction on this. There have been men who impregnated women in a coma at the hospital. A man was arrested a couple of months ago at a park in Germany for having sex with a donkey in front of parents with small children. Another man traumatized a twelve-year old boy at a swimming pool by raping him in the dressing room. He said he had a sexual "emergency," being separated from his wife. A class is for basically decent individuals who may benefit from suggestions on drawing the line between appropriate and inappropriate.

I don't think this would be a good use of federal funds. We're going to need all the federal funds we can get just to feed, clothe, and house our autistic children. Any man who rapes them should be thrown into prison under existing laws.

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