"Real" Firefighter Writes to Denis Leary

Managing Editor's Note:  The author of this letter is a real firefighter. Timothy Dwyer spent sixteen years with FDNY before leaving his career to become full time caregiver for his son who has autism.

October 15, 2008

Denis Leary
The Leary Firefighter Foundation
594 Broadway, Suite 409
New York, NY 10012

Denis:

Since you make your living off the backs of Firefighters, many of whom like myself have a child with autism which you have now chosen to make fun of, how about you be a man and come to Long Island and see my son’s school.  Observe first hand my fat, lazy, stupid child suffering from autism.   I bet you wouldn’t last 10 seconds with my son or on the fire floor.   You wish you could walk in my shoes.  I am a founding parent of the ELIJA School for children with autism spectrum disorders in Levittown, NY and a 20 year NYPD/FDNY veteran.

There are many firefighters struggling with autism and all your foundation does is buy tools for the city, just more shit for them to carry. You do nothing for Firefighter’s real problems.  So come on out, get your head out your ass and pry open that fat wallet of yours that was filled thanks to the real characters of the FDNY. 

We are a struggling school and your “humor” doesn’t help our cause.  The only people who can make fun of autism are those whose lives are consumed by it.  Between autism and fires, you got nothing.  Last year we made $25K on our Guns and Hoses Comedy Event.  This year we need to make $50K to survive.  See what you can do brother.


Timothy P. Dwyer
Retired FDNY


P.S. Enclosed please find the DVD of Rescue Me, the complete first season. It was going to be part of a fundraising basket, but is now useless to us.  Consider it a donation to your foundation.  Go buy some more toys for the city.  They lose more money in a day that what it costs us to run our school for a year.  Thanks man.

Comments

[sharon kindig]

It does nothing for your career to be hateful and in the end Mr. Leary, is this what you want to be known for when you die? Is this how you wish to be remembered because they won't remember you for the rest of it, the stuff you believe is the good you think you're doing,they'll remember what moronic insights you shared in your printed word.

[Jaimee]

I would like to Thanks Denis for all of his fantastic Gritty Comedy. It's so wonderful that folks are willing to honor him with their time and effort. I know how long it takes to create and maintain a website and damn, if he hasn't gotten the hackles up on some people enough to separate them from own family for a goodly amount of time. That's right Denis keep those Jet Pack Moms and Dads workin, because their children will be just as hateful and humorless as themselves. Unfortunately the seriousness of his quips go right over the heads of the guilty. How many more non-autistic children will be diagnosed and drugged before the parents discover they just should have taken birth control? Some folks just shouldn't procreate and that's the point he is making. Truly autistic children should be cared for and truly loved. It is the Bad parenting seems to be rampant in our country and isn't it great to have an excuse for our ill mannered progeny. Real kids that have autism won't have better treatments or care just because every kid in town has behavioral problems. We need parents that care not ones that pick their kids up from school so they make it to the Therapist on time. I hope Denis has a good run on his books because the only people listening are his fans and are intelligent enough to decide what they want to take away from it.
Thanks!

[Jennifer]

I was unable to post last time I tried. Maybe I'll have more success this time. Here's what I tried to post:

No, I don't have a child with autism and don't work with them. Maybe I wasn't very clear. If I did have a child with genuine autism I would want the best of treatment in order to have as much of a chance for recovery as possible. I wouldn't want people to pick on that child and I would be bothered by misunderstandings.
When I mentioned that the term is "thrown about" I meant all that supposed autistic spectrum stuff. I've read both DSM and anecdotal stuff and while some of it is a bit of a cause for concern it seems pretty ridiculous to pathologize most of this stuff. It seems that pretty much any behavior is considered autistic- wanting to use proper grammar, for example, or noticing weird stuff. I just caught myself messing around with my fingers. By some shrinks' standards that would be considered an autistic behavior. Why should people feel self-conscious about taking a strong interest, an "obsession" almost, in one thing? We pathologize dedication to pursuits that aren't directly social and then we wonder why our country isn't as competitive as it used to be in certain areas. Cost may be one reason for outsourcing, but maybe another reason is that those people actually have real skills because they're not wasting time developing what those dumbing-down shrinks see as "social skills." Bill Gates and Bob Dylan would have been more successful in life if they'd had "intervention" tax-dollar-consuming "therapy" sessions to help them develop "social skills," right? It bothers me that kids who are just trying to live their lives have adults going up to them and telling them that they have a genetic deficiency that causes them to stink at basic existence. My heart goes out to children who have to go through this and I wish we as a society would let people be people instead of diagnosing them with subjective deficiencies.
I'm not saying that autism itself doesn't exist, that your child doesn't have autism, or anything. I respect the efforts that are made for children with genuine autism. I also respect that parents have to go out of their way to protect those children from physical danger and/or predators.
For the record, I'm not a fan of Denis Leary and I don't like his crude language. I've also read the chapter since the last time I posted and I don't think he's a very talented author. However, I do agree that the "autism" thing is way out of hand, as is disorder labeling in general.

[samaxtics]

Leary’s chapter on autism can be read here:

http://tinyurl.com/8g4dt2

According to dr.leary:

“A truly au­tistic child may be able to reproduce music he or she hears with perfect pitch-entire classical pieces, the rock opera Tommy, the latest hit Broad­way musical-over and over again. OR tell you instantly upon hearing what your birthday is-what day it has fallen on every year for the last four decades. What the weather was on those days. Who the president was at the time. What the number one song on the radio was just before singing it note for note and word for word. THAT'S an autistic child.”

dr. leary also thinks John Robison is a fraud:

“I recently heard an interview with the brother of acclaimed author Au­gusten Burroughs.........I heard the guy on the radio and believe me, folks, long-winded ain't the least of it. This guy had his head so far up inside his own ass he could be interviewed about his memoir and perform his own colonoscopy at the same time. Odd? Yeah-you became a roadie for a rock band that dresses up in superhero costumes and wears twenty-seven pounds of makeup? Where and when is that considered normal. AND you made money at it? Sorry, pal. You don't get to make guitars blow up for a living and then stake a claim as some kind of social retard. Lucky? Yes. Rain Man? No. Not on my planet.”

You heard that folks. It’s his planet so p*ss off. He'll decide who has genuine autism.

[Innocent]

In Response to "Jennifer" (Nov. 2008): I hope you are not a parent of a child with Autism or working with these children. Suggesting that Denis Leary has any real understanding or relevant opinion on Autism is baffling to me. By the way, I AM an expert on Autism. I have researched probably more than the neurologists and certainly more than Mr. Leary, and I live it every day. I can assure you there is no "throwing around" of a diagnosis. It would be helpful for you to learn how autism is diagnosed and spend time with a room full of autistic people so you can see that it is very real indeed. Until you do that, have the nerve to suggest your crap to a parent of a child with autism. We are so tired of the ignorance like yours. What is a real problem epidemic is the ignorance and bigotry spread about by people like you and Leary.

[Jennifer]

He clarified that he respected parents of kids with real autism. Why is that not enough? Maybe his wording was poor, but he kind of had a point. I don't know about the "moron" thing or the "bad parenting" thing, but the term "autism" is being thrown around these days. How would you like to be told that you were a genetic social inferior because you read books about pi for fun and made some social flubs? This also does a disservice to those with real autism, as the term will be taken less seriously for being thrown about and it will be seen as simply an excuse for behavior when a child actually has autism. I'm sorry that some of your feelings were hurt, but I don't think he was talking about your children, or at least not most of them. Please don't portray people as being insensitive for suggesting that not every kid labeled with a handicap actually has one (although his wording was a bit rude).

[Joanne Law]

Denis,
Your the moron. How dare you feel you have the right to make such an insensitive, ignorant remark? Is it because you study and regurgitate lines for the TV show your on that are written by someone else? How about I make a crack about Michael J. Fox and his diagnosis being a desperate attempt to reenergize his career? Or something more ignorant (closer to how you think) like, the Firefighters that died were "stupid, lazy junior moroons" that did not train enough to get out alive? How's it feel Denis? This is just the beginning of the backlash your ignorant, uninformed comments have started. These children have very vocal parents, trust me.

[Julie (aka: Zach's mom)]

Oh, I see Mr. Leary. We've got you ALL WRONG.

How silly of us! Oh - I get it, all we need to do is BUY YOUR BOOK and we'll completely understand what you MEANT. I don't know HOW we could have misunderstood you. Perhaps we were reading too much into it?? I mean, your language was so ambiguous, I can totally see how WE misinterpreted your intent.

Yeah, WE'RE nuts that way.

[Barry Sarenson]

Obviously, Olearly has never witnessed and autistic child having a melt down. He has not seen the pain and anguish we parents go through when our beloved child is in pain. Nor does he see the social isolation our children go through. All I can say is I used to be a fan of Oleary, why dont these uneducated actors stick to reading the lines that are fed to them, insted of writng book or making comments they have no knowledge of.

[PATRICIA]

the best thing to do is never buy or watch anything to do with him.he is sick, so I forgive him .

[Mary Martin]

To the post from Michelle Guppy -- your comments were beautiful, and I deeply appeciate the thought, emotion, and care it took to write it. You made a positive and lasting impact on me. Thank you.
Thank you to ageofautism blog.
Thank you to Tim Dwyer.
Thank you to all whose comments have lifted me up during a hard time.
Thank you.I don't have anything more insightful to add above what the above thoughtful comments have, but I can really say Thank you. Thank you for fighting against the horrible "sound bites" of people like Dennis Leary, that can be so very dangerous, when I myself don't have enough brain juice left to give good enough support, at least today.

[Dave from Texas]

I don't know who this Denis Leary is but he is obviously STUPID!
My grandson John came into this world with Autism and will be two years old in a little over a week.
I love to spend time with John and see what ever progress he has made that week due to the 24/7 dedication,sacrafice and love his mom and dad give to John to help his world be a little better.
My heart and prayers go out to all you loving parents who love and care for an Autistic child.
May God bless you all.
I love you John.

[Suzanne Reek]

Tim I applaud you for your amazing letter. Last Tim, Maria and I hosted a Comedy Event Guns and Hoses to raise money for the Elilja School. I personally spoke to the Leary Foundation and asked if they would donate an item for our fundraiser. The answer I was given " We don't support Those kind of charities." Well Dennis we couldn't even get you to donate a crummy autographed photo last year. Put your money where your mouth is and step up to the plate and support children who don't have a voice to tell you off. If anyone out there buys this losers book you are only supporting a major loser. Stay tuned for our Autism fundraiser to be held in Port Washington on January 10th. I don't think that we will be enlisting the help of Leary the Loser!

[PhillyLisa]

Kevin, I'm one of those inattentive mothers who has plenty of time on my hands, so I'm sure I will soon stop by the bookstore and read the entire chapter. But in the meantime, tell me how such statements can possibly be taken out of context? It really doesn't matter what the rest of the chapter says, even if by some slight chance Leary might have something worthwhile to say. It doesn't erase the fact that in the QUOTED statements, he referred to "junior morons" and stupid lazy kids who don't really have autism. If he's not really referring to our kids in THOSE statements, please explain it to me.

[Barbie Hines]

Kevin:

"I will hand it to you, on the face of the remarks, I would be disappointed as well. But to take a few minutes to read the entire segment would do you all some good."

This is exactly what Denis Leary is counting on...a million people grabbing this book and reading it simply because of the controversy he has caused.

Not a chance in hell.

[Barbie Hines]

Denis Leary is an a**. It always amazes me when individuals with no education, training or experience with autism have such a strong opinion regarding our lives. Who cares about his opinion? It is quite literally worthless.

[Had Enough]

From Nov. Vanity Fair

VF: Another chapter is titled “Autism Shamautism.”

Leary: Which is my favorite chapter.

VF: I see vigilante autism woman Jenny McCarthy picketing your book tour.

Leary: Great. That would be really good for me. It will help sell more books.

see http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2008/11/wayne_leary200811
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM today's Poughkeepsie Journal

An auction is under way to benefit The Leary Firefighters Foundation, Imus Cattle Ranch for Kids With Cancer and Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Bidding ends today at 5 p.m. at www.wdst.com.

The idea for the auction came from "Rescue Me" co-star John Scurti, a part-time Woodstock resident.

The high bidder will receive dinner for four with members of the "Rescue Me" cast at Violette restaurant in Woodstock. The winner and their guests will also attend Helm's Midnight Ramble house concert - they will meet Helm - and the winner will receive autographed show memorabilia.

Denis Leary is co-creator and star of "Rescue Me" and founded The Leary Firefighters Foundation. Helm and radio personality Don Imus are longtime friends. The Imus ranch offers children who are sick an opportunity to experience an authentic ranch. Helm received treatment for throat cancer at Sloan Kettering.

http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2008810160307

[Crystal]

I hope this note does not fall on deaf ears or is taken lightly in anyway. My husband and I are both members of the fire service and were taken back by the inconsiderate words of someone who apparently has no clue about what he is talking about. My nephew Taylor was born into this world a happy and healthy little boy. Not long after he became a toddler did we notice he was becoming withdrawn. He is not stupid nor is he lazy, he is just a young boy with mountains to climb. My sister spends hours on end helping him with his school work everyday, and I am proud to say he is on the honor role in a regular public school at grade level. He may be considered one of the higher functioning children with autism, but even if he wasn't his intelligence far exceeds Leary's. He should pray to God everyday he will never have to hear some arrogant moron like himself say such cruel things about a child he may father (I suggest he gets neutered). It's sad to think that anyone in our profession could actually find humor in the tragedy of others, that's not what I want to represent. I guess in a way I'm feeding his fire because he likes being called an a--hole, because it makes him money. Well he has got my vote!

Thanks for listening,
Crystal

[Kevin]

Talk about a bunch over overreacting people feeling sorry for themselves. We like the quote "1 out of 150". That also goes along with how many of you read the book...1 out of 150. Having read the chapter (not the entire book), I clearly saw the true meaning of the message. While poorly spoken, the lack of malice was obvious.

Self pity will get you nowhere.

I will hand it to you, on the face of the remarks, I would be disappointed as well. But to take a few minutes to read the entire segment would do you all some good.

[Michelle M. Guppy]

To Mr. Leary and all the others out there like him past, present, and future,


It's hard to find the time to reply to each and every attack against autism, our family, or our beloved son who is that "dumb-ass" kid you speak of ...

Especially since we know the words in reply might never reach you. But I suppose we do it anyway because it is, quite frankly, therapeutical - so we don't need to "throw money into the happy laps of shrinks"...

Writing these replies, (as many of us will do as yet another thing we do in defense of our kids and each other as parents) --- it releases those emotions we don't have time for with the 24/7 demands of autism.

For me, it makes me focus on the "good" in autism... in that without it in my life, I might be like you! Ignorantly using the latest headline, which justifiably is autism, to boost a career, book, or t.v. show - to get the publicity from the controversy created.

What a shallow existence that would have been for me, - and I personally thank you for reminding me of that when all those e-mails poured into the inbox's of us parents about those "fat, lazy, kids" who don't really have autism.

You made me take the luxury of a few moments to think about what an "inattentive mother" I really am... For once not focusing on the humility with which many of us try to do what we do for autism with; but for this one time perhaps, the pride in what my son has shown me I can do, - that I would not have otherwise known I could, had it not been for his autism.

For starters, I was part of the first ever rally for National Autism Awareness. I actually came out of my shell in Houston, TX, and traveled to, for me, another world which was Washington, D.C. I helped plan, helped gather the troops, and then walked with about 3,000 of those troops, those other "inattentive mothers", who borrowed money to go, begged for money to go, and then stole time away from caring for their child with autism - to make that trek, to make a statement, for the need for help for their precious children at home suffering, yes suffering, from autism.

Those "inattentive mothers" didn't just go back home from that event and wait for someone else to help their "deficient junior morons" as you portray them. They went back home and helped to further create that change that was needed in the way autism was portrayed and medically treated. They didn't wait until they became a famous celebrity with the money, power, and public influence to help. They found the money, they became powerful, and thus became the most influential generation of mothers around -- these "inattentive mothers".

Which leads us to the present "huge boom in autism".

You do have those 4 words correct -- Autism is now finally in the headlines where it belongs because of a huge boom in terms of both correct, and early, diagnosis, and awareness. And that started not with famous celebrities - but with us wee little "inattentive mothers" who despite not having money, power, or public influence, -- had something better: heart, soul, determination, and a fierce unconditional love for our children.

Something we had all along, but would have never known that had it not been for our "stupid and lazy" kids who brought the best out in us.

Those "stupid and lazy" kids that mind you, enter school before they are 3 years old, and are in school until age 21 most often, just so they can have the same chance at an independent future that their typical peers have.

To close, us "inattentive mothers" who are fortunate enough to have had their marriage survive the riptides of autism, couldn't have done it without the equal devotion of the fathers of our children.

My son's "competitive dad" didn't want just an "explanation for why his dumb-ass kid couldn't compete academically". He wanted a tool to help heal his "dumb-ass" kid from constant crying in pain, seizures, constant diarrhea, and an overwhelming sense of frustration from not being able to express with words what he needed, felt, or wanted.

Do you know, Mr. Leary, how frustrating it must be for a man to have enough tools in his garage to fix any possible problem with anything in his house --- but not a single tool to help heal his own flesh and blood -- his son?

No, you don't.

Do you know, Mr. Leary, what it is like to take your child to a doctor with very real medical symptoms and have them tell you, "it's just autism" and send you home with no treatment except for risperadol to help with the behavior issues caused by that very real underlying medical issue?

Would you want to go to the doctor for a broken arm and come home with a prescription for risperadol?

No, you wouldn't.

And you don't know what it was like for my husband to have to at one time work 2 jobs to pay for the costs of me finding those medical treatments not covered by insurance that so that our son could get the medical treatment he so desparately needed.

And do you know what it's like to be a parent knowing there are medical treatments out there for their child with autism, but because they are poor or on an eternal waiting list for help, they instead watch their child regress further into autism?

I hope you never do.

My "competitive dad" husband does have to compete. Against peers at work who have the ability to take promotions and travel, when he can't because of the burden it would put on the family with him being gone. Against the laughter and cheers of dads in the lunchroom bragging about their kids' latest homerun at T-Ball, while knowing his son was still trying to learn how to sit at a table and feed himself. Against typical friends we have in listening to their stories of teaching their sons to drive, while at nearly 15 years old, his son still needs help with basic self-care skills.

Do you know what the best thing about these "competitive dads" is?
It's that they lost the competition. Yes, in this case, losing is winning. They lost the backward philosophy that bigger is better, that its 'every man for himself', the 'I gotta take care of me' mentality of our world these days.

For so many of them, they stayed when they wanted to leave, and they traded in working hard with their child each day for victories at therapy; instead of helping them earn badges at Boy Scouts.

So anyway Mr. Leary, thank you for the free one-hour therapy session you have just given me the luxury of. I needed a pick-me-up. I needed to be reminded how much I would rather live in my "autism" world, than in your "crackerjack whack job " world where instead of using the staff at your disposal to research things better before you shoot off blanks, or the money in your bank account to actually help a cause instead of hurt it, - you choose to de-moralize those of us who make this world what it is...

I hope you are right, in that one day "yer kid is NOT autistic". I do hope that one day there will be access through every Pediatrician's office the treatments that help a child with autism to overcome the areas of that autism that limit their health, happiness, and independence.

But unil that, with remarks like yours, we are just left with dealing with people like you, who are "just stupid". "Or lazy." "Or both."

In your profession as an actor, success is measured by publicity, prestigue, profit, and an award of some sort: Golden Globe, Oscar, Emmy, etc. But don't think that because of that, it gives you the right to trample on the feelings of others. When you do that, you take away the purity and gold-standard of any of your successes, nominations, or awards or statues or globes you manage to earn; and that success, and that position, and those awards, that could have been used for good, becomes nothing more than Iron Disulfide.

Known to us common folk as "fool's gold".


Sincerely,
Michelle M. Guppy
For my son who has autism...