HIS BROTHER'S KEEPER

By Cathy Jameson

We’ve had to Ronan-proof much of our house due to my son’s never-ending sneaky behavior. He’s gotten himself into the deep utility sink in our laundry room, filled the Jacuzzi tub while fully clothed, wedged himself into a toilet backwards and even walked out of our house into the middle of the street one Sunday afternoon. 

The last incident has to be by far the scariest one I’ve had to live through since Ronan was vaccine injured.  Thankfully, weekend traffic is minimal in our neighborhood since we live near a bunch of quiet retirees. Had this been a work day, I’d be afraid Ronan would have been plowed down by a car or the school bus that usually screams down our street at that time of day.

The day Ronan escaped was just about a year ago. I knew Ronan wasn’t in the house anymore. I couldn’t *feel* him as I raced around looking for him.  I found the opened doors leading through our garage and knew he was gone. I found my son in the middle of the road, standing on the double yellow line looking up the street and then down the street trying to decide which direction to go. When he heard me galloping down our long and steep driveway, my funny little guy laughed and made a split-second decision to run up the street. Once I clutched his body, I ran back up the driveway completely out of breath. No less than 10 seconds later, an old Mercedes Benz with an even older driver, scooted passed our driveway. 

Ronan would have to be more fine-motor creative to get out of our house now. We have special locks on every door and wiser siblings who yell as loudly as they can, “Ronan! Ronan! Ronan! Ronan!” if he even thinks of moving near an exit to the world outside his four safe walls. 

Those walls must be caving in lately for Ronan since he’s back to being sneaky.  I found him in my bedroom trying to get into the air vent in the floor. It’s one of those vents that’s a tad bigger than a legal-sized envelope and will clearly not expand for a growing 5-year year old.  Ronan doesn’t care though. He was getting bored of whatever toy he was playing with and decided to leave the playroom where his typical siblings were.  He found a quieter room and decided to go through an escape hatch.  I thought we’d screwed all the air vents down a few months ago as stuffing body parts into small spaces was a favorite past time for Ronan before Christmas. Don’t you worry—Steve and his screwdriver will prevent Ronan from damaging himself or the ducting system.

Whenever Ronan reverts back to his old and comfortable behaviors, sometimes due to die-off or while detoxing, I see a bit of a regular old kid in my child.  For example tonight. I was washing the last bit of dinner dishes when Ronan came to the counter with a toy he’s been playing with a lot lately. It sings the ABCs if you push one of the buttons. Well, Ronan loves to hear this song and will perseverate with the button and song until someone comes to turn off the toy and redirect him to another activity.  I was tired, am still big and pregnant, had enough after-dinner chores to keep busy and just didn’t want to hear the song over and over again.  While Ronan approached me to hand me the toy, I looked at him and said, “Ronan, Mommy isn’t going to turn that on.”  Before I even finished the sentence, Ronan looked away and threw his music maker on the floor. He was ticked!  He was livid that Mommy wasn’t going to help!  Ronan had such emotion, I was so proud of my kid!  Instead of throwing more of a fit which I thought for sure was inevitable, Ronan realized some of the removable pieces of the toy scattered under the cabinet—he leaned his leg out as far as he could and used his big toe to pull it closer toward him.  I thought, wow, my kid’s a genius for finding a different way to pick things up!  In my head, I was cheering for Ronan as he was showing clear emotions and new creativity.

Meanwhile, Ronan’s little brother came running over to see what had made the loud crashing sound.  Ronan had put the pieces back together and was about to try again to get me to turn on the music switch. I said, “Ronan, ask Willem to help you.  Mommy’s hands are all wet from dishes.”  Willem has not always been the most helpful when it comes to his siblings lately, so this was a true test of brotherly love.  I only asked Willem once to help his brother and that little guy said, “Here, Ronan, I help you.”  The boys were standing now under the breakfast bar part of our counter top so I only saw the top of their brown heads of hair and two tan hands. Ronan still had the toy up high hoping I’d grab it, so Willem had to reach up and gently maneuver it out of Ronan’s hands into his own.  I was in awe that the boys were working together, that the little brother was helping the big brother and that Ronan didn’t think Willem was snatching his precious toy away. 

Within seconds, the toy’s switch was on, the song began its millionth round of that alphabet song Ronan loves so much, and Willem was running off to play with his big sister again.  I continued to wash the last of the silverware and had a smile on my face. Ronan may feel like the walls are caving in, but he’s becoming more used to life inside those four walls. He knows how to gesture to request help from his big sister, but tonight’s opportunity to interact with that once-quiet, non-verbal, also vaccine-injured little brother opened a magical door. 

Willem and Ronan should be doing boy things together. They should be playing in the mud, collecting bugs and they should be chasing each other outside. Willem is so used to playing games with a six-year old girl, his helpful and loving big sister, but it would be so neat to have him transition to wondering and caring for his big brother too. Willem has become creative and imaginative while playing with his sister, so much so that his imagination is taking over his dreams, and we’ve had to deal with a lot of middle-of-the night wake-ups in the last few weeks. He sleeps in his own room with two nightlights but every night this week, we’ve had a scared little boy show up at our door hoping to escape those bad dreams by snuggling with us in the wee hours of the morning. Interrupted sleep doesn’t make for happy parents or well-rested three-year olds the next day.

A dream we have is for our sons to share a bedroom as our daughters do already in their pink girlie room.  If Ronan can tolerate a roommate again, Willem and he can work on brother bonding, being back in the blue bedroom together.

Tonight, while I tucked everyone in, I told Willem he can sleep either in his bedroom or he can sleep in Ronan’s room since he keeps saying he doesn’t have a sleeping buddy—I think he figures if he’s in a room with someone else, he may not be so scared at night.  Willem’s eyes lit up and he said, “I sleep with Ronan, please.”  I could feel his sense of worry escape.  I saw a confident and unfrightend three-year old thinking happy thoughts of sharing space and warmth with a sibling who so easily gets forgotten in the typical play games.  Ronan and Willem have so much in common, and I’m cherishing the thought that these brown-headed boys can develop a meaningful relationship as they grow up. 

It’s still somewhat early in the night as I write this so wish us luck that the angels bless both our babies with a good-night’s sleep!

Cathy Jameson and her husband have 4 children with one more on the way. They have longed to see their boys doing typical brother activities together. Willem broke free of some of the damage his vaccines caused him—they are praying Ronan will follow suit sometime soon too. 

Comments

[Aunt Melissa]

Oh Cathy, what a beautiful story! I love all your stories but this one really got to me and made me weep tears of sweetness for the boys. We miss you all!

[Kathy]

Cathy,

You will be seeing more and more of those cherished moments! My boys are 2.5 years apart. As my son now 8 is recovering and doing so well ... it's been amazing to watch him interact with his little brother (6). It's still hard from my younger one to understand why his *older* brother can't ride a bike, can't go underwater nor swim etc ... all things he's learned to do with ease. But more important than anything, they are bonded in a big way. When they get really loud and rowdy, I have to remember what it use to be like and I thank God for the interaction!

[Trish]

Cathy, I love your stories...

That bro to bro relationship between Willem and Ronan will blossom right under your nose. My heart used to ache when I'd see Noah remove himself from the company of his sibs only to commence lining up objects, or squeezing toothpaste all over the bathroom for the cause and effect...I don't remember him trying to morph down air vents, but he did spend quite a bit of time on the ceiling, jimmying up the door jam thinking he was Spiderman... He too, used to escape from the house, and my SIL had to install safeties and alarms on every door and window. He broke numerous locks on the refrigerator and the cupboards....ugh! Noah didn't sleep in his own bed for several years without wandering around the house at some ungodly hour looking for a comfortable spot on or behind the couch. Then, one night when the boys were 5 and 7, Deb went in to apply Noah's transdermal creams. It wasn't until she realized that she had slathered the wrong kid with DMPS, Glutithione, LDN, B-12 and B-Complex that she noticed Noah curled up under a blanket snuggled next to Joey! Neither boy awoke, and Noah remained in his bed for the remainder of the night. From that point on, the two became best buddies. Deb swears that chelating Joey made him autistic and Noah could finally relate to him...LOL!!!

Today at (almost) 7 and 9, they are 2 very typical brothers. Noah still has some speech and social issues as he continues to recover, but nothing that seems to bother his older brother. They DO climb trees and play in the mud. They shoot hoops, ride bikes and all 4 of them play with their Webkinz on the computer. Over the years, I have watched these kids grow and mature. They laugh, they compete, they fight and they play. They have learned to watch out for one another... I am confident that as your children grow, you will see exactly the same with Ronan and his sibs. It's happening already!!!!

Keep enjoying your kids and sharing their hillarious experiences with us!

[Margo]

Cat: YOU and your family are in inspiration! Thank you for sharing clips of your life with us.... xo.

[Katy]

YEA Willem!! His is going to win the best brother award yet. I love these peeks into your daily life. Ronan is a fighter...and he will get there:)