The Big Fart

By Kent Heckenlively, Esq.

Linda and I decided we needed to get out and see our friends.  Maybe some of you have gone through similar instances where you felt as if your child’s autism has walled you off from the people you enjoyed so much in the past.

There was the cost of a baby-sitter which we couldn’t really afford, but visions of Jack Nicholson in “The Shining” (All work and no play make Jack a dull boy!) rampages went through my mind.

And so we reconnected with our daughter’s godparents.  I’ve known the husband since I was fifteen, and our wives have known each other for fourteen years.  In the pre-children era we got together every Friday night for Chinese food and to watch “The X-Files” with Mulder and Scully battling government conspiracies.  Most days now I feel like Fox Mulder and my lovely wife probably feels like Dana Scully.  We make a good team and that sustains us even in the face of so much indifference from the world.

But getting together with our friends was supposed to be a night to forget all that.  These were our friends who always have great stories about the rich and powerful.  He works as a high-powered consultant advising Hewlett-Packard and Google, while she’s the new chief of staff for a California assembly-woman.

And they didn’t disappoint.  The husband was full of stories of corporate malfeasance, how so many businessmen couldn’t think beyond their nose, and the wife was full of stories of rank incompetence in the government.  It was their typical take on life, a skeptical view of the world which so often ran poorly, but gave them a chance to set things right.

Then I went and did it.

I tried to link their stories about corruption and stupidity in business and incompetence in government to the vaccine-autism issue.  You know, the doctors thought it was a good idea to load kids up with vaccines against as many diseases as possible, but they never thought to check to see if all those vaccines in combination were safe, and now they feel like they can't go back to look at the question because if they do it'll all fall apart. Totally in keeping with the theme of the evening, right?

What I got back were blank stares.

It was as if I’d let out the biggest fart imaginable, but nobody at the table wanted to acknowledge it.  I felt like I was in one of those movies in which the screen shows a lively dinner conversation, and suddenly the sound goes mute.  (Insert crickets chirping.) I think I might have even appreciated a little fight because that would've shown they were at least engaged in the subject, but I didn’t get a thing.  Linda tried to help out, but that didn't go anywhere, either.  Our friends just let the smell pass and moved onto other topics.

Later that night I couldn’t stop thinking about why this issue creates such an effect on people.  My friends aren’t secretly receiving payments from the pharmaceutical companies.  They generally have a skeptical view of business and government, even though they work in those areas.  They can in no way be described as Kool-Aid drinkers. But when I raise the possibility that the medical community has injured our children it's as if I've committed an unpardonable offense.

And I guess that’s the question for us.  How do we make this issue resonate with people in the same ways that they casually accept that businesspeople sometimes make stupid decisions and politicians often lie?

I don’t have an answer just yet, but I feel a little better knowing what the problem is.

Kent Heckenlively is the Legal Editor of Age of Autism (And not usually gassy.)

Comments

[Kathy Blanco]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRO6RTsbcjo&feature=related

Just watching this, you see the hopelesss of the education, because frankly we have been so indocrinated to think vaccines are safe, can be made safe, or can be put on asafer schedule. Everyone has to make up their own mind where they stand, but lets make sure we have waivers!!!!! That is our biggest threat yet.

Remember, a mindless population gets to this point, when lies are told over and over, emphasized, commercialized with soundbites of untruths, and lastly, we are all toxic and anesthesized by fluoride. Fluroide anesthesizes your capability to question. Mercury kind of the same, but not as much as fluoride. Of course, almost al our water is full of that now, and in some of our medicines.

I say, it's like preaching the gospel..some are "in tune" and some "want to know", and others "don't" and so they wil have "have to learn by sorry experience"...maybe there will be a coming day, when people push back on the medical zealotry, but for now, I don't see that going well... as long as we are trusting and non committal to our personal health freedoms.

Just what I posted on my facebook today, would make everyone go, what the H?

[WE SHALL OVERCOME]

That's just the reaction I get everytime I bring it up with my parents and other family (I can't bring it up with "friends" anymore). After one such recent occasion, I left a printout from the Jon Poling article at the Atlanta Constitution on my father's coffee table. It got him to think and to honestly ask me for the very first time what I thought about the issue.

[Laura Sauls]

Sigh. This really hits home! I've only felt comfortable "farting" in front of a small number of friends and relatives -- those I think will be open-minded and understanding. Fortunately (or unfortunately, as the case may be) one of my close friends has a son with autism, and she introduced me to a group of biomed moms. My online and real life biomed friends are so helpful.

However, I did have a farting incident recently. I was with a couple of not-so-close friends, and one mentioned another friend's comment on Facebook about vaccines. I jumped to the wrong conclusion that this person was on "our side" and said, "Oh, yes, I definitely think vaccines can contribute to autism. I know they played a part in my son's autism." Cue the crickets.

[L Land]

A part of what got us where we are is the AIDS crisis in the early 1980's. Remember all the cries for get us the drugs faster?
"People are dying, don't delay getting the drugs to us with testing them."
--
I think people find it easier to blame the victim in all cases. The rape victim is lying is easier than he did this awful act. The child has a genetic problem (and mine doesn't) is easier than vaccines did this especially if the doctors are said to have known the dangers.

[Maureen O]

I feel like I let the big fart out all the time! In my neck of the woods the women all just want to get along and pretend everything is perfect in our little gated community. They hate when I mention they might want to research before they vaccinate their one year old with ezcema, food allergies etc. I have a "wonderful" pediatrician they say who they "trust" makes me want to cry really. Maybe they will be lucky and their kids will get a socially acceptable complication like diabetes or asthma. You get sympathy and concern with that one.
I really learned about the big fart when my oldest had to go into drug rehab for addiction. I thought I was being helpful when I pointed out to many of his friends Parents that he was not the only one in trouble. Not a socially accepted disease, he should have had cancer then I might have gotten some casseroles and the support I needed.
What I have learned is that we really live in two worlds the ones that have their eyes wide open and trust in their instinct. As Jenny says warrior moms and dads. The rest just want to get along and hope what has happened to our families won't touch theirs. I am afraid these people would have probably not want to go against their govt in germany in the 1940's. Truth always wins out.
I have learned to play their game and prayer for their children knowing I can't help them at this time. I protect myself from the unenlightened and when I find a kindred spirit rejoice. I also make it clear of who I am and if someone does become enlightened that their is a whole community of support.

[Twyla]

Diane - It's nice of you to want to find a benign interpretation for Kent's friends reactions, but I think he is describing something we have experienced that goes beyond simply not knowing about the subject and instead is sort of a shutting down, not wanting to engage in any further discussion, as if the topic is just too controversial or taboo or the case is closed.

"Bensmyson" put it well when he said, "But the funny thing is, if I were to bring up Alien Abduction, and some story about some X-File or another, I'd have 20 minutes of back and forth banter, and yet if I said I believe my child a victim of a conspiracy that involved the US Government and it altered his mind and body.... crickets...."

Sure, there may be times when people get tired of our obsession, but this goes beyond that to not even wanting to ask questions and learn about new information, or argue in a friendly way like we might argue about other topics.

Or sometimes the conversation-ender is, "I'll ask my doctor about this." As if the doctor might be happy to admit to serious problems with the vaccine program. As if the doctor might not be thoroughly influenced by slanted information constantly received from the gov't, AAP, and pharma.

[Diane Frioni]

Mr. Stone,

I certainly understand and appreciate your point. In my thinking more about this, Mr. Heckenlively said he initially arranged the evening because "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy", so talking about any aspect of autism would be considered "work", however, he did see the opportunity and felt it was important to educate his friends more on the autism-vaccine connection, and his comments were ignored. I'm sure all of us here may try to plan an enjoyable social outing, but because this issue is so strong and important to us, we end up discussing it at the first opportunity, even when we intended not to. I'm sure Mr. Heckenlively listened to the subjects his friends were talking about. They in turn should have listened to him if he chose to bring up the subject of autism.

I was just trying to figure out where the friends might be coming from, but indeed they clearly were rude.

[John Stone]

Diane

Sorry, in the end I cannot see the point. So, they are not comfortable? They need to rub out your emotions, your knowledge and your experience, and you are supposed to feel OK? The price of their comfort is certainly that you feel two inches high. Bully for them!

[Diane Frioni]

Perhaps your friends didn't comment because they didn't want to admit to you they know nothing about autism, even through they're dear old friends of yours and your daughter's godparents. I wonder if you would have received the same blank stares if you tried to bring up another autism issue, such as special education or insurance coverage. Perhaps they were embarassed they just haven't educated themselves about many autism issues, not just the vaccine-autism issue, so they continued to talk about the subjects they were most comfortable with - themselves and their issues.

Also, you did go out with them to get a "break" from autism. Maybe they changed the subject because they didn't want you to "go there" - they wanted you to truely have a break for the evening and keep the conversation "lighter".

Just some thoughts.

[Handthatrocksthecradle]

If we were to be honest with ourselves, I mean completely honest, how many of us can say we weren't just like those friends and relatives we complain about, content to live our lives with blinders on? Seduced by the comfort and predicabiity of our own private matrix, when deep down we know that it can all be wiped out in a matter or seconds. Not unlike the amount of time it takes to administer a vax. It makes them uneasy to think that all that they have, all that they take for granted, all that they feel oh-so-entitled to, is an illusion that is precarious, and fragile. Better to avert one's gaze and not think about it.

When the male homosexuals of the 1980's sounded the alarm bells when they claimed that the deadly AIDS virus was deliberately introduced within their population by our gov't, did we privately feel very unsettled, but publicly scoff and roll our eyes?

Some people see us and our childen as doomed, and to an extent, they are right. This makes them shift uncomfortably, and we think that they think it might be contagious but what is really driving the denial and indiffence is fear that their nice, neat lives is not a given.

History as shown us the callous indiffence during times of atrocities. Hitler stated that it was the luck of the ruler that men do not think. I believe it is also their luck that men do not care.