The Best Gifts for Father's Day are the Simplest.

By Tim Welsh

I never seem to go for the popularity vote. I know that there are many "bad" Fathers in the world. On Father's Day, I thought it would be appropriate to submit my very first post to Age of Autism. I want write about the way Dads are hard wired, dealing with Warrior Mothers and the path of Autism Recovery.
    
On a special day in June men are given a day to rest, relax, play, eat, watch sports, take a nap, and be king of the castle. Other than making love (For women) & Crazy Sex (guys words), that sums up the simple mind of the human male. One thing at one time.  If the list becomes more than three go back to the beginning and start over.  In life and business there are only two paths. You are either growing and improving or stagnant, declining, and dying. The world stops for nothing or no one. The status quo is only a way of viewing the world through rose colored glasses as it passes you by.
    
We all must invest more into our marriage, family, friends, and life. The battle is all we have. As has been said many times before life is not a dress rehearsal? We are on stage now and the curtain has risen. Small victories are huge victories and gifts from God. The Random "Hi Daddy", peeing or pooping in the right place, a hug, a kiss, or his wonderful smile.
    
It has taken years to learn these lessons from my son. Men in families must admit we not as strong as a mother fighting for her child. We do not have all the answers. We cannot fix many things when it comes to Autism.

It is amazing to me how well the team works under pressure of an "Event" Tanner getting sick, poop flying, or him escaping out a door. 

Battle stations are assumed instantaneously. In those moments pure love and coordination between my wife and I. No time to argue.
     
We all have many faults. There are many hurt feelings. I know that there are evil men out there again who have left the mother warriors in the dust. This message is still for asking them to step up to the plate. Starting today ladies and men take a deep breath and look at the big picture on the day dedicated to Dads. Life is short. 

Be kinder each day. Hold hands, smile, hug, kiss, and say "Hi Honey." 

Learn from Tanner. Simple gifts mean so much year round from our children. Why not share that spirit with our loved ones..
    
In no way am I saying I get any of this right. I mess up daily. 

As we remember Father's Day and the July 4th anniversary of Tanners last full sentence?  "My name is Tanner. My name is Tanner." I hope these lessons learned fighting the good fight help you in your marriage. Breath & Love.

Tim Welsh, Aka TannersDad, is an "older father" of Tanner (who turns 12 this November.) He suffered two heart attacks at 38 and moved his family back to the family farm area for support from Family, Church, and Friends. Tim has been an active voice in autism advocacy for the last six years. He fights for vaccine safety, insurance reform, fiduciary responsibility of donated funds, Services across all ages, and many other areas.

Comments

[Tim Kasemodel]

Tim,

Thank you so much for your words, you speak for me in so many ways.

I am a man of many faults, but a steadfast support for my son is not one of them.

I understand the glory of the random word and the pooping. I remember when someone asked if my son is toilet trained (also 12 years old) and I declared yes!!! he poops in a diaper - isn't that wonderful???

The look of confusion can only come from one who does not understand just how cool that could be - I remember when I celebrated pooping on the floor NEXT to the toilet (close as he ever got) as a beautiful thing. so easy to clean up. Most dads do not understand that a child may have developed an association of pain with the toilet, as the average age of "toilet training" coincided with the most severe gastro issues that child had ever had in his life. We autism dads understand that stuff in ways that those dads who left it up to mom or Grandma (or simply left) never could.

We have seen rough times and wonderful times as our family has grown with autism in our midst. Many of my friends and co-workers say "I could not do it, you are a Saint". I only can humbly admit that I believe that they would do the same if they were in my shoes, and that many more parents deal with much worse.

To all the fathers who thought that they could not deal with a time that they saw as unbearable, I say, they are missing the moments, precious few as the may seem, that are the most joyous of all.

Bert. (from Sesame Street)

Apple.

Hurry up.

Done yet.

Words, although heard a thousand times a week, are precious from the mouth of a child who stopped speaking and now can do so thanks to a few brave docs.

Can a "normal dad" even come close to understanding the blessings we share in fraternity we did not expect to join?

Thank you Tanners Dad!

[Tanners Dad]

Thank you everyone for your kind sentiments. I hope everyone had a great day. Kevin I really do agree that there is a deeper meaning beyond the kicking back part. I have never really been able to be that king of the castle. Not with dealing with what we deal with. I think about direction and coordination when told to do so... I better not write anymore or I will show my true colors and have all the women made at me:)!

[Kevin D]

When the curtain rises, some step up to the mic, some take the easy way out and run off the stage.

Not so in REAL men. Part of the "growing path" includes change and being able to adjust. Roll with the punches, get up again, and get beaten down again. Such is autism where tomorrow may be a "breakthrough" day! A day which I want to be there for!

We work as a team with our partners. And you're right, one day our partners aren't having a good one and we have to be there to pick it up. Father's Day is not just about relaxing and kickin' back, it's a day to think about direction, coordination, remembrance and appreciation.

[Cherry Sperlin Misra]

Thankyou Tim, and Happy Father's Day.

[Louise Kuo Habakus]

God bless you, Tim. The beauty and wisdom of your words come shining through... a gift for all of us, moms and dads and grandparents and people in families who love each other. Mother warriors are fierce, it is true. Whether it's a mother lion, mother dinosaur or mother bird, there is nature in nurture... much of it is visceral and instinctual and the rest is sheer determination. But I will be the first to admit that mothers don't always create space for the fathers. Not on purpose. But in the crazy making of all the doing, we sometimes forget. And this is nothing short of tragic. Because the fathers are also fierce, heroic, brave, brilliant and wonderful. Fathers parent differently than mothers. Fathers often have different talents and skills. And like it or not, this world of ours, driven by commerce and power, responds preferentially to the male voice. My father remains a pillar of support to me today, as steadfast and loving as ever. My husband is the greatest hero I've ever known for the many ways big and small that he has held our family together. Let's hear it for the fathers.

[Isaac's Grandma]

Wow! I meant to say 50 some years later! LOL!!!! But still..... You all get the point don't you?

[Isaac's Grandma]

Hey Tim,
Bless you on this Father's Day! While some may have run, you are still fighting along with your wife. I have a Grandson with severe Autism and my daughter has been pretty much alone for awhile.

It's refreshing to see so many Father's that are willing to go the "extra mile."

My Father is one of those guys. My Mom fell in love with him when she was in high school. She use to wait outside of his classroom..just to make him notice her. Sixty some years later..six kids... 16 grandkids...and I lost count of the Great-Grandkids....He is still here. He still talks to us every day just to make sure we are ok, because, he knows that our lives are filled with so much.

My husband and I "reconnected" in ways I can't explain when our Grandson Isaac was diagnosed. Since then, nothing else matters except the well being of our children and grandchildren. (we are working on Grandchild 5 now...finally...a girl!!) Even when it seems like my husband doesn't "pay attention" to what is going on....I know that he tries to, and I know that he loves us all very deeply.

Thank You for such a beautiful post!
Happy Fathers Day!

[Gatogorra]

Thank you so much, Tim. I always enjoy your comments and thoughts and it's so nice to see your byline here. I hope we'll be hearing even more from you.

[dan olmsted]

Tim -- thanks for the great post and your ongoing commitment to kids and to age of autism. and happy father's day! -- dan

[mark h]

wise words Tim,
happy dads day

[kathleen]

happy father's day to all the warrior dads:)
Hope today is wonderful!!!

[Twyla]

Thanks, Tim, for a wonderful fathers' day post, as well as for many great comments throughout the year.

Happy Fathers' Day to all fathers, and very best wishes to every family!

[Wade Rankin]

Well said Tim.

[Teresa Conrick]

Happy Father's Day Tim and all of the AoA dads!

Your message is a good one for any family but especially when autism is involved. The amount of love, devotion and warrior deeds that go with being a father to a child with autism is an amazing combination and a combo that is seen here on AoA regularly.

Hope it is a nice day for all of you!

[Mom4Truth]

A beautiful message. Happy Father's Day, Tanner's Dad, and all the Father Warriors!

[candace passino]

what a real message..for all grown-ups..the curtain is up..so true..my heart has a prayer for your family. justin my son 11 will spend dads day with me as dad lives n carolina it use to make me really angry how he left ..but thru the years ive engaged him in different ways to be supportive..he is defintely a dress rehersal person..where as i am a exhausted town crier..advocate..nurse, mother ect.ect...but my son loves him ..and in his world dad makes no mistakes..or alot less than me..and that is ok..its good..really...happy fathers day to all dads..love people,not things..candace